[hartbroken]

I suffer from schizoaffective bipolar type. The last time I went to the hospital in 1999 I was suffering from false beliefs and delusions along with the highs and lows of manic/depressive. The main content of my sufferings were demonic in nature - or at least I was obsessed and scared of demonic ideas. I wanted to be a good guy who believed and followed God, but those influences overtook my mind and I was miserable for a long time.

The doc put me on Zyprexa and Lithium, along with another bunch of meds I forgot. Today I've been on Abilify and Lithium for about 9 years.

Today I am suffering from a moderate version of what I suffered back in 1999, getting worse and worse. I have looked into seeing my doctor early, but it's all booked up. And the hospitals are all full.

I am afraid maybe I am influenced by a demon. I am very scared and don't know what to do. When I feel like there's maybe hope, I write positive posts but I'm really scared down deep.

[January]

Can you call your Dr's office and leave a message asking him to return your call? The next thing I would suggest is going to the ER and seeing if you can be admitted or at least be seen by a Dr. there.

I'm really sorry you're having such a difficult time.

Jan

[Gus1234U]

i too hope you find someone to guide you thru these hard times. if it helps you to remember, there is always a force for good to offset any evil. if you keep your thoughts and actions in kindness and care, then you can surely overcome any force against you.

and it doesn't hurt to have your meds re-evaluated every so often.
best wishes~
Gus

[hartbroken]

I was able to get in to see the doctor anyway today. He increased my Abilify from 20mg to 30mg.

I feel the struggle of obedience, and when I can't obey my God like I want to that's when I feel that choosing to not be obedient is like making a decision in the fork in the road, defining who I am totally. In otherwords, I am either black or white, good or evil. I don't allow shades of grey to define me, and I'm not sure why.