[SarahSweden]

I´ve read rather many articles on this and of course this subject is kind of a taboo as a therapist "shouldn´t" feel this way about a client. A therapist often has more tools than a client to handle such feelings but they still can´t always shut them off. This also exists when the client and the therapist is of the same sex but generally sees themselves as heterosexual.


I wouldn´t want any therapist to tell me about this but I don´t think it´s at all impossible my former T thought of me this way. I don´t mean she actually wanted me but all kinds of people you´ve met with might show up in your mind during a sexual situation.


Do you think your therapist is ever sexually attracted to you or has it crossed your mind he or she might see you "flash by" in their mind during a sexual situation?

[Fuzzybear]

I definitely got the feeling that T1 was ... by words and other things. Not something I wanted, (but I didn’t want his disdain either)

[DP_2017]

Yes absolutely.

He will never admit it out of fear. I wish he would. I prefer honesty

[Amyjay]

Me, no not at all.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I remember recently reading an article or something similar on this topic. I don't remember the exact content, but it certainly does happen and is not as uncommon as you'd probably think. I don't think there's any 'you shouldn't feel this way' in therapy, for either the client or therapist. The T should just be able to deal with their feelings by themselves and not let it affect the relationship to the client, while also ensuring that everything remains ethical and so on.


I'm not sure I'd want to know if my T thought of me that way. It would probably make me feel weird, although I do not think that there's anything wrong about it per se, as long as he doesn't act on his feelings. But I think in certain situations it could be beneficial to tell a client, but that is very situational.

I'd be surprised if my T was attracted to me. While I'm a lot younger than he is, I'm not very attractive, certainly not when I sob uncontrollably like 95% of the time there. As for having random people pop up in your head in sexual situations, that sometime happens, it probably happens to Ts as well. I've probably given it about the same amount of thought as I do with friends, i.e. 'yeah, that's a bit weird, but whatever'.

Yes, there were times... but it wasn't anything substantial I think and it was never disruptive.

[nicoleflynn]

My t led me on for years. PM me if you would like details.

[toomanycats]

Ex-T, yes.
Current T, no, I don't think so.

[Salmon77]

Maybe in a normal "passing thought" way, like how you might notice any other person is attractive or has a nice body or something. But not in a serious way. As for "flashing by"--I guess it's possible but somehow I don't think so. The subject has never come up, though.

[LabRat27]

I'm sure he's thought of me as a sexual person given that we've discussed my sex life and at one point when I was communicating about my shame about my transference he misinterpreted it as being sexual/romantic. And he's expressed the opinion that I'm attractive (not that he's attracted to me, but he said it matter-of-factly while also saying I was intelligent, etc), but I don't think he's actually sexually attracted to me.

I think I would feel kind of betrayed if he felt that way recently? Especially now because this last month or two we've been focusing on my childhood and I'm just starting to remember and revisit stuff from that time and I've been in a very vulnerable and childlike place. Like I've been sitting on the floor with my back against the wall and hugging my knees like I did when I was a kid... it would be pretty f'ed up if he was thinking of me in a sexual way in that context.
And I have very strong parental transference. I want him to see me as a hurt kid he wants to protect, not as enough of an "equal" to be sexually attracted to.

In other situations and points in time I might be flattered if it crossed his mind. I certainly don't want him to think I'm unattractive. But I wouldn't want it to be something he thought about regularly or got distracted by, and I certainly wouldn't want him to act on it in any way. Basically I would want him to keep it to himself.

[Anne2.0]

Ew, no. Blech, I don't think so. Or I don't want to think about it, yuck.

[Fuzzybear]

Good post. I don’t know why it bothers me what they think of me. I don’t care what our piano tuner thinks of me. I think I’ll look for a particular sort of person for those 2 sessions. And I’ll wear a brown fur coat disguising my pretty bear shape.

ETA the poster just deleted their post.

“Sorry”

I don’t want them to like me any more than I’ll probably like them. It’s my process, I’m not interested in whether or not they find me “likeable”. If they try to share their opinion directly or not, I’ll shut them down, or leave.

[velcro003]

no way. i may be an adult only 7 years younger than her, but inside i feel like i'm 12, and i get the sense she sort of sees me that way too.

[downandlonely]

I never got the impression that a therapist was sexually attracted to me, but I haven't had many male therapists.

[ElectricManatee]

No, I don't think she has any sexual feelings toward me. There has never been any sexual chemistry between us, and she seems extremely straight. She has admitted to having maternal feelings toward me, and I do feel those from her pretty clearly.

[Argonautomobile]

Gross. What a horrible thought.

[growlycat]

I have wondered sometimes. I know that he likes me a lot, even admitted having “transference feelings” for me but I don’t know if it translates to sexual or romantic attraction. I don’t see myself as attractive so I have a hard time imagining that others might be.

All my t has sais that if he is asexually attrcated to a client he is not allowedd to tell them... Why say that it is just provocative and i still wonder after 6 years

[SummerTime12]

This is something I really struggle with. I really want to know if he does, but then again if he did tell me that he had those type of feelings towards me, I feel like that would make the relationship unsafe. I have this problem where I feel inadequate or like a failure if any male isn’t attracted to me, which is obviously ridiculous because one person won’t be everyone’s type.. so I always looks for subtle signs that prove they are, which is terrible, but my t is very professional so of course I don’t get those hints from him. Which I should just be ok with but for some reason I can’t be. It’s like that would prove he cares or something.

[elisewin]

No, I definitely don't think so. And the lack of it is mutual.

[Thalassophile]

I don't know if my therapist has ever been sexually attracted to me. I know they would never tell me if they did or not. It is a fantasy of mine that they do. I would love to know if they did. I know nothing could or would happen regardless but would be nice to know.

[Anne2.0]

Reading this thread also reminded me of something my T said once, not terribly long ago, that wasn't out of the context of the session but irritated me. He said that sometimes child abuse survivors behave in "seductive" ways and then added he "didn't get seduction from me."

I replied rather heatedly, "That's because I'm not trying to seduce you!" I might have made a face or said "ick" too, then offered a rote apology, "sorry, nothing person, but ick." He laughed and thankfully, has never used the word "seduction" again, which skeeves me out even on my best day.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

"sorry, nothing person, but ick." He laughed and thankfully, has never used the word "seduction" again, which skeeves me out even on my best day.

That made me laugh, that you said Ick.

I liked the mild, unspoken mutual attraction with my last T (just like I tend to enjoy it with anyone I feel good chemistry with). It can be very eneegizing and make work collaborations more pleasant and even productive. Don’t think it affected the therapeutic aspect of therapy for me but was something to look forward to. I did not like my first Ts occasional spontaneous and masked comments because I did nit find him attractive at all, not even in the beginning when our relationship was good.

[Salmon77]

I find it surprising that several people find the idea so disgusting. Of course I agree it's icky if a T tells clients about their sexual attraction or brings it into therapy in any way. But it seems natural and inevitable to me that a T might have the occasional stray thought about it. I wonder if the people who think it's gross see their T as a parental figure?