[venusss]

or even to ask somebody pray for me (note: I am not asking any of you to pray for me now).

Just feels... there are many who would need it more, and why would deities be bothered with worries of white, lower-middleclass chick from country with reasonable HDI with few quirks and worries (which I can mostly work on myself, no need for miracles and cosmic interventions).

don't know... I pray for others often, for the world and so on.. but I just cannot ask even for bit of serenity for myself.

[lynn P.]

I'm feeling pessimistic today so I don't know how good my advice will be lol. First of all many women struggle with being good to themselves. I think this comes from our nurturing instincts - we're always doing and thinking of others. Some have the worst time saying no and taking care of themselves. I mention this because it seems you have a hard time admitting you need care and are entitled to peace / happiness. You care about others and world issues - how can you give yourself to these issues if you aren't strong physically and mentally? Don't you feel you deserve prayers or good vibes? I have to remind myself of this as a mother - I have to take care of myself in order to be a good mother. In addition being a strong woman doesn't mean you can't admit you want or need help.

Regarding praying for yourself - you deserve prayers or good vibes just a much as the next person. This is where I get pessimistic - I've prayed for myself to be freed from this marriage mess and nothing ever happens. If I were giving advice to someone who just said this I would probably say - God doesn't always answer our prayers because this isn't the best road to take. I still feel irritated by praying and not getting a solution.

[Caretaker Leo]

Venus, I am not religious, but I do think of myself as having spiritual emotions. And I agree with lynn that we women do tend to take care of others, but aren't good at taking care of ourselves in kind.

I "pray" in my own way that others will find answers that bring them health. I have learned (taught?) myself that it is ok to "pray" for myself. I "pray" that I will find internal strength to overcome my issues. I "pray" that the gift of time will help me find solutions to the things in my life that cause me stress. I "pray" that my brain and heart will show me the way towards finding serenity and happiness in life.

So, I will "pray" or wish for you that you learn how and come to believe that it really is ok to ask for serenity for yourself.

[buddhablessd]

I can relate, as a dude also,

In yoga we pray for awakening for all beings, then dedicate the session(personal or group)for all beings also(to be free of suffering(dhukka)never part from freedoms true meaning, to find happiness, and equinimity).
When I pray , in the tradittional sense(christian ), I pray for others first( even my non-friends), which helps me to pray for me, to be there, to pray for others.
They say satan was jealous of humans "because"of our power of worship. So its power beyond our understanding. BBlessd

[Open Eyes]

I agree with Lynn Venus. I dont think it is a selfish act, I rather think that when we struggle sometimes we close our minds in anger or even think we do not deserve because there are others that suffer worse conditions. But when we pray we are opening up our hearts and minds so that we will be more receptive to solutions to our troubles. It really isn't selfish to pray to find reason and ways to learn and resolve and participate better in life. If anything it reminds us that when we pray we are willing to accept there can be solutions. Then it opens our minds to holding on and also continue to look for a resolve.

Ofcourse we should not pray for materialistic things, because if we broaden ourselves those things we can get for ourselves if it is all that important. Even when we do get them we eventually realize it was not really that important after all. And we should never just pray to be better than others, only to be the best we can be and even perhaps gain a better understanding in how to reach out and help others and even be a more effective human being.

Ofcourse we can always pray for others too. But we really have to learn to reach into ourselves and give ourselves permission to have an open mind and keep trying.

Open Eyes

[Dreamy01]

No it isn't selfish at all. Spirituality starts with self - if you are not okay, you cannot really help others in the truest sense. Having compassion for yourself allows you to extend compassion to others.

[Inedible]

God doesn't judge us. We do. It is in the back of your mind that you keep track of every little sin, and in the back of your mind that you make yourself pay for them. It isn't a conscious decision.

[RunningEagleRuns]

Its fine to pray for yourself.

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

or even to ask somebody pray for me (note: I am not asking any of you to pray for me now).

Just feels... there are many who would need it more, and why would deities be bothered with worries of white, lower-middleclass chick from country with reasonable HDI with few quirks and worries (which I can mostly work on myself, no need for miracles and cosmic interventions).

don't know... I pray for others often, for the world and so on.. but I just cannot ask even for bit of serenity for myself.

Hi VenusHalley,

I actually kinda understand from my own perspective since I've often felt the same way. If we're constantly comparing ourselves and our sufferings to someone else, we will always fall short. There always will be someone else who is worse off than we are.

But that doesn't mean that we should deny ourselves some serenity and peace and ask our higher power/God/etc for help. We help ourselves, our world gets a bit brighter and it makes it easier for others to help us. We just need to have a bit of hope that we deserve it. But that is realllllly hard.

Praying for others is easy, since we see them as "worthy" but praying for ourselves is hard since we see ourselves, but also know ourselves and our inner stuff and that clouds our perception of US and we don't think we deserve it.

But we all deserve love. And respect. And prayers. And compassion.

[alwaysrejoice]

I found it helpful to first thank God in your prayers for all that you have then go ahead and ask for help.

[dana12345]

i don't agree with you sis .. i think praying for yourself is a good thing people who really mean their prayers they'll become true no matter what , so as your prayer if you mean it well become true as well . love

God does not judge us? I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, ...

[KathyM]

I agree Byz - i.e., "on Earth, as it is in Heaven"

Venus - I feel the same as you, but it is okay to pray for yourself when you are in need. You care very much and want to help others. I find that very admirable, and I suspect God would find that admirable too. In order to do this, you need to remain strong - so go ahead and pray for yourself. If you're being too selfish in your prayers, I suspect God will let you know.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

God does not judge us? I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, ...

I think that it depends on what we have the capacity to acknowledge and correct within ourselves, realistically. Though we may make mistakes in our lives, it may be a result of something that we do not really understand about ourselves. In my time being here at PC and learning of the different disorders and malodies that different people struggle through, I honestly don't think we will be judged in the ways we may think.

We are given life and within that life we grow and learn throughout our lives.
Though we may make mistakes or midjudge what is right from wrong, each experience or action has a consequence. As we deal with the consequence we can become enlightened with new knowledge and even learn to forgive ourselves. In our own ways we can reach out to others with whatever knowledge and capacity we have and try our best to enlighten others.

If we are judged in the end I believe that a presence that is all knowing will judge us on how we have done the best we can given our personal struggles.
I believe that if we are allowed to continue to delve into the minds of man we will eventually learn to be more forgiving of those who truely suffer and do not have the capacities to do or know certain things. Because we are all unique, our lives are also unique and if we were to just look outside at nature we can see that every rock, every tree, everything is unique in shape size and growth pattern.

For each of us the most important thing to learn is how to accept ourselves and forgive our own short comings, see what we can learn and try to share our knowledge with others.

"Forgive them, fore they know not what they do".

Open Eyes

We can agree to disagree.

[Travelinglady]

I can't say all I want to say here, due to the restrictions of this forum. But, I believe it's not the least bit selfish to pray for ourselves. We all matter. And we all have problems. Even if what we pray doesn't turn out the way we want, I think it's even psychologically healthy. (Okay, I will shut up about THAT!) Also, even if we pray, we still should try to help ourselves, too. I can pray for a husband (just an example), but I shouldn't expect a knock at the door and Prince Charming to appear. I need to get out and make myself available!

Please, dear one, you ARE important!

[mom88cat]

HI Venus. I know how you feel. However God does care about you and your concerns. I know it doesn,t always seem that way but He does. Sometimes I just ask for faith or strength to continue on. I ask for my heart to be open to others and to remember we all matter. I pray you will find hope and strength in your spiritual life. You are special..