[greenpunkergirl]

Hey,
I am catholic, I have tried very hard to model my life after Jesus, by being selfless, kind and caring. Doing for others b4 myself is my specialty. But I have a bf that told me if I get pregnant to have an abortion and not tell him. Unfortunatly, there is a huge possibility that I am pregnant, and I don't know if I can do what he has asked me. I made this baby out of love, it was a choice I made, and I want to have it and put it up for adoption. What do you do, when the guy wants nothing to do with it, and you feel like you have to respect him and his wishes seeing as he is the father, even though it feels like the wrong thing under the circumstances?

[Direction]

Ugh this sounds like quite the decision...

I think once you confirm if you are or aren't then you can take some time to think this through...

I think adoption is the best choice - but that really is my own belief. I'm a little confused by your post...Baby was made out of love vs boyfriend telling you if you get pregnant to abort and not tell him? I'm not sure I follow this?

[Monty_girl]

First thing you really have to do is find out for sure if you are or aren't preggers. You'll drive yourself crazy with all the what if's until you do know for sure. Then go from there as your starting place.

If you are pregnant then you have to be honest with yourself and what you believe in. If your BF can not be supportive of your choices then there's a problem in the relationship somewhere. Adoption is a wonderful thing if that's what you choose. But in the long run it is your body and your decision. It's a lot to deal with. Much Luck to you.

[nothemama8]

the part I have trouble with is, how can it be a baby made of a love relationship if your bf doesn't 1. want it 2. refuses to support 3. won't commit

[greenpunkergirl]

it was made from my love of him, not with him. He says he loves me, but I do question it.

[bebop]

hon if you believe in Jesus and his teachings then you know abortion is wrong. I know I will get slammed on that one but I am anti abortion. Adoption if you can't parent the child is the best way to go. the bf really has no say in it except to sign over his rights. do not let him force you into something you do not want!

[Direction]

I have a strong opinion about the words you are choosing, but I want to be supportive.

So, go ahead and turn off your computer and go by a pregnancy test now - you'll know for sure in less then half an hour.

[nothemama8]

sweetie I'll support you anyway I can, but IMHO he got what he wanted and isn't adult enough to make a commitment

[bebop]

I agree mama!

[greenpunkergirl]

IMHO?

[Direction]

IMHO = In my honest opinion...

[Direction]

Did you go by the test?

[bebop]

in my humble opinion

[Rapunzel]

I agree that the first thing is to find out if you are actually pregnant.

Next, whether or not you are, your boyfriend has no right to demand that you end your pregnancy (whether or not he knows about it). Both of you took a risk, and the consequences are real, for both of you and for the potential baby. If he didn't want to have to face the possibility, then he should not have had sex with you. Let me guess, you probably didn't use birth control because you don't believe in it either? And that's probably why he told you to just not tell him and get an abortion? Maybe he wanted to use birth control? Okay, but then you have to take a serious look at your beliefs and values. Is using birth control worse than having an abortion? I don't want to be mean. I really do feel for you. I just want you to think about what you do from here. Are you willing to take that risk again, knowing the consequences?

From here, you will just have to decide what you can best live with. If you are pregnant, you will never forget what you do about it. If you have an abortion, will you be able to live with that for the rest of your life? If you have the baby and either give the baby for adoption or raise the baby, what impact will that have on your life? Between all of the options, what will you feel best about a year or five or ten down the road? At the end of your life, what would you like to say that you did?

Please also consider this relationship. Where is it going, and how does it fit with your plans for the rest of your life? How do your values and your boyfriend's values compare? Are the differences reconcilable? I just have big concerns about someone who would put such a huge burden on you so that he can avoid even the responsibility of knowing about it, or the inconvenience of having a pregnant girlfriend.

It is your decision, but you did ask for help. I hope that I was not too blunt, but I just had to call it as I see it. And none of my questions are rhetorical. You decide what the answers are for you, because it really all comes down to what really matters to you, and what you are going to do with your life.

[greenpunkergirl]

I was on birth control, but I had to switch them, and the risk factor rose.

[nothemama8]

In My Honest Opinion
IMHO

Finding out if you are pregant is the first step...

I would suggest that if you are that you weigh your decision after you find out....

In my opinion, any decision that you make that is done only to satisfy your boyfriend will lead to much, much pain down the road for you....

One of my son's friends (not my son's baby)........her parents offered her just about everything for her to have an abortion - new cars etc because they believed it was in her best interest not to have a child...

So having viewed the situation from a far, it causes tremendous pain for the person having the abortion if it is done to satisfy someone else's wants.

Adoption is a really good choice... there's even open adoption where you can get pictures and such...

[seeker1950]

First of all, you must do as others have so wisely suggested, and find out if you are indeed pregnant! A test should tell you quickly, and put your mind at ease (or not), one way or the other.
I experienced the same situation at age 20, my first sexual relationship, with a fella with whom I felt deeply in love, only to hear from him when I truly THOUGHT I was pregnant.."I can't help you!!!" I manifested all the signs of pregnancy, from morning sickness to swelling of my lower abdomen! I was not pregnant, but no over the counter pregnancy tests existed at that time, and I spent a month or two thinking I was pregnant! I had been raised in a religious household where my mother told me if I ever got pregnant out of wedlock, it would "kill her!" She told me this many times, and I had such fear of becoming pregnant. I suspect you feel much the same, and since you have been on birth control, switching, I suspect you are NOT pregnant, but going thru much the same as I did.
First, find out if you are or are not pregnant. Then, listen to your inner voice about this fella with whom you are involvedl!
Abouit abortion...at the time this happened to me, in the early '70's, I actually sought out the only source of abortion at that time in NYC. Thank God, I didn't have to go thru with it!!! But my cousin did find herself pregnant, and I put her in contact with the clinic and she went thru with it. She has regretted it ever since, and probably blamed me for giving her the information. I'm ashamed to this day that I was the one who enabled her to do this. The scars of this are lifelong....though she begged me to help her at the time.
Patty

[(JD)]

GPG, I'm sorry you are even in this situation. Here is a link for a resource organization and page with many other links http://www.choosebirth.com/links.html Not for abortion. I'm sorry you didn't use protection, but please don't kill the child because of the mistake. There are many places and people who will help you, even if you have no family that will. Please TC (and let us know about that test...)

[lenjan]

Since everybody seems to think adoption is so wonderful, and nobody read this (or bothered to respond, anyway) the other 2 places I posted it, maybe it'll work here.

I'd think long and hard about all potential options, is all I'm saying.
effects of adoption on the birthmother

[InACorner]

greenpunkergirl.....As i have been viewing this, one question ( the biggest question) is ARE you pregnent or not?? You have continued to avoid the question, and whether your trying to ignore it or not ...the point is you cant ...ok...its going to be hard but you got to do it...take a test.....take two in my opionion....but dont run around in circles before you have to. And if you ARE pregnent.....there is only so much you can do to get the guy involved.....even if you continously say you made this decision with love...because sometimes even if we have a love for a person, they might not feel the same....and before you keep hanging around this loser id ditch him because if he wants no contact than i wouldnt want to put my baby near his incapable hands....ok if your not pregnant ditch his butt...you know his deal...."Once, shame on you, Twice shame on me " Good luck...and HOPEFULLY the next time you post it will be I Am/Am not pregnant...good luck

[bebop]

candy I did read your article. I really admire you for your courage. I know it must be the hardest thing you or any birth mother has ever done. give the alternative however is much worse in my opinion. I think you are a wonderful woman.
I would much rather see anyone be able to parent their child though. it is just a sad situation all around.

[lenjan]

Be, I actually agree with you -- I just wanted to point out that it isn't all roses by any means. Adoption causes just as many psychological problems as abortion. Nobody ever thinks of that, though, because they'd rather ignore us and believe adoption's just a perfect solution.

[bebop]

candy my hubby and I just went thru foster care classes. I understand how hard it is. you are in my thoughts always

[Rapunzel]

Candy, I'm sorry I didn't see your posts. I responded in the other thread.

If you could go back and do it again, would you change your decision?