[Hopefull]

I find that I think about T alot. I once caught myself thinking to myself that I love God but T is sweeter to me. I couldn't believe that I had thought that. I sometimes worry that I might forget God in my strange attachment to T. At one point, I thought God had told me it is okey because ours is a temporary relationship which He knows won't destroy my love for Him. But, how can I seem to think about a person more than God himself?
I don't feel guilty about it. But, I have cried two or three different times in the last few months about my strange attachment to T and my concern about my thinking about T more than about God. I want to keep God as the center of my life, but T fulfills a psychological need that an invisible God can't fulfill such as encouragement, acceptance, a chance to dump my feelings on her, positive thinking etc. I'm not saying that God doesn't help in these areas, but, I still need a human T to help me.
I know that God can work through people and I believe that He brought me to this point to reinforce my empathetic ability in prep for becoming an addiction counselor. Who better to counsel than another client. But, I fear that I will never believe myself to be mentally healthy enough to counsel others. My T hasn't said a word about this subject even though practicum will be in the fall of 2007.

[Rapunzel]

I, too, have worried that I might be valuing my T more than I should (I felt that way with at least a couple of therapists). The therapy relationship is intense, and it also feels a lot more tangible, doesn't it? Because it is with a person you can see sitting there in front of you, and God doesn't always seem that substantial, does He? And T acts as a guide to help you with your development. That is a role that God can play also, but you have to ask Him, and then you have to be able to discern the answers, and it takes more work, I think. Your relationship with T might be a model for the relationship that you want to have with God. Remember that your relationship with God is permanent. T is a temporary helper who looms pretty large right now, but hasn't always been there and won't always been there. That intensity is part of therapy, but remember that some of it is transference. You can even transfer some of your feelings from your relationship with God onto your T.

Have you talked to your T about your fear about being healthy enough to counsel others? That is certainly a topic that you could bring up if you are concerned about it. It is important to resolve it before you are in the position where someone else depends on your ability to understand them, and not through the lenses of your own issues, and do or say what is best for your client. I am also concerned about how my issues may affect my clients when I reach the practicum stage and beyond. My T does bring that up fairly regularly, and I have also talked to my instructors about it as things come up in my coursework. If you still have issues that you find come up as you do your practicum, or even later on, just make sure to be honest with your supervisor about it and make sure that you get supervision as you need it. Usually, I think, those who are conscientious and aware of their own issues, and willing to ask for supervision and get personal therapy will do okay. I am more worried about counselors and therapists who are not aware of their own issues and who hesitate to get supervision and avoid dealing with their own stuff.

Good Luck! I have confidence that you will do just fine.

Rap

[Hopefull]

Some of my teachers know my concern. My T knows some of it. My ethics teacher is the one that I shared some of it with and he is probably going to be the one to do the placements for practicum.
My pastor takes an anti-depressant and knows that I take one. She knows that I am talking to a T. However, she doesn't know how much I think about T.
T knows about how I think about her a lot. She said that she isn't the kind of person that people obsess about and ask me what it is I obsess about her on. I said her words. In a ways, that is the point of a therpuetic relationship. But, it still bothers me.
I used to talk to God in my head. Now, I think I spend more time talking to T in my head than God. I'm not sure I like that. But, God's responses are hard for me to hear. I mean He talks to me sometimes. But it is so quiet that I am not even sure if it is Him or me.
I think God wants me to become a counselor. I think He put this desire in my heart. I think he wants me to work on the things that I have chosen as my goals because they will help me to help others and myself.

[(JD)]

The stress of being a T can be overwhelming...and it's not for everyone. I wouldn't be worrying about what you think God wishes for you in the future, because it is the NOW that you must concern yourself with, imo.

Talking to T in your mind can be a good thing if you are repeating all the good adages and known actions that are in your best interest for healing. If you have to replace negative thinking, the more times you can think positive things the sooner you will heal.

Once you're healed you can work on helping others imo. Practicum can wait... or you might be able to sneak your way through. Is that really the way you want it to go? IDK. I wouldn't choose that way. I think putting off learning until you are healthy is a better way to learn. If someone is depressed they don't see things in the proper perspective, imo. I'd be leery of learning in that condition myself.

TC!