The monster voices cane back again tonight. I really don't like this one. I don't even know how to explain it except threatening. I don't inderstan why I have been having so much psychosis science about may. That's not my normal way. The antipsychotics dont seem to help all that much, or would I just be in real trouble without? I am so confused about what is happening.

I'm sorry I post on here. But I am not muc help to others because I don't want to say the wrong thing. Never sure what is a good thing to say. sorry

I hate the monster voices so much, I can't sleep like this. It's 4 am now. No one around. I went outside I think there was a mouse outside, but that's it. Mice aren't particularly chatty at four in the morning. Can't keep missing my sleep I am already manic. I will stop myself from doing chores right now, and try to go to sleep. Sorry I just feel like chatting. I hope everyone has a good morning..

[costello]

Sorry to hear the voice is back, Anika. I hope you got some sleep this past week.

I slept some nights, and missed some nights. Thank you Costello

[mgran]

Anika, I'll be praying for you tonight, to have a good sleep, and a cessation of the voices. (((hug)))

thanks Mgran, I get so scared to sleep with the voices, I know they are in my head and I have this real fear of going in my head for sleep with them. I don't really know how to explain it. I guess much like if you have seen a nightmare on elm street movie. That sounds silly tho.

It feels like if I have to go to sleep then I may have to be active with the voices. We'll all be trapped in my head together.

[costello]

Originally Posted by Anika

I slept some nights, and missed some nights. Thank you Costello

I'm glad you got some sleep at least.

[costello]

Originally Posted by Anika

thanks Mgran, I get so scared to sleep with the voices, I know they are in my head and I have this real fear of going in my head for sleep with them. I don't really know how to explain it. I guess much like if you have seen a nightmare on elm street movie. That sounds silly tho.

It feels like if I have to go to sleep then I may have to be active with the voices. We'll all be trapped in my head together.

Anika, I really think you need to sleep. You have to find a way, because lack of sleep will only make the situation worse.

If you think you're going to meet these voices in your sleep, why don't you plan for it? Make a plan for what you will do if you have to face them down. Maybe you can imagine yourself as something or someone very strong in your dream world - a warrior or Amazon, maybe - and hold that thought as you go to sleep. Or maybe instead of going prepared to fight, maybe you can go as a healer who's just there to find out why your voices are suffering so much and to see if you can help in some way. Imagine yourself a companion, maybe - a wolf or a bear who can help keep you safe.

I know it seems scary and out of your control, but these voices are products of your own mind. They have some meaning for you. If you can find the strength to examine them a bit, they may quiet down - like a crying baby being soothed by its mother.

But one way or another, you've got to sleep. Did you know that one of the symptoms of sleep deprivation is psychosis? Take any "normal" person and keep them awake for a few days and they'll likely start hallucinating.

[mgran]

Originally Posted by Anika

thanks Mgran, I get so scared to sleep with the voices, I know they are in my head and I have this real fear of going in my head for sleep with them. I don't really know how to explain it. I guess much like if you have seen a nightmare on elm street movie. That sounds silly tho.

It feels like if I have to go to sleep then I may have to be active with the voices. We'll all be trapped in my head together.

It doesn't sound silly at all, I know what you mean. Haven't seen the film since I was a teenager, and they still feel horrifically familiar. You know, I really do find that music helps. It shuts them up, or drowns them out. You could try that, perhaps.

You poor thing. I hope they go away soon!! I'll be hoping for you to feel better as soon as possible... My psychosis seems to not be acting up tonight, but... My experiences are going to be posted soon in this area of the forum. So I can just tell you: I know what you're going through. You'll get out of it. They always go away.

[costello]

Hope you slept last night, Anika.

[mgran]

Just checking in to see how you're doing Anika.

Thank you guys for all the support and kindness,

I did sleep, I took a couple Ativan, I had some suspicions about a white lady on the patio this morning, but I went out there for my coffee and all was fine.
I guess it really is a waiting game.

Costello, those are some really good ideas, I wish I had a therapist that was better at dealing with psychosis. I like the lady I have, I have been with her for almost five years, she is a great person, she just isn't very good with this stuff. It's a small city too so not a lot of options. But I think I can try some on my own, maybe with the stuff I am less afraid of. I wonder if there are some books, I am going to search online and see.

It is definitely getting worse as I age, I can remember the first time I had hallucinations when I was 11. So I am a little scared of the future is it is going to continue to progress this way.

[costello]

Originally Posted by Anika

Costello, those are some really good ideas, I wish I had a therapist that was better at dealing with psychosis. I like the lady I have, I have been with her for almost five years, she is a great person, she just isn't very good with this stuff. It's a small city too so not a lot of options. But I think I can try some on my own, maybe with the stuff I am less afraid of. I wonder if there are some books, I am going to search online and see.

It is definitely getting worse as I age, I can remember the first time I had hallucinations when I was 11. So I am a little scared of the future is it is going to continue to progress this way.

I'm glad you like your therapist. That's important.

I think it's a good idea to read and research on your own. You'll know what resonates with you, what seems like it would be useful. And you can read beyond the materials about psychosis and mental illness. The idea about preparing for dealing with the dream characters I got from something I read many years ago - maybe as a teen - about an Indian tribe - from South America, I think - who counsel their children on how to deal with nightmares. If the child has a nightmare about being attacked by an animal, for example, the parent might coach him on how to re-enter that nightmare with a plan for how to handle the situation so that it had a more positive outcome. The idea about offering the voices sympathy I think I got from Podvoll's Recovering Sanity.

There are so many things you can try.

I also think it's a good idea to start with the things you're less afraid of. You'll gain confidence and strength with those. Then maybe you'll be able to tackle more challenging things. If you were to begin lifting weights, you wouldn't walk into the gym the first day and try to lift the 300 pound weight. You'd end up injuring yourself, and you might even give up on weightlifting altogether. Start with the lighter weights and work your way up.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by Anika

I did sleep, I took a couple Ativan, I had some suspicions about a white lady on the patio this morning, but I went out there for my coffee and all was fine.

I'm glad you got some sleep, Anika. Ativan works wonderfully for me too.
I hope the monster voices leave you alone now.

I'm so glad you've been doing at least a little better!! But I understand how scared you are. Mine have been getting worse with age too & that makes me worry quite a lot, as well. Take care of yourself! And I'll also be trying Costello's suggestion, so perhaps we can trade success stories? :P