[DarlaKat]

Classes start today. I'm really worried right now about how I'm going to cope with my roommate. I don't understand people. They dont understand me. Anyways, the stress is making the auditory hallucinations worse. Yesterday I went to this show with my roommate, and I heard EVERYONE talking about me in the theater, mostly calling me stupid. I heard my roommate say nasty things too when we got back. She left to do some research, I began to freak out. BAD. I was close to trying to kill myself again.

Hallucinations have been a huge part of my life, dated back to my elementary school years. I was very violent. Visual doesn't happen too often but when it does I'm usually in a strange moment of laughter, once lasting up to 20 minutes. I only had one severe psychotic episode that lasted around 2 months, where demons were mocking me and chasing me and laughing and degrading me and telling me to commit suicide so I can join them in hell. I ended up inpatient. I was very stressed during that time and that's why I'm worried now....

Im on medication, but my prescription of risperidone is too low (obviously). I don't want to end up in another psychotic episode. It was the most horrible, scariest thing I've ever experienced.

[Tsunamisurfer]

(((((DarlaKat)))))
Best get to a pdoc and have those meds adjusted.
Hold on tight. I feel for you.

[DarlaKat]

Thank you :-) I love it that I can find people on here that truly understand and vice versa :-) I'm going to schedule an appointment soon, hopefully I won't have to up them too much :-P I hate how anti-psychotics make you oober drowsy, you know?

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by DarlaKat

I hate how anti-psychotics make you oober drowsy, you know?

That's one of the reasons I have hated every anti-psychotic I've been on. But its beginning to look like I need to go back on soon. I think we're in the same boat.

[DarlaKat]

Yeah, I kind of like risperidone but its a low dose and I take it at night :-P but yeah still kind of sucks. I was on geodon at one point and HATED IT!!! Quit taking it when it made me constantly smile because that's a baaaad sign.

[grandma100]

Hey! I'm 47 and have had 4-5 episodes like that. Go to your P Doc and get new meds right away. You can be on a med like Geodon or Abilify and it will stop that crap completely. Right now the demons and voices make you fearful and unable to DO. Actually I had a homicidal psychotic break and went after the California legislators with Sarin gas and they added an older antipsychotic(perphenazine) that works great for aggression and with Geodon. By the way-that was an official terrorist threat. I'm lucky not to be locked up anymore.
Now that you are embarking on an adventure in the academic community you must make sure that you, and they, are safe. As far as school is concerned- Be Stable then you'll be Able!

[DarlaKat]

Wow, I'm sorry you had to go through something like that! Seems like you're very strong, though. I see my pdoc at the end of this month :-( I hope that I can handle this until then so I can function properly in school. I cried last night, freaking out because my mind wouldn't shut up. It was horrible. I'm calm right now, just hope things will be okay. I don't know whether I should tell my roommate I have this problem or not.

[mgran]

Hi Darla, I'm sorry you've got such a horrible thing to get through. When I started university I didn't have to share my room, we all had separates. The stress of sharing with someone else would certainly have caused me to have problems. Second year we moved off campus, and I started off having to share a house with four others (all male) and I just couldn't cope with it, so I contacted the college and pleaded with them to give me a single room again... which they did as soon as one of the first years dropped out at the end of the first term. Is that a possibility at your college?

I don't know what your roomy is like, personally I'm loathe to tell new people about my condition, I'm afraid they'll take advantage of it somehow. Not saying this would definitely happen, but you need to know and trust someone before you can share information like that.

Just so you know, you're obviously fighting it. You've got these horrible symptoms making you feel bad... and here you are, fighting the good fight. That's a good sign. Talk to your doctor, even a slight increase might do some good. Since Friday I've been in a really bad way, and I increased my meds by 50, and things are beginning to ease off. Your pdoc will help.

Starting college is a stressful time for anyone... I think that's what triggered this anxiety. There should be support on campus... a student counsellor for example.

[grandma100]

Hi DarlaKat,
Mgran is right about there being support on campus. There is usually student counseling available for free or really low cost. Not academic counseling, but real counseling sponsored by the student clinic or the psychology/social work department. It helps to use the resources because the they know student issues very well. As far as stigma with telling your roommate-tread cautiously and you will know when the moment is right.