if you could be honest

The fact that I have schizoaffective d/o does not mean that my physical issues aren't real.

If I disagree with you, don't give each other that knowing look that says, "She's irrational. We must mollify her and pretend that we agree. Clearly she's delusional. We're the only ones who know everything."

^ This. I went to the ER a few months ago because the left side of my body suddenly went numb and my vision went blurry... They wrote it off as me "just having an episode". I'm never going to the ER for anything ever again.

I was in the hospital for 11 days.

I want people to know that this is a real thing that people can have. Please don't joke it off and laugh as if it is not a real thing and making you seem as if your an attention *****. It's a very scary thing and I need all of the support from loved ones, not "oh, your just fine." No! I am suffering right before your eyes! Help me! Don't ignore it!

... Just because I can't explain my thoughts in my confused state, doesn't mean they aren't real or legitimate.

To my Pdoc: not all delusions are obvious - if I can't identify delusions and point them out to you, it doesn't mean I don't struggle with finding my way between delusions and reality.

That I am not proned to criminal behaviors...

That yes, sometimes I have to have a stay in the hospital, but that doesn't mean they've drug me there by my hair!

That yes, I am concerned about my children, and no, I probably would have not had children if I'd known, but I didn't know, and I do have beautiful, bright, center of my world children, so **** off with the judging.

And to repeat what others have said...no, it's not always an episode. I am a human being, after all. And no, Sza is not multiple personality disorder. Even if you catch me muttering spitefully. I'm keeping myself from bytching loudly and spitefully.

Believe it or not, most of the time I can tell reality from not-reality, and I still have to deal with the not-reality experiences at the same time, while knowing that they are not real. You can experience something as though it is real, while knowing that it's not real. This is my most common state, as it is the "in between" phase between total lucidity and completely slipping into psychosis, the phase where I can and do still reality test effectively. But I also have to reality test, so it's still a struggle.

I agree. That's exactly how I feel!

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I am like that for the first couple of hours, but then I completely lose touch with reality and believe everyone else is delusional and I'm not, and everyone else are evil demons trying to convince me I'm delusional so that I cannot carry on with my "mission."