Question on opinions or similar experience.

Yea I used to stay on YouTube watching all kinds of different things conspiracy theory's, things about the government gonna collapse, the myan 2012 thing before that came and passed. I could find all kinds of things to feed my delusions.

Those are most definitely delusions. Which can happen with both schizo-affective and bipolar I.

Usually it is schizo-affective if there is at least one psychotic episode outside of mania or depression. Psychosis is usually considered hallucinations or delusions or both, particularly with schizophrenia.

So I am schizo-affective: Bipolar type. Which means I have had delusions start when I am not manic or depressed. I don't have hallucinations (I don't think...lately some strange things have happened), but it is possible to be psychotic with only delusions and not hallucinations.

Anyway, my delusions usually involve me being a very important person as well. I will believe I am a reincarnated music goddess and my mission is to spread music. But I also become paranoid because I think everyone is possessed by a demon and they are trying to take away my powers and send me to Hell. It get's full-blown delusional when I start to believe that everyone else is delusional and I'm the one that is normal.

There is a (sometimes short) time frame when delusions first start where you are still aware they are delusions. At that time you'll keep going back and forth between the delusional thoughts and reality. Sometimes I will start to having delusional thoughts but then they will go away if I reality check with someone. I was starting to get them yesterday and it went away when I was around people. Delusions typically come out of the blue...and come on quickly. I'm going to give you a link to a website that describes delusions really well.

Schizophrenia Delusions | Schiz Life

Hope this helps!

Thank you. Yeah as far as I know I dont hallucinate. The closest thing to an auditory hallucination is hearing my husband or someone else say something then ask what they said or say "what?" or "did you say something?" and then they didnt say anything.

Sometimes that is a hallucination. Just depends.

Anyway, thinking the books are about you is called a delusion of reference. Like I said, I will start thinking songs are all about me. I will rationalize older songs (before I was born) by thinking they were written about me in a past life. It will play into my grandiose delusions, where I start to think the songs are about me because musicians are worshiping me.

man!!!!!!!!!!!!! i had this delusion. are you getting messages from the books, or you think they are about you/your past? or hold some kind of clue to your future? (that's what i used to think)

i had to go to hospital when i was going through this. because it happened in the radio, and movies as well. even movies i've seen a million times, i swore were written about me in some way or pertained to my past/future. it was also in every conversation strangers had around me, everywhere i went everyone seemed to be giving me clues/messages or talking sh it about me. it got so bad, i thought graffiti was written about me as well.

that was a really jacked up time in my life, i was telling my psychiatrist and it seemed they just would raise my dose of my meds (i was on 1,200mgs of seroquel at one point and like 4 other meds). one day, i was laying in the tub probably disassociating. my mom was pregnant with my sister and i thought i got this message from "god" to kill myself, that i was a waste, and "he" had blessed my mom with a new baby to start over.

i ended up going to hospital voluntarily and i had a hard time even trusting my grandma to take me there. everything in the hospital was simulated, i felt like everyone was mocking me... it really sucked ffs.

anyway. sorry to ramble. i don't even know how i got through all of that. i know what it all was today, vs then. i can tell you, that was THE WORST time of my life, i was like 16. i had a job i had to quit and an apartment i had to abandon. totally sucked.

big hugs to you, i know what this feels like. i'm really sorry you're going through it. <3

Yes this is it exactly! But not thr radio tv etc...yet. Lol!

crap, i really hope that it doesn't get as far as the radio, telly or movies. because that crap sucks. if you aren't comfortable with going in to hospital, at least find someone here to speak with that you can semi-trust even if it's on an anonymous level, just so you can get that out of your head. listen, you are not insane and i believe you. message me anytime, i might be able to help you sort through the confusion. idk you, but i love you k.

Yeah ive been to the hosp a lot but cant go at this time. Too many things and people to take care of. Thank you

hahaha, going IP isn't an option for me at this time either.
although i don't think i need it, i've got a pretty good grip on my head.
i have thought of going IP just to restart medications, but i really don't want to do the whole med thing again. most days are rough, but lately things have been pretty smooth.

May I ask - how long did it last?Did it affect other people other than you, and did it then affect your relationship with your interests? I thought a radio speaker was communicating his love to me through songs and ads and coded phrases, with quite disastrous consequences, for both me and him. It lasted four years, and made my passion for music and other interests basically die. Because then it happened again, in other circumstances, with somebody else. Every time I hear a song now, I'm afraid, and hate the fact that my love for art - the only love I truely ever felt - turned against me.

it lasted awhile, i'm not sure how long. this part of my "psychosis" just sticks out so much because it was really really bad. if i think about it, maybe 4 years. it did greatly effect my interests, i turned into a completely different person, extremely paranoid about everything, and thought that everyone who spoke to me, did so in a mocking tone. it was real bad. i barely just got over all of that and am getting back into movies and music, which i really really enjoy. i used to go to a lot of concerts and i was always outside, like doing music-related things. promoting shows, going to shows... it all died when that happened. but don't loose hope. it will come back, and you'll rediscover your passions. you've just got to get through it. don't let it win.

what do you mean by effect other people? like did they hear it too? no.
which i thought they were just messing with me.

it's taken me years, but i have figured out the entire reason for all of that.

I think she meant HOW did it affect other people? Like, how did it impact people that care about you and such?

I could be wrong though.

if that's what she meant, then no one gave a **** and everyone thought i was completely insane. hahahahahahaha.
couldn't talk about it with anyone, everytime i did people would just tell me i'm trippin. and my psych would up my meds.

What I meant is, if you believed all these messages were being conveyed to you, did you also develop a belief that somebody in particular was communicating them to you, and so you also communicated to him/her, and involved him/her in the delusion? For instance, I once thought that a famous singer was singing songs about me, and so I wrote to him, to thank him, etc. After I noticed he was wearing, in a video, the same earring I was wearing, I started calling him something like "my darling twin of the hyperuranian"... In your case, if I'm not indiscrete, what was the reason that you've figured out?

to think about it beyond being a mental illness. For hearing the radio say personal things to you in your hearing. the transduction function of your hearing would have to stop the actuall sound and overlay or insert the voices that you hear. i found this out over time, they would make the DJs sound crazy and unintelligible and randomly hear my name.

yeah, i totally knew who was behind it all. but it was a distortion. it was designed to make me look crazy if i tried to ever explain it. it's hard to talk about, because people ride it off as a delusion, and i refer to it as a delusion because i'm tired of people telling me that i'm delusional. so outwardly i agree that i was delusional, all the while knowing i'm not, nor was i ever, delusional.
there was no point in me confronting people since they would just act like they had no idea what i was talking about. but would do weird things like wink at me or say "i don't know what you're talking about" while nodding and smirking. confusing times, glad that is over.