[mgran]

I saw a thread in the DID forum, about how people with multiple personalities can be accused of deliberate dishonesty, and I'm wondering if this is an experience those of us on the schizophrenic spectrum share. For years I didn't get on with my family because they thought I was a compulsive liar. I used to describe events that I clearly remembered, but which never happened. My father and brother called me "false memory" as a joke, but were often angry with my "melodrama".

Now in retrospect I can see that some of my delusions were quite hurtful, and I'm surprised they tried so hard to maintain a friendship with me under the circumstances. Now that I'm diagnosed and on medication things have got better, and if I say something that I remember but that they know didn't they no longer get angry, though they will point it out to me. It's confusing, because now I find myself questioning a lot of my memories, things which helped form me, and make me who I am today. What can I do about this? How do I learn to differentiate between a real memory and a false memory? For example, I sometimes have vivid dreams of encounters with others, conversation, argument etc... and then I believe, really truly believe, that these events occured. If I refer to these incidents and they didn't happen, my family can understand and help me, but what do I do at my voluntary work, or to people at church, my son's friends?

It bothers me. So I'm not proferring much information, or having many conversations right now. It scares me too much that I might betray either my illness, or be thought of as a drama queen.

Who else has this problem?

[unaluna]

It's not you, it's them. Thank you, George Costanza! People who have been ostracized are more sensitive to interpersonal nuance, according to research by Kipling Williams (don't have the book in front of me, my T's got it) and will notice and therefore remember stuff other people don't. I'm sorry, but everybody I am "meeting" here sounds pretty good, it's their families that are effed. I have told my mother a story that she says I am making up, yet she validated the salient detail on which the whole episode hinges - so WTH? (there are many such family stories). I have had that happen at work too - then I just repeat the original conversation pretty much word for word from the beginning until the other person hears and remembers their part in it, then I wouldn't have to put up with anymore carp from them, and they realize what a lovely useful and charming person I really am! Give yourself a little credit! But, I also work hard to calm my hyper butt down, and try to just speak when spoken to. That keeps me out of trouble, makes me appear less annoying. Not working here though, is it? Sorry! I better go! But I am very glad you brought this up.

[mgran]

Hi Hankster... I'm so glad you brought up the memory, "word for word." Some people may have photographic memory... I remember dialogues, what people said... my aural memory is so good that if I hear someone say something in a foriegn language I can repeat it accurately enough that a native speaker knows what I'm saying. I've repeated dialogue I over heard in Zulu and Portugese, and native speakers knew what I was saying. (Those are languages I can't speak.) So yes... the aural memory really gets me... there always does seem to be a core of meaning that my so called "false memories" are built around.
I wonder if in general folks on the schizophrenic spectrum remember voice more clearly than others... it might explain why so many of our hallucinations are aural.
Regarding blame... I can't blame my brother, he had just the same horribly traumatic upbringing as I did... but I can see the temptation to blame folks. I could blame my Mum, but it's not her fault she was mentally ill. I could blame my Dad, but it's not his fault he ended up caring for young children and a psychotic wife... in the end it's best not to blame anyone. But I wish my memories could be trusted...

[Singularis]

I had the same problem.. i understand both of you.. im fairly new to the site but will definitely be here more often..

[mgran]

Hey Singularis, it's good to have you here.

[Singularis]

hey thanks.. sorry ive been gone for a while.. not gonna lie got kinda paranoid and stopped going online..

[Korin]

Like so many other people, I received many diagnoses over the years and schizoaffective disorder was one of them. Finally diagnosed three years ago with DID, I can relate. But I do a lot of reading and comfort myself with the fact that one person's truth may be another person’s lie. We say it like we see it. So shoot us.