Losing Control...

Music is such a strong link, for me, between the memories and the very emotions I'd felt at that time... It's strange, my life fell apart after my ex-fiancé left me, had our daughter (planned), took everything - I listen to Lydia and I'm right back to the feeling of driving down the road late with her; singing along to 'All I See', hah, staring down at cloud 9, I'm there and it's beautiful as ever, but over half a decade later I'm slowly recovering (not really...). Then throw on some Stars 'Set Yourself on Fire' and I'm therein the best summer I've ever known. It's crazy, hence my profession, just find a way to work with a memory, be passionate about the past tho never let your past be your passion.

How's this done?

Hadn't committed any 'serious' self harm for a few years as I'd Od'd, coded, and had found my life without -

Almost a year ago I stabbed myself in the chest, went through, severed the main arteries whilst wreaking havoc on my left lung - had to be re-constructed.

I'd not known why, I was triggered and absolutely **** faced, but happy w/ life ever since my long time best friend stranded me in SC months prior. No reason.

Day leaving hospital - week stay in constant care, watched non-stop, convinced them I was mentally stable (always do) but believed it too..

Felt it was time to change much

Gf and her son had been evicted, I took care of them non-stop, put life on hold

Lost many friends and a couple very close ones

I haven't changed at all if anything I regressed

Brain damage

4.5-5 mins coded prior a stroke and having lost > 3/4 of my blood, 2 separate times, another for much less time.

Life's just out of focus a little.... O.o

.:|[9]|:L¡ves.:¡n:.|[9]|:L¡35:.

Hi, DJCNIn, and welcome to Psych Central! You have had some sad times and rough times, haven't you? We are glad you are here.

I hope your life can get back into focus soon.

I like to pick music that brings back good memories.

DJCNI, I've had a couple times where it was difficult to come back to life after being "almost" dead--technically I was not brain dead so I was not dead but it was hard to get myself to come back...if you experience being on the brink of absolute death and you come back, it takes a toll on you. Its a traumatic. It affected me in many ways and I'm not sure I can really explain how I felt or what I went through...its still sorta surreal to me. I know, today, I don't want to die. I hope you want to live...its hard when so many bad things happen to us...we have to find the hope that somehow things are going to get better for us. And, I believe there has to be something worthwhile in this world and I want to stay alive for for it...