[tranquility]

Hi there,

I kept hesitating about posting here but then I read this is for everyone.

A bit about my spirituality - I was raised Catholic and was sexually abused by my grandfather who threatened that God would take him away if I told. I never told, but then he died and that was very traumatic.

I didn't remember any of this until I was 23 years old. Up until that time I was quite rebellious with the religion. I went to Catholic grammer and high school and when I asked questions that the priests didn't like I would get in trouble.

My belief at that time was that we were put here to be kind to each other and do the best we can do. I never believed in a hell. I didn't have much support in these beliefs so I declared myself atheist.

I started listening to Sylvia Brown and so identified with her ideas of what the after life was - it was everything I had thought as a child. That when we pass over the only person who judges us is ourselves and if we need to learn more lessons we choose to be reincarnated - so we chose the life that we have for a reason.

I am an alcholic who participates in AA. Initially when they said I needed to recognize a higher power - I was pissed. Then they said it could be anything that I wanted. I chose my group meeting to be my higher power - because if they believed I would believe that they believe. Eventually I decided my dad was my higher power and I talked to him all the time.

Now I have come to what I truly believe which is that an energy or entity made up of all of us is the higher power. That we are still here to do the best we can and be kind to each other. No rules or regulations, just be a decent human being.

My struggle at this time is that my sponsor tells me I need to listen to "god" because "god" will tell me what I need to do and what the next right thing is. That I need to turn all of my life over to this high power and let that power "drive the bus" so to speak. I struggle, because I believe my HP is what is keeping me sober, but I don't always believe that my HP can take care of everything.

I like to practice meditation to connect to those feelings and vibrations to try to "listen" to these messages. I like to use incense, candles, and cd's to bring me to that tranquil spot.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading - I could go on and on, but will end now.

A peaceful night to everyone

Tranquility

[(JD)]

I'm sorry for what you have gone through, but glad you have reached the point you have. (((hugs))) While I have always had an issue with those types of groups I realize they have helped many ppl reach good places in their lives.

Why not ask the universe of your energy, the energy of your universe, to reveal itself to you, to make it real, so that you can hold on to what is there, to have a Higher Power that will always be there, helping you through?

TC

[tranquility]

((((((Sky)))))))

How you just put that is the most beautiful way I've seen it said. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm going to write this down and begin meditating with it.

Tranquility

[jefftele]

hi i relate a lot re the catholic upbringing---hell,damnation even at 51 i still struggle with a loving god ,at times i completely reject it others i don't think i would have made it this far. my lack of self forgiveness combined with strict parents was a fertile bed for guilt and shame ,i have to constantly battle with myself on guilt and feeling good about myself,i'm sure now a loving god wouldn't want that for me.higher power and answers? not sure on that one i saw my aunt 77 yesterday in hospital she had tried to take her life , a thoroughly good woman suffered depression/anxiety most of her life a deeply religious woman she pleaded with me why god wasn't answering her prayers, i felt totally inadequate and could only reply god listens but you don't always get an answer, the book 'when bad things happens to good people' may be useful in different ideas about god, regards jeff

[tranquility]

Jefftele I can so relate! We grew up where religion was a threat and we were to be afraid of all elders, but especially priests and nuns.

To this day my sister still gets upset if she goes to a catholic ceremony because she's afraid she's sinning and she hasn't practiced the religion in 35+ years!

It does take a toll on your judgement skills and your self worth. It is nice to be free though, to make your own choices and know that you don't HAVE to practice any specific religion if you don't want to.

-Tranquility