[XXadamXX]

I don't really have much emotion. I was married, but i've never been in love, just infatuation. No one understands what i'm going through. No one to talk to. I can't even bring a tear without staring into the sun or poking myself in the eye. The only thing here is emptiness. I think this is one of the hardest symptoms of my schizophrenia to deal with. Not because I care, but because I know i'm supposed too. And i'm tired of having to pretend all the time.

This is the hardest for me to.I want to feel but it's just not there.The only feelings I have are 1st and foremost loneliness.It gets unbearable at times.No matter who's around.I guess because I've been alienated for so long and then that pisses me off.2nd anger or even rage,I actually feel better when I'm pissed off.I'm a musician and every once in awhile,(about every 6 months) I shed a tear if I play something very well and people don't notice that it took everything to pull it off and it was executed perfectly.It's like they talk about feelings but yet they really don't have any all I see is false pride , vanity , jealousy and manipulation.Which is Ok and kinda funny because It pisses me off and I feel better knowing I don't share the same 'feelings" I see there behavior as narcissistic at best.I also feel your pain or lack of or what ever we should call it. It's a lonely place that only we understand.Try to feel better knowing your not alone

[XXadamXX]

Well this is my first step. Talking to other people like me. You're right, I can't really describe the feeling I have as lonely but more like a complete emptiness. In my mind all I want is a family with a wife or girlfriend that loves me. But I can't even show the same feelings back because I've never been in love. And in the small area I live there isn't much opportunity for a normal life.

[Shoe]

I came across this site after I did a search. I haven't tried it but here it is in case anyone is interested.

http://www.trueacceptance.com/

http://www.onlinepersonalswatch.com/...l-singles.html