[allimsaying]

It has been a difficult week. First, my work van broke down. The estimate for repair was 850.00. I decided to do the work myself and after costs of towing, diagnosing, parts, tools, and lost wages, Im now in for over 1000.00. That may not sound like much to some but it has nearly wiped out my operating costs budget. On top of that, my mom went into ICU on Friday. Her first diagnosis was kidney failure. Ive been trying to see her around my work schedule, but each time I go, the nurses are busy cleaning her and changing sheets and what not. God bless them. I was able to spend a little time with her yesterday and she told me she has a blood clot in her stomach. In my tired, worn down state of mind I couldnt help complaining to her about my own problems some. God bless her, she listened.

She has been physically handicapped most of my life due to a car wreck and she broke her back but she accepted all responsibility for it and went on to raise four kids even though she could hardly walk, and she worked two jobs in spite of it, never accepting so much as a handicap parking license.

She looks frail, tired, weak. She has always been a strong believer and I know it is her belief that helped her through some really hard times.

She said she was ready to give up and told me not to worry about her, she would be alright. I know she will be, no matter what happens to her physically, her love of God is strong.

I would appreciate any kind thoughts for my mom. Im ok, I'll be ok, I just want her to feel better.

Thank you.

[sabby]

Positive, healing thoughts and prayers to you and your mom.

[James_from_Idaho]

God bless your heart, and your mothers heart, allimsaying.. She sounds like a wonderful person, God fearing, I know that God will respect that and be with her.. I will surely pray for you and her.. Wow, a thousand dollars would wipe me out.. Bad things do happen to good people.. I am reminded of that every day.. I am sorry..

[justmemaybe]

prayers for both you and your mom

[allimsaying]

Thanks everyone. I'm with her now. She was moved from ICU to a regular patient room and then back to ICU. She's had internal system failures and she's on some pain killers so she isn't communicating. We have a meeting tomorrow about her continued care options. They are talking about stopping medical treatment. I don't know if she gave them DNR orders but I suspect she has. Will know more tomorrow. Thanks all and God bless.

[Maven]

Wishing you and your mother well and much strength.

[LadyShadow]

God be with you and your mom, sending you my prayers

[allimsaying]

Thanks you guys. I dont mean to make this the daily blotter of moms eventual decline but I needed someplace to get this out. I dont usually tell how Im feeling inside and even when people ask I have a hard time telling how I feel. I guess Im just used to no one really listening.Ive been blessed recently with one good friend and Im learning to be more in touch with myself so I guess thats why Im coming here and getting it out some.

This has been especially hard. Since my moms wreck Ive felt really small and vulnerable and I think Ive always presented a strong face to hide that. Inside, I am very strong but I still feel weak at times and Ive been very confused from not having people to open up with. I can give support but Im terrible at asking for it.

I left the hospital, thought she was holding stable, was home about an hour and the hospital called and wanted to know moms DNR wishes. I told them I didnt think she would want to be resuscitated. They made it sound as though they needed this information sooner than the meeting we have scheduled for today and that thought sent a new fear into me that things really were that serious. I ended up going back to the hospital and spent the night there. They gave her something to help her sleep so I wasnt there for a visit so much as to give the word when the time came. Awful feeling and lots going through my mind I cant even explain.

I always thought I was strong but Im going to miss her.

[justmemaybe]

(allimsaying))))))))))))))))))))))))))No one knows how they are going to feel when it comes to this point. First of all friend, being strong at this time, you don't have to be.
Its your Mom. So hard to lose. Im sure you haven't gotten over losing your dad yet.
Inside we all kids when it comes to our parents.
Btw ..you are strong. You sat with your Mom. I know you will be there with her all the way. You are going to meet with the hospital.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom and family.
Be easy on you.
Of course you are going to miss her
((((((((((allimsaying))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[allimsaying]

((((justmemaybe))))) Thank you for your kind words. Pretty rough day. My sister and I had to make the decision to take her off life support. She's breathing on her own and they've given her morphine. Just a matter of time now.

I was still processing Dads passing, now its both of them. Loved them both very much. The family is all here, lots of tears but some laughter too. letting mom go was the best choice, multiple system failures. No one expected her to last this long so we're just waiting now. Thank you for being a friend.

[bharani1008]

Letting her go is the most loving thing you could do.I remember when my Dad was dying. He was in a coma. But I knew how much he wanted to be free and actually felt happy for him. He'd been suffering from depression and anxiety for a long time. Just knowing he was finally free made me happy. I never cried for him. Never needed to. If there is a next life he will be a serious spiritual seeker so how could I want more.
The important thing is that you are there while she is still in the body. Also feeling that you set her free.
I'm glad you have family to support you.
All kind and loving wishes I will send to you.

[allimsaying]

I needed those kind words this morning Bharani, thank you. Mom passed yesterday, peacefully, in her sleep at 10:27 am. She waited until all the family had been there and I was blessed to be the only one with her at the time. She was a good, strong woman who loved her family and gave us everything she had. I am blessed she was my mom.

[lizardlady]

{*{*{*{*{allimsaying*}*}*}*}

[justmemaybe]

all I can say is I love you............... ((((((allimsaying))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Much love to you and your family. You are in my thoughts. I am thinking of you and sending love and hugs your way

[allimsaying]

You cant know how much your kind words mean to me. Well, maybe you do know. Thank you Doc John, thank God for PC

[sans]

Dear All,
These posts are very touching. My prayers are with you and your mom! I know your pain, and have felt it also. I tell myself there is no death, only a changing of worlds...and that gives me peace.
May you find peace as well
Sans

[bharani1008]

Peace be with you Allimsaying. Your mother is an inspiring woman. So selfless. So strong. To wait til you all were there. I honor her

[Rohag]

Peace to your mother, your family, and to you, Allimsaying.

No matter what happens, we will be here.

So sorry. ((((HUGS)))))

sending positive thoughts your way