[kaylaurynn]

This is my first time posting on here..
I've realized that I do need help. I've been dealing with depression for years now and I've notice it gets worse each year. I try my hardest not to hurt myself, but it's getting harder each night for me to stay in control. I don't hang out with anyone really, because I never truly feel good enough to. I can't sleep at night because of insomnia, so my depression really hits then. I feel like anyone I talk to does not or won't truly understand how I feel. I don't just have depression, I have schitz, anxiety, and other issues I deal with from day to day. It's making me feel hopeless.
I don't intend on ever committing suicide, but I'm tired of feeling the way I do. I feel like there's a black blanket of bad thoughts over my head all the time. Other people make being positive and happy look and seem so easy. I just don't understand or feel like I could ever be truly happy. So I know I need help, but I don't know how or where to go. I'm 18 years old and I don't want to get my parents involved. They already have a lot of issues going on in their life and I don't want them to worry about me. This is something I want to do on my own. I was hoping someone could help me out on here and point me in the right direction.

[Blue_Bird]

Hi kaylaurynn, I posted in your other thread but will post it again here in case you didn't see it.

I'm sorry you're going through so much. Have you considered therapy? If money is an issue, you could try a sliding sale clinic. I truly hope things get better for you soon.

[neil w]

I've found that making friends with others with our illness is a great help. If you want write to me personally, PM me and we can talk. There arent any support groups in my city specifically for schizo and Ive had to make do with a few penpals. I feel i can reveal more to them in private than i can on a forum and we've become good friends. Im sure there are many here who would also listen to you privately.

[desoleamerique]

You're not on your own, people have solidarity with you.

[brackenbeard]

Originally Posted by kaylaurynn

This is my first time posting on here..
I've realized that I do need help. I've been dealing with depression for years now and I've notice it gets worse each year. I try my hardest not to hurt myself, but it's getting harder each night for me to stay in control. I don't hang out with anyone really, because I never truly feel good enough to. I can't sleep at night because of insomnia, so my depression really hits then. I feel like anyone I talk to does not or won't truly understand how I feel. I don't just have depression, I have schitz, anxiety, and other issues I deal with from day to day. It's making me feel hopeless.
I don't intend on ever committing suicide, but I'm tired of feeling the way I do. I feel like there's a black blanket of bad thoughts over my head all the time. Other people make being positive and happy look and seem so easy. I just don't understand or feel like I could ever be truly happy. So I know I need help, but I don't know how or where to go. I'm 18 years old and I don't want to get my parents involved. They already have a lot of issues going on in their life and I don't want them to worry about me. This is something I want to do on my own. I was hoping someone could help me out on here and point me in the right direction.

Accepting you need help is A GIANT STEP WAY TO GO!!!! You should pat yourself on the back.

Well y'know what there's something called the "medical model" you need to consider here. The medical model is what mental health professionals believe is the right way to help sufferers of mental illness. The model is based on: regular visits with a psychiatrist/and therapist, being medication compliant, and understanding resources available to you in the community (like who to call in an emergency) **for the record you should research "Lifeline". Lifeline is a number to call in emergencies that sends people to your home who will JUST talk to you. They're not there to take you to a hospital.**

The reality of living with serious mental illness means protecting yourself, and doing what you need to do, and knowing what to do to make sure you're ok. Every life in this world is precious, and means something. As you get older you're going to understand more things about your illness, and it will likely get easier for you. I suffered horrendously for years with psychosis, anxiety, ocd, and bi-polar but now I have a life. You'll have a life too. NOW GET TO RESEARCHIN.

[SmileHere]

Hey kaylaurynn,

Have you tried fish oil/omega 3 yet? Have you researched nutrition?

Have you talked to your doctor about this? What meds are you on and what dosages? Some meds can have suicidal thoughts as a side effect. Research your meds, there's a lot of info online.

Do you stay up long behind the computer? (That's what I used to do and couldn't sleep then) Computer off at least 2 hours before sleep. More than 4 or 5 hours computer time a day can cause depression - there has been a study in Japan (TV and phones can be a problem too, if too long). Drink soda/Coca Cola or coffee or other drinks with caffeine?

For me, it was sometimes helpful to write down worries in a journal, or write online on forums or blogs. Can you text to friends if unable to socialize in RL? It's good to be connected to people.

I'm currently researching other views of 'schizophrenia/psychosis' too, the shaman model where it says it can be a sign of 'spiritual awakening' etc. There's a thread about it in the schizophrenia/psychosis subforum.

I know it sounds horrible at first, all these diagnoses... People have recovered from them though and this makes me hopeful for you too!