[bpforever1]

I feel fine today. I fixed my computer because it was crashing. I would like to walk today. I am sitting in my parents' home. I don't like watching television. My parents watch too much tv and it annoys me. I try to stay away from being too absorbed in using technology. I think technology is convenient but when used at the expense of one's health and mental sanity, it is not good. I used to be addicted to the Internet. Now, I don't feel an urge to use the Internet too much. Before, I would check the Internet all of the time. Now, I just use it once in awhile.

While I was psychotic, I had no need to check the Internet. I also stopped wearing my glasses. I started to wear my glasses again and am glad I can see now. For some reason, I thought my vision improved, It did but not enough to do without glasses.


I am happier now. I will continue taking the shots of Maintena. I think it works.

Tonight I think we are eating tofu and vegetables.

I also want to work again if possible. I need to fully recover first though. I like working but my mental stability is a priority. I will work when I feel I'm really stable.

[Moose72]

Hi all. I usually post on the bipolar board but my pdoc changed her mind after years and said Im sza. I do have psychosis outside of mood episodes.

Today, I feel ramped up but sick. Ramped up like Im revving my engine but am in park. I have this nauseated almost-dizzy type feeling. No more coffee than usual- ate breakfast with my coffee...

I, too, can't keep up on housework. I'll go in fits where I run around cleaning for hours, but other days I can 't even sleep with sheets on my bed- they're crumpled under the comforter at the end of the bed.

Lately, I've been posting in my bipolar blog (link in signature) - my pdoc thinks that's always a bad sign when I do that, but I've had so many awesome ideas and discoveries, I have to get them down. The last week, I figured out why and how antipsychotics are killing me.

With or without meds, I still hallucinate, have delusions, get hypo/mania and sometimes depression. (Recently, I thought people were in my walls so I hid under the covers in my room. Yes I did - at 47!) Meds have trashed my physical health over the years. I have a list "this long" from a checkout report after I saw my primary doctor recently. It includes my "list of complaints"- all the things wrong with me currently- all of my current diagnoses. To read it, you'd think "Geeze! Why hasn't she just dropped dead already?" I attribute these back to one thing: psych meds. (Obese, high blood pressure, high blood sugar... )For instance, lithium carbonate trashed my thyroid. I now have big nodules, hypothyroidism and a metabolism that's in the toilet. Moreover, Zyprexa gave me fatty liver disease and by the time we found it, it was pretty advanced. I'm desperately trying to diet and exercise to reverse this- but its still there and Ive been off zyprexa for quite a bit now.

These are not all my complaints but today I really don't feel good physically- haven't for several days.

[bpforever1]

Moose72, I know how you feel about your weight. I just got a blood check and will know the results next month. I am also trying to lose weight and move more. It is not easy. Luckily, my parents are both skinny and don't eat a fast food diet. Today, I ate yogurt, bread, chicken, rice, vegetables, and drank tea. I have so far lost about five pounds since I started dieting for a week. Thus, I hope to maintain this loss until my next appointment at the clinic. I also walk about thirty minutes a few times a week. I also don't use the Internet or watch TV while I'm in my apartment. This helps me to focus on other things, such as cleaning my apartment. I am doing better than before when I thought space aliens were chasing after me. I had conversations with them and such. I was really psychotic for about six months until the Maintena shots started working. I am happier now.


I have had sza for about twenty years now and still become psychotic. Each psychotic episode has worsened my recovery time, meaning it has taken me longer to recover after each episode. I think the shots are good for me because I forget to take my medication. They have many side effects but I am trying to overcome them one by one. I truly want to remain stable but every three years I forget to take my medication then become psychotic. Thus, this time I am hoping the shots will prevent this.

I also post in the bipolar forum and don't think it is a problem if you double post here.

[Moose72]

Im starting to think that I don't have schizoaffective disorder or bipolar disorder. I feel fine.

But here's a case of extreme medical intervention. Was it warrented? It seems so. But at what cost?

I just read a case report of a man with delerious mania. https://www.hindawi.com/journals/crips/2012/720354/ Yes it is rare but of interest isn't the delerious part but the mania. They pumped so much medication into this guy! Again- they'd rather he not die immefiately so they'll just medicate the hell out of him. I hope this medication course was short-term- and that Depakote was all he remained on- although Depakote is a serious drug, in my opinion. They followed him out one year and then lost touch. We can't know what indefinite high doses of Depakote and several other psychiatric medications did to him. He also received several ECT treatments- bilaterally. This is an extreme case with extreme treatments that resolved quickly. One wonders what the lasting effects will be.

[bpforever1]

I am doing well today. I went shopping with my brother. Tomorrow I will go out with my mother. I am at my parents' house now and am waiting for dinner. I think we will eat salad. I am feeling fine. I am happy.

[Moose72]

I'm Free!
I feel like I'm a car that's got the parking break stuck on and yet I'm pushing down the accelerator over and over. I've felt mildly nauseated for the last week- like I need to vomit. Today is an absolutely gorgeous day! Bright sunshine, blue sky with puffy white clouds, fifty degrees, slight breeze, trees are flowering and in bud, grass is green, flowers are up and bloomed... I am FREE! Free of all the worry, angst, fear, aweful side effects from drugs. There's a spring in my step, a dance is my shuffle, a whistle on my lips... I am care free. Foot loose and fancy free! My thoughts are abundant and they come to me with exacting ease. I am a genius- God has given me this gift. My life is one again! How it was and how it SHOULD be! All the experiences of my life joined as one- like a choir singing gregorian chant - in unison, separate entities joining as one being, the whole greater than the sum of its parts.

P.S. A couple days this week, I've been so exhausted that I've laid down in the late afternoon and just CRASHED! I slept like a kid after a long day of travel or play- over two hours SOLID after only just having laid my head on the pillow.

I also am on a roll - each time I have sex its better than all the other times combined! Its really indescribable! And its not just me- its him too. And I should say its better than all the other times not just with him but for the entirety of my adult life!

[Desoxyn]

I don't think I can possibly get anymore manic than this. But I don't think I seem manic to others. I'm too aware of my own thoughts and actions but I have racing thoughts very definitely and I love it. I was never diagnosed with bipolar so I'm safe to say that I won't go into the deep end and I know I'll be able to sleep tonight because I sleep a lot naturally.

[Desoxyn]

It's been 10 weeks. Between that a few ups and downs but not as UP as this since the last time I posted here. I can't stop laughing. My thoughts are really funny.

I felt almost like this last night and then took 75mg Seroquel and went to bed. Yesterday morning I was so numb and unmotivated but still went to community outreach coffee connections and just left and said bye to everyone because I couldn't care less about the trivial things that they were talking about.

But now that the Seroquel has worn off, I would definitely care just to talk!

I'm skipping the seroquel tonight to see if this lasts.

It's hard to tell about my moods because of the supplements and meds that I'm on so..

[bpforever1]

I'm doing ok. I am progressing in my studies and feel good about it. I'm hoping to become an interpreter/translator as well as a teacher. I believe I will reach my goals. I don't have any symptoms and am still receiving shots monthly. I feel rather good and am happy!!

[WastingAsparagus]

I am doing well this morning. I have an interview today for a copywriter position (not copyright, haha, but copywrite). I also am progressing with my master's degree.

[Under*Over]

Just had therapy. I think it went ok.

[bpforever1]

I am moving and doing well still!! I am happy!! Life is busy but not too stressful. I feel good about myself. I received word from a friend that he will introduce me to his friend who is a manager of a language company. Then, I will be able to work hopefully as a medical translator/ interpreter. I am going to first take some exams in speaking and writing before meeting the manager. I will study as much as possible and do my best!