I'm diagnosed as schizzoaffective

I've had this diagnosis for many years, and I have wrestled with inappropriate emotions that seem to want to surface, but it is inappropriate for them to surface. I tell my psychologist about them and I am taking a medicine to help me contain them. For a long time I thought people in the mental health field would exagerate the effects and existence of stigma, till my wife of 11 years died and I received very little effective emotional support. I think it is, in part, due to the fact that I have a mental illness and my family wants very little contact with me. I was always fine with this situation, till my grief became so painful, I needed to become an inpatient at the local psyciatric hospital. I realized about this time, that they were not going to be emotionally or financially supportive, in any real and effective way, and that I needed to look else where for emotional support. I've been going to lots of AA and Alanon meetings and to church on Sundays, to build a net for emotional support, beneath me. It hurts me to realize how little they did, while I grieved. I need to give these resentments to God, and focus on my here and now, however. I feel like I not only lost my wife, I lost most of my birth family as well. If I had cancer, would they be this distant? I'm confused...

Brook, that must be terribly painful. I'm sorry you lost your wife like that, and the pain you are be suffering with such little support.

My wife is my emotional and financial support, and my biological family sadly have very little to do with each other, except when most of us get together for a barbecue every year. We care, but just not very practically (we're all caught up in our own little problems), and if my wife dies before I do, I don't think I can expect much in the way of support from family, any more than I will be in a position to offer any practical support to them when they need it. I try to reach out to them when I can, but relationships somehow seem to remain fairly platonic.

I think you are right about mental illness drawing less support from people than a physically obvious illness such as cancer would. I think people generally are aware that cancer could happen to anyone, even themselves. But the idea of mental illness is difficult for non-sufferers to relate to. Some even think of the mentally ill as deserving their suffering for being weak.

I have a friend in my bible study group whose wife has cancer. He is a compassionate guy who knows suffering in a big way. But he also rips into "lunies" with disdain - "nutters" are people who are just plain weird and down right dangerous to society. I haven't told him what I deal with daily.
My symptoms can be undeniably obvious to the group, but they avoid asking about them as if I have the plague. The advantage is I don't get treated any differently to anyone else either, which can be a good thing when I need that.

Even the mentally ill can be guilty of this discrimination and hurting other sufferers.

I have mental illness all over my family. My niece has regularly been in psych hospital for decades. Until I was diagnosed recently, I was too terrified to visit her, much to my shame. I knew something was badly wrong with me, and I wasn't going to let those "drug peddlers and shrinks" spot me and sink their teeth into me. I was terrified of what I might get diagnosed with, and the discrimination and stigma I would have to live with. Strange world, eh?

What finally drove me to a diagnosis after 30 years of dodging was my own inescapable agony and crippling inability to function in a normal life sustaining job, even as a freelancer. If my wife dies, and I have no financial support, I'm dead. She assures me she is worth more dead than alive. I'd far rather have her alive, any day.

I think many healthy people fear that helping someone with mental illness can be perceived as committing to a signed blank cheque - you have no idea what sort of liability you are letting yourself in for if you get involved, both financially and emotionally.

Brook, thanks for sharing your experiences here, and on your blog.

TS

Thanks for your insight.

brookwest, I'm so sorry for your loss--that must be difficult for you. Most of my biological family has nothing to do with me--or I should say I have nothing to do with them. They are totally un-supportive of me so as time has moved on I moved on without them. I'm very lucky though, I have my mom and step-dad who love me and support me. I know they always will. But, I sometimes miss my old family...I hope you can find some peace.......D.

My husband is schizo-affective. His parents deny there is any mental health issue with him. We have been legally separated for 1.5y, but continued to live together b/c he had nowhere to go. When he told his parents, he was looking for support, and they ignored him. They wouldn't let him move back home as long as he is on disability. His other 2 healthy siblings have returned home and living there for a very long time (over 10y).

I and our 6yo son are the only ones who have ever shown real love and concern for him. We will be divorcing soon, and I am still the only one looking out for him. We live in and I take care of my parents 3 family home. I will be evicting the family on the 2nd floor, so he could live a few feet from us and make the rent affordable, otherwise he would have to move into supported living (which is awful).

His family is terrible and he deserves better. Yet he has made decisions for their benefit that has been to our family's detriment. That has been the undoing of our marriage.

Decision making is not our strong point. I'm thankful that he will be living with you so you can keep an eye on him. Thank you for being a support for him, even if the only one.