[firstmate]

About a year ago my husband was making calls to people who weren't there. What I mean is that he would make a call on his cell phone and talk for a few minutes, allowing me to overhear his half of the conversation and sometimes even asking me to say "hi" to the person on the other end. When I checked the cell phone usage, no calls were made or recieved at that time. When I asked him about it, he said that the people he was talking to were kind of paraniod about privacy so they called with their numbers blocked or unavailable to caller ID. I tried to tell him that the calls still took up our mobile minutes and should have been on our cell phone usage for airtime. After a big argument, the people he was "taking to" died under mysteryous circumstances (just like a family on a TV show we saw that week).

Now he's claiming to talk to people again, when I can hear, with no cell usage. What should I do?

Any suggestions or support would be appreciated.

[pachyderm]

If this poses a problem for you, or for your husband, how amenable would he be to checking it out with a mental health professional?

[firstmate]

He won't go to a mental health professional. I'm beginning to think that when he was younger someone diagnosed him (he was court ordered to them in his teens) and he doesn't want to go back. When I went to see one for my issues he kept asking what we talked about. That along with other things has stopped me from continuing with a therapist.

From what he has told me his experience with mental health care professionals was not pleasant and not something he wants to do again. He wants me to "get over" my depression but he refuses to admit that he talks to people who don't exist among other things.

Guess I'm just frustrated and venting.

[pachyderm]

How long ago was this experience with mental health professionals?

I too had bad experiences with mental health professionals, and it made me very leery of them. But things generally may have changed some. One just has to be very mindful of what you want from them (not easy for someone mentally distressed) when looking for help.

[firstmate]

I know things have changed from when he went in, this would have happened in the late 70's I think. What he says his therapist told him to do could be an episode or running gag in a sitcom, if they would let it on the air. (Now they would talk about it but back then words like that weren't used on the air.) Anyway, until HE realizes that all therapists aren't quacks and weirdos he's not going back. And since he's not going back he may never realize that. Part of his illness is that the world is out to get him, therapists especially.

Hard to use logic to battle that.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by firstmate

Part of his illness is that the world is out to get him, therapists especially.

Hard to use logic to battle that.

You don't use "logic" to counter a belief that is based on actual experience, however faultily understood. You use (I think) the suggestion that things might be different now. You cannot promise that they will be different, just that there is a possibility, and that it might be worth checking. Especially if he has someone on his side who understands.

[WikidPissah]

Just a thought, maybe a stupid one, but....
A lot of voice hearers use a cellphone to talk to the voices. I know I do. It helps to "cover" the conversation, kind of beats talking to the air. I personally have an old non working cell I use in pubic places so as not to look too crazy. One thing I have learned is that when people try to push through hallucinations and tell me they're not real, I get defensive and it often pushes me further away. They ARE real to me. Maybe you can acknowledge that you know he's hearing these things, and let him know he can tell you about them. Try to keep him in real conversations as often as possible, until he gets to the point where he wants help. (of course if he's violent or in danger you need to get help asap)

[firstmate]

As I mentioned in the first post, when confronted with the facts (that our cell minutes were not being used) the people "talked to" died mysteriously. This time they are friends of those people. The first time there was also an issue with someone he WAS using our air minutes with. He focused on that and said almost nothing about the minutes that were not used.

I just want to help him, but I don't know how.

[WikidPissah]

I have put my family thru this kind of pain. I can't tell you what will work and what won't work...I wish I could. All I do know is that when I am in that place, confronting me with the facts pushes me deeper into the psychosis. I stop trusting the people close to me and become secretive. I think the best thing you could do is get some help for yourself, maybe not telling him you're doing it is the best thing for now. You really need an expert to tell you how to handle it. Can you talk with his primary doc? My heart goes out to you, I can see the pain in your post and how much you love your hubby...he is so lucky to have you. I hope and pray you and your husband find your way thru it.

[spiritual_emergency]

A suggestion: Put some reading material in the bathroom. Sooner or later, he'll probably get bored and reach for it.

Given that he is not open to accepting a "medical label" I suggest you look for material that represents an alternative slant. My preferred terms for the experience known as psychosis in this culture is ego collapse/fragmentation or a fragmentation crisis.

I've found a great deal of help for myself via the work of the Jungians, in particular, John Weir Perry who worked with schizophrenic individuals for over 40 years. At his Diabasis project in San Francisco, 85% of the clientele moved through their experience and stabilized without the use of any medication. The Far Side of Madness and Trials of the Visionary Mind are two titles of his that might also make up some appropriate bathroom reading material.

I would suggest you read those books as well so that the two of you will "know the language" and thus, be able to communicate about his experience. It seems to me that this is the most critical factor right now -- that the two of you be able to talk about what is happening for him. From there, you may be able to launch into a conversation regarding forms of treatment he may be open to.

Good luck.

~ Namaste

[spiritual_emergency]

Here's one such article available for free: The Far Side of Madness (Review): http://www.tygersofwrath.com/psychosis.htm