Think I'm Going To Die

KUREHA · Apr 08, 2011, 10:18 AM

I think I'm going to die.

Since I saw the camera close up a couple weeks ago, I think it was be ready.

I noticed less sleeper cells today when I was out. So they must be taking it more seriously - so I don't notice so much.

I'm sure they are going to attack this month

lynn P. · Apr 08, 2011, 10:24 AM

I'm sorry you're having these feelings (((KUREHA))) - have you told your doctor specifically about these thoughts and feelings rather than just the nurses. I'll be praying and sending positive vibes to counteract those thoughts - hang in there - okay?

costello · Apr 08, 2011, 10:34 AM

I'm sorry to hear you're in danger. Is there anything you can do to make yourself safe?

KUREHA · Apr 09, 2011, 05:40 AM

Thanks,

I haven't told my doctor or nurse much recently - because I don't want to go to hospital.

I'm just being extra careful and not going out much.

Yoda · Apr 09, 2011, 06:16 AM

I am sorry that you are frightened, Kureha. I will be thinking positive thoughts for you. I think you should call your doctor and tell him how you are feeling right now. I hate going into the hospital too but sometimes we have to. Ask your doctor what he thinks you should do.

Please keep posting here and let us know you are okay.

Apr 09, 2011, 06:43 AM

Kureha ,sometimes when you worry nothing happens right?Sometimes I stay safe even though I was sure something bad would happen.Has that happened to you?This could be one of those times.Are you all by your self sweety?So,you feel safer indoors then.Is there anyone who can accompany you when you venture out?Are you taking your meds as directed?You have to remember how important that is.My son did really good unless he refused meds.I feel strongly that you will not die.That noone will hurt you darling.Let us all know how you are doing when you get on line.Alright?

Try to reduce any stress that is happening near you...other stress.You know that is a big trigger sweetheart.ok?Just try to slow your thinking...and focus on something lovely,and take some slow deep breaths.

costello · Apr 09, 2011, 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Thanks,

I haven't told my doctor or nurse much recently - because I don't want to go to hospital.

I'm just being extra careful and not going out much.

I'm glad you have a plan to keep yourself safe.

KUREHA · Apr 09, 2011, 11:11 AM

I don't know if I'm going to tell my doctor or nurse yet.
I just started my meds again a few weeks ago - but I skip some days, because I don't really need them.

I go out with my mam, but I think I need some police protection, I tried to tell her - but she doesn't believe me.
I know they are there though and just waiting for the right time - because they still keep watching me.

I just need a plan - but I'm not going to let them kill me easily anyway - I'm going to be ready

mgran · Apr 09, 2011, 11:20 AM

I think you're safe when you go out with your Mam. She mightn't believe you, but she's looking out for you. I'm a Mum, and I'd rip someone to bits before I'd let them hurt my child. I'm sure your Mam is the same, and you're safe when with her. Police protection isn't going to happen, and I don't think it would help anyway. But your Mam you can trust.

costello · Apr 09, 2011, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgran

I'm a Mum, and I'd rip someone to bits before I'd let them hurt my child. I'm sure your Mam is the same, and you're safe when with her.

Amen, Sister.

Apr 09, 2011, 12:51 PM

Kureha...think about this.

When ever you have gone in hospital....

were those times when you skipped your medicines?

Really think about that.Try to remember if hospitalizations were at times that you did not take your meds.

Please be cautious about 'making plans' to defend yourself...and being afraid.

Sometimes when we are scared...and ready to defend ourselves...we assume something was a threat ...when it really wasn't .Ok?...

Just don't want you to do something because you are afraid.

Just a couple things to think about.

It's good that you go out with your mum.....she will look out for you and protect you.No one could hurt my son if I am there.

safe hugs
WOlf

Yoda · Apr 10, 2011, 10:48 PM

Kureha, how are you feeling now dear? I hope you are okay. I want to encourage you to keep taking your meds even on the days when you feel all right without them. I have felt sometimes I didn't want to take my meds either. The right meds can help you feel better though. Please let us know how you are feeling.

KUREHA · Apr 11, 2011, 05:36 AM

Thanks,
I trust my mam sometimes.

I know if I stop my meds - I'll end up in hospital - already been told that.

I'm not going to take out a knife to protect myself - I want to be safe - but I made a promise to my psychologist that I wouldn't.
She was saying the same kind of thing.

I'm ok - just been staying in and trying to distract myself - but they keep watching me.

10:22 AM

Kureha....You are making good choices sweety.I'm proud of you.Distracting your self is an excellent way to handle some of these feelings.Have you asked your psychologist for a number to call if she isn't in?Someone you can call if your fear or worry gets too large?I think you are doing excellent!

Ardmore · Apr 11, 2011, 09:43 AM

Who's this they if you don't mine me asking?

spiritual_emergency · Apr 13, 2011, 01:23 AM

Kureha: I know if I stop my meds - I'll end up in hospital - already been told that.

I know you really don't like taking them. But I also know you've really put a lot of effort into trying to get by without them. I wish I knew what the perfect thing was that might help you 100% but I don't know. If I find out, I will share it though.

For now... maybe it's time to give the meds a chance Kureha. If you don't, you'll never know if they might make a difference for you. I don't say that easily because I'd much rather see people manage without them. I also know they don't help everyone but for some people, they seem to help quite a bit. Maybe you're one of those people Kureha and this is your chance to find that out. Of course, that doesn't mean that you stop doing anything else that helps you -- there are all kinds of things that can help.

Meantime, I'm too far away to help give you physical protection but I will think good thoughts for you and send them your way. Maybe if we all do that, we can wrap you in a bubble of care that keeps you safe from the people you're frightened by.

~ Namaste

costello · 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spiritual_emergency

Meantime, I'm too far away to help give you physical protection but I will think good thoughts for you and send them your way. Maybe if we all do that, we can wrap you in a bubble of care that keeps you safe from the people you're frightened by.

I'm adding my good thoughts to the bubble of care around Kureha.

KUREHA · Apr 13, 2011, 07:50 AM

Wolfsong - I don't get to see my psychologist anymore, I can still email if I need to though - but I shouldn't be and my nurse said no calls inbetween when I see her. I'm doing ok though - just being careful.
　
Ardmore - They are all the people in the conspricay against me - all the sleeper cells.

Spiritual_emergency and Costello - Thanks - I'm stuck with taking my meds if I want to or not, I was doing ok without them though.
Thanks for that

Apr 13, 2011, 03:30 PM

Really want you to e-mail whenever you feel the desire if it is possible sweetheart.There have to be phone numbers you can ring in your area for moments that you feel you require advice,encouragement etc...where's Byz?

KUREHA · Apr 14, 2011, 06:10 AM

There is just the samaritans, that's just if you are suicidal though.

Just had a huge argument with my dad because believe the stuff I say and he was just laughing at what I was saying.

costello · Apr 14, 2011, 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Just had a huge argument with my dad because believe the stuff I say and he was just laughing at what I was saying.

I'm so sorry. That must have been hurtful for you.

Can't Stop Crying · Apr 14, 2011, 06:24 AM

Your dad never should have laughed. I'm sorry he did that. I'll help provide you that bubble of protection...I will send good thoughts to help keep you safe from across the ocean!

Apr 14, 2011, 10:24 AM

(((((Kureha)))) I am so sorry he chose to be insensitive.Even strangers care for you.You are worthy of being cared for.Every time I see your name pop up,I just have feelings of protecting you and wishing I could make you laugh and smile and be without worry.I hope you know that you are a good person,and worthy of safety,smiles,comfort.You hold your head high .We are here listening sweety.

KUREHA · Apr 15, 2011, 07:32 AM

Thanks Everyone.

My doctor is coming next week to see me, because my nurse cancelled today and he said it wasn't fair that I have to keep waiting.

Apr 17, 2011, 11:07 AM

That is correct...it wasn't completely right to do so much waiting.I am pleased that the issue is being resolved.I have been away a bit...but when I check in...I look for you to say hello.People at p.c care ,and want to know how you are.So do check in and update us.I am wishing you feelings of safety,calm...and peace!....Till I sign in again...be well Kureha....WOolf

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