Do you think your therapist is ever sexually attracted to you?

I agree. But I guess people who were taken advantage of sexually before, especially by adults in their childhoods, may find it scary or at least undesirable. I've personally never been abused sexually so for me it's easy and natural, but the link to abuse history is the pattern I see most often in those who tend to cringe at such thoughts and circumstances. I think it's perfectly understandable.

Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Makes sense. Thank you.

I feel some chemistry at times with my T. And there are occasional moments that feel a bit flirtatious. I did tell him at one point that part of me wanted him to be attracted to me, but that I also absolutely did not want him to tell me if he was or wasn't. Because I'm not sure how either answer would affect me. We were able to discuss it, and where those desires came from (probably mostly from a younger part of me, but I also said that adult part of me thinks he's objectively an attractive guy so would be a bit flattered if he found me to be attractive). And he was able to talk about it without getting weird about it, plus he didn't share anything about how he felt, which I appreciated.

For me it's this. It would be upsetting for me if he found me sexually attractive when he's mostly interacting with the most vulnerable, damaged, hurt, and childlike parts of me. Those things should evoke parental feelings maybe, but the idea of them evoking sexual feelings creeps me out.

During a session early on before he saw that part of me or maybe someday in the future when we're talking more as equals, it would seem natural and normal to me. Not necessarily "to be expected," since I don't think I'm like irresistibly attractive or whatever, but I wouldn't be horrified or anything.

I mean, he also mentioned that his daughter got her PhD, so she has to be older than me. And so I would also kind of expect that he would see me as too young to be attracted to? I'm 23, so I'm not a child, but I don't feel like a "real adult" either.

No sexual abuse in my past, so it's not about that. I mean, I've had a few men who were significantly older than me express sexual attraction to me after i trusted them in friend/mentor/confidante roles, and felt a bit creeped out and taken advantage of and now I'm more wary regarding men's motives, but I feel like that's probably a pretty universal experience for women.

Not my Current T, no. But two therapists before her were.
Just remembered...there was a third therapist who told me he was sexually attracted to me. Good grief. I wasn’t even cute or pretty.

I don't see T as a parental figure, but the intimacy of our relationship makes sexual attraction icky to me. Like dating my gynecologist or graduate advisor, and then there's the married guy aspect on top of that. I don't want sexual attraction from people who are married and I think that's icky too. In general it's about the inappropriateness of sexual attraction based on the relationship and the fact that he's married. The fact that I have CSA in my background is irrelevant.

I know that during our first (or maybe also in the second) year of our work together the T was probably sexually attracted to me. I did not know it by then but it sort of came out later. So in that sense he did deal with his feelings on his own and did not bring them to sessions.

I have been told previously (also by my H) that I exhibited a certain seductive appearance or way of being, which was half unconscious to me. In some situations I realised it as I saw that certain types of people very easily fell for me for some reason. I suspect that in some other instances I was completely unaware of it. In most cases I wasn't actively trying to be seductive though. Rather it was because I had such huge troubles with connecting with people in normal human level and thus I seemed to be somewhat mysterious, interesting and unavailable that for certain type of people this probably felt very attractive. People with normal ability to connect with other people payed no attention to me however, I guess they sensed that I'm not being "interesting" but there is something wrong with me.

Anyway, I guess that was the dynamic played out in the beginning and my T perceived me as being seductive and thus felt sexually attracted to me. Anyway, this period ended to give room for hatred and aggression and because those feelings were far earlier and more infantile then all this sexual stuff vanished. I suppose it was all a defence and as I'm able to be more real now with people in general then I suppose I've generally lost this seductive quality.

I am expecting to start working on my sexuality at some point in therapy though and I do expect the sexual feelings to come into play again, but now for the purpose of doing the work I need to do for myself.

I very much relate to this, especially the parts bolded. It does not happen very often these days but was the code of my youth, and I learned very well what types of people tend to be influenced by it (usually the kinds that I also like the best, so that's not too bad). Some therapists can fit in that group pretty well and that was the case with my last T especially. For me, what has changed this pattern quite a bit is getting older (I can't pass for the young, cute, dark and mysterious image anymore), having done it a hundred times and succeeding but, most importantly perhaps, my values and communication style has changed. I can tailor my style to the other people involved much more easily, am not so anxious socially, and also like to keep my priorities (the priorities of a particular connection) in the focus. For me, there was a phase several years ago when it was quite uncomfortable to realize that this old pattern of mysterious, implicit seduction just by existing dis not work effortlessly anymore. I am very happy about it now because it also used to complicate my relationships a great deal. I did not work on this directly in therapy but there was a certain dynamic with the last T that provided good lessons, even though at the time the pattern was already dying.

I am not sure this is "wrong" per se, it's just a characteristic some people have. What can be wrong IMO is how one uses it: taking advantage of it and making reckless decisions, getting into inappropriate and destructive relational patterns etc. I did a lot of the latter in my youth for sure. It can also be very limiting to habitually choose the same kinds of people that we know react to this positively (engage) and avoid developing other social skills with the rest. It was largely over by the time I got to therapy, but the remnants were there.

I was not referring to that characteristic as being wrong. Rather, this was a symptom that something was wrong with me and this "wrong" was way deeper than this one symptom. It was part of the mask I was wearing, myself being almost completely dead behind the mask. This deadness was the wrongness I was referring to.

I think this period was the first important test my T passed successfully. Although I guess he might have had quite strong feelings at that time and he did not resist being seduced, it seems he never really got hooked and he certainly did not collude with me.

Well of course. Human nature-gut sex drive instincts come before college training. This is true in lots of situations. To say it isn't is just naive. The therapist has to keep this in check but occasionally they don't, probably after many meetings. I work with hundreds of people and see it all the time-married or not. Flirty stuff can lead to affairs or marriages.

This opens up an interesting can of worms. For one in a social setting after some time the chemistry heats up between certain individuals. Some girls especially, act aloof but these will be the first ones to show a sexual interest. Their aloofness is hiding the sex thing. I believe it's an ego defense mechanism-maybe reaction formation. Sometimes all you gotta do is say hello and then watch the walls break down. So..the more aloof she is the more she finds you interesting. In another direction I'm very suspicious of someone who is overly friendly as in time you will see them turn on you. Again the ego is hiding it's true feelings protecting the person from what it sees as unacceptable. It's happened too many times to not be true.

Very similar with my last T. It was very clear that he was affected in similar ways I’d seen with countless others previosly but did not engage / got hooked behaviorally. I told him multiple times how I appreciated that.

For me, I would not describe my version as deadness inside and I definitely had a number of goodand meaningful relationships in my childhood, adolescence and later. But definitely a level of emotional detachment and avoidance that many people close to me noted or complained about. So yes, in that sense it was wrong. I am still prone to it to a certain extent especially when stressed or when I feel insecure but at this point the best way to work on it is challenging myself in everyday life, to do things differently. I think Iknow pretty well what has caused this pattern. The expedition of identifying it did start out with a perception of “something is deeply wrong with me” as well - it was quite a ride in my entire 30’s more or less, leading to some pretty severe “side effects” of the investigation as I did not do it in safe ways at all.

I'm sure both of my long-term Ts have felt sexual feelings in session, but I think more in a fleeting way rather than a continuous state.

It doesn't bother me. I would think it was odd if one of them did not feel sexual attraction from time to time.

I have a sexual abuse history but have always been able to separate sex from those situations. Sexual abuse is about power, control, objectifying, using, entitlement, sadism etc. where I associate sexual feelings with pleasure and day to day life.

No, I'm too unattractive.
No one ever was attracted to me in any way

Thinking about this is really underlining how bad my self-image has become in recent years because there's no way I could imagine that either of them were ever attracted to me in the slightest.

I used to be quite a seductive person but I've lost that aspect of myself. No-one wants to f*** me any more.

Maybe there is a silver lining in this? It may not be all that bad not to be so seductive as a default behavior, not to use seduction/sex to automatically relate to a lot of people. Maybe it's a more mature way and it's also better that people do not notice you as a sexual object primarily? Also, I think that the people who don't necessarily express sexual attraction in any situation can sometimes be healthier and more complex characters.

Sexual feelings in therapy aren't an indicator of attractiveness (though obviously it can be).

Sorry you are feeling down on yourself.

My T was gay so probably not!

I would like my T to be honest about it, because as You can see from the other topic about pink flags, mine is creating a sexual tension (or maybe I am doing it also?) and then he pretends nothing happened... I prefer honesty, I would like him to tell me and at least everything would be clear, we could acknowledge what is happening and move forward. I thought that's what grown up people should do.

I agree, i wish T's would be more honest about this stuff with clients. "lying" about it doesn't help, especially with people like me who have trust issues

Absolutely not. All the female therapists I saw were obviously very straight. And even if they had been gay, I don't see how challenging them would have made me attractive to them. Frankly this thread reads like a lot of wishful thinking on the client's part. I don't find the thought repulsive, not at all, simply baffling. Probably because I'm no longer in therapy.

Myrto, believe, there is nothing wishful about it... It's very confusing and hurting.

It's known to be pretty common.

Sexual Attraction to Clients - The Human Therapist and the (Sometimes)
Inhuman Training System

You know, the real problem of sharing these kind of experiences in place like this is, is that people tendo to judge things in a black or white way without even thinking: they will tell you tour T is harassing you and you should deffinitely dump him and five minutes late, that everything is your immagination and wishful thinking. That is because nobody really knows the details. One should always be honest and listen to his intuition. The truth usually is somewhere in the middle.

I post less and less on pc because I feel like my therapist and my therapy are being judged. Therapists are human with feelings too. I read a study saying why therapists get into relationships with patients. Some are sinister or narcissistic but many fall under the lovesick category, people who normally wouldn’t do anything improper but might be in a bad place in thier lives.
I also believe that some therapists don’t know how to handle countertransference so they deny it or don’t deal with it. It would be easier for everyone if these things could be discussed openly