Schizophrenia talking?

I've been going over and over in my head this idea I've been curious about... I get them all the time... Just wanted to actually post one of these ideas to get another idea, am I dilusional or just a deep thinker?
I guess only a t can answer that but still I feel the need to post this. Perhaps it's because of my uneasy feelings today, I tend to over post when I'm uneasy...

So my idea...

The "future" is something that has not happened yet correct? It's something that is always pretty much one step ahead of us. Yeah today is the future for what was in the past but at the moment of the "future" it only becomes the present. You can never reach the future. Ask me what I want to do in the future, I can't tell you because it does not exist. If you can not reach it somehow, if every time you go to reach it and it changes to something else, perhaps it never existed to begin with.

This being said, perhaps the past does not exist as well. It's just something that "follows" us. Often I've pondered over the idea... (Ever since I was a child for that matter) fo, "perhaps my life just started at this very moment and I was just given all of these memories to get me started, but these memories never happened. The past never happened because it does not exist.

If you can never reach the future than there is no future, without a future there is no past. There is only the here and now, nothing else exists on this world.

Make sense to anyone?

Dilusional a little? Confusing to anyone?

Tried some "deep thinking" last night... I got too far. Often it happens, I think a little too deep. I go in depth and hit a wall. One of these days I wont be able to turn back, I can feel it. One of these days I will break through that wall and will learn something that will change me forever, for the better or the worse I still don't know.

Something is trying to keep me away from it, got into a deep thinking cycle last night only to be drug deep inside for a breif moment (or 30 minutes who knows) into a black hole and got shoved right back. Not like the normal blackouts from dissociation, something is keeping me from these secrets locked inside. Secrets about the world and the real way things are. I wont be kept out of my own head

Rereading this, I'm sounding whacky... But still I want to know...

I've been in deep thought over time lately... The fact that time plays such a crucial role in this world. But it's my idea that time doesn't nessesarily exist and that without the restraints of time, we would be able to more easily solve many of the mysteries surrounding existance in general.

Just another thought, I could ellaborate but I don't want to make myself sound any more cooky for a day... Or atleast for one thread a day

I couldn't say whether what you describe is a symptom or more of a philosophical pondering. Only your pdoc/T could tell you what they consider this to be. I often wonder about time and memories and how do we know what reality is when it is so subjective, and I don't have schizophrenia. All I do know is that it is not good for me to get consumed by these thoughts. My confusion increases, as does my fear, and my productivity decreases big time. Whether a symptom or not, I would caution you against over-thinking this.

All the best,

*Willow*

Yeah that's concerned me... I just can't shake these thoughts, never could. I obsess over them all day every day. My boyfriend often says I do this thinking way too much and it's the reason for so many other troubles I have. He could be right... So many mysteries...

Who draws the line between dilusions and philosophy?

My past t once told me I was a philosophical thinker. Another t said I was dilusional... I don't know which to be the case. Perhaps you can only be a philosophical thinker if you are dilusional?

I want to dig deeper. It's an itch I need to scratch. Last night threw me for a loop. The way I was pulled out and back in, even though it was in my mind, it felt kind of violent. I doubt this makes sense to anyone but it's the way it felt.

I don't know if it's good for me to continue this thinking or not but the way I look at it... People take drugs and risk their lives to think the way I do, see the way I do and hear the way I do. Why not make use of this... Gift/curse whatever it is that so many people think they want?

I don't know if it's a good or bad thing to be the way I am, think the way I am. I know it's hard but I also know I would be so miserable not knowing... How can you restrict the mind? It's limitless right? So how can thinking be dangerous or bad in any way? But it can... But I don't want it to be...

Funny that millions of people take a really dangerous drug to feel the way I have felt my whole life, but here I am looking for a way to get rid of it... But not lately... I kind of would rather it just stick around... Visuals/audio/tactile hallucinations haven't gone away but now that I know they aren't real... Why can't I just be me?

I don't want to be the woman on the street corner yelling at herself homeless and alone, I'm a schizophrenic and with that comes a lot of challenges. But I don't want to completely disregard everything that I am because the doctors say I crossed that thin line... When they don't even know where that thin line is to begin with

For me, the more I think about these things though, the more confused I get. So I know that I will never find the 'answer', if there even is one. That is why it is dangerous for me and I try to stop myself from getting obsessed with this train of thought.

Stay safe

*Willow*

I know where you're coming from as often I am there. Although for the last 6months to a year (also conveniently since I've hit a rough patch with my emotions) I feel myself getting closer and closer. I feel something big about to happen if I keep digging further... I've been afraid of it but today... I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't be. Maybe I will find the answers... Maybe I will go "crazy" or maybe just maybe the ones who call me crazy are themselves "crazy" for not having an open mind.

Basically I feel something coming, the deeper I dig and the more I look for answers the closer I feel to something what that is I don't know... But I'm so intrigued I can't look back now...

Thank you by the way for your responses

Questioning the existence of time is an ongoing debate in philosophy right now...I just saw a documentary on it describing it like you did;

I guess my thing would be to wonder....do these thoughts bother you?
How do you feel about your "past", or, worst/best case scenerio- (depending on how you look at it lol)-these given memeories?

Take care,
-obj

These thoughts don't so much bother me as they concern me for my mental health, I just want to be sure to stay away from the dilusional field, but I guess we have to straddle that fine line if we want answers, perhaps this is why we never find them.

My "past" wouldn't have been the most pleasant. The memories given to me or created by my existance weren't the best but I don't really know how I feel about them anymore... I'm starting to not feel anything over it. It happened, or it supposedly happened, either way I'm here now so...

Thank you for providing me with my next question to ponder... How I would feel in relation to these thoughts

good thread.

im obsessed with time.
im obsessed with philosophy.
i have taken up looking into the philosophy of time travel, remembering it from the movie Donnie Darko.

im not entirely sure what to think because my mind is rather open, and my beliefs transcend beyond science. i feel many things could be possible, even on the lines of science. so my thinking encompasses all. i spend a lot of time thinking deep deep deep about things. i can't help it mostly, i get pulled in, and yes its like a drug. the feeling is good, but not the feeling of being pulled in, the feeling of knowledge and exploration flowing into my brain. a lot of times i say i am in love with knowledge.

as far as memories, i think of scenarios far out like "the matrix", or "the island". i think of reality the same way, beyond just memories.

i think about how i watch documentaries of the past and think about whats the possibility that dates are just a number we use to countdown how many times the sun has gone up and down from a certain point in "history", and what are the possibilities that, say, its still 1964? for example.

time shrivels and kills humans. we only live so long. perhaps its not TIME that ensures that but something else. we could be sitting in one place. sure the earth turns, etc. as far as time goes i dont believe its a physical quantity. but i keep learning.

this is why i love philosophy. i hate when theres a conclusion, but i love the feeling that there could be. possibilities.

If this were me, I would be concerned about where this certainty is coming from. I don't think the questions you and I are asking have answers that we can ever be 100% certain about.

I wonder if the certainty that the answers are within sight is edging towards the invisible line separating deep thinking from delusional thinking? What do you think? Do you think you could ask T and Pdoc what their take is on it? Obviously they will know you and your patterns of 'symptoms' better than we do.

Take care

*Willow*

I think what you're describing is more of an obsession than a dilusion. An obsession can be dangerous to when it starts to consume your life. If you were delusional (concerning this) I think you would be more obsessed with your answers are right, you are absolutely sure that your memories of the past are false and anyone who tells you otherwise is crazy. That's just my personal thoughts on the matter. It does seem that it might be bordering on delusional when you speak of being sure there are answers that you can find and there is some force keeping you from them. I couldn't quite understand what you were saying about that; if that's how it feels or if that's something you know to be the truth. One of my professors loved to ponder these types of questions. I tried to stay away from these thoughts as I feel like I get trapped in them and can't get out because there are no 'answers' that I can determine to be truth. ALthough I am struggling with the topic of 'truth' lately. I think as a schizophrenic it is easier to get caught up in this stuff because everything is relative. What is truth. I had all these hallucination, I thought they were true, now I know they weren't real, are my other memories not real, if I was so sure about something that wasn't there how can I be sure or anything. I used to rely so much on logic and truth to get through anxiety, and now I feel I have nothing left to ground me. Trapped in a world where I can't be sure or know anything. Yeah, kind of tangent, maybe we're both delusional.

Thanks for all of the replies. Any time I have ever tried to talk to anyone about anything similar to this they either get all uneasy and want to stop talking or they don't understand what I'm saying and they look at me like I'm an alien. Ickydog, you are right, I do kind of feel like something a "force" I guess some would call it, is keeping me from these secrets. Something is keeping me blinded and if I can find a way to fight off this "force" or just get past it, I will unlock so many doors. So much "knowledge" and I will have these questions answered. Questions of the world. I would know how and why we are, this is, what existance is in general, that's my biggest question. Purpose behind everything.

Yet I do believe perhaps the human mind is not strong enough to handle the truths of the world. I do however think I am different than the rest of the world. As we truly are. There have been very very few who have been able to understand me like this, the ones who do, I think we are on a different level of existance. We are all "human" but our bodies and our minds are not the same. Our minds have gone a step further into whatever "realm" "plane" "life" (whatever word you chose) that we are currently in. A door was open for us and in that door were millions of other doors that are being stopped by something... What that is I don't know... But if I/we can figure out what is keeping us from this "knowledge" anything is possible.

Having an out of body experience showed me that while the body does have limits and restrictions, the "mind" "spirit" "soul" has no limits. The possibilities are limitless. Without time restricting our bodies, our souls can flourish and prosper. But for now they stay with the body. Perhaps the body is what blocks us out?

Perhaps, as mentioned above... Certainty is where dilusion and philosophy meet. I can't say that I am certain time does not exist. I can say however that I am fairly certain that once my body passes and my mind is free that time will no longer exist and that perhaps the only reason it exists now is because our bodies are on a limit. Imagine a "time" where there is no "time" there just is And I pretty strongly believe that without this body that is what we will encounter.

But I do not wish to leave this body any time in the near future. I don't even hope for another out of body experience. I was very hesitant to post this. I was worried users would find me strange or just be confused. The feedback has made me much more optimistic and less nutty. Thank you again

I can't resist donning my phenomenologist's cap again briefly again to toss in a couple of observations that have come up on other threads from time to time.

One, time is primarily a creation of the human mind, made in order to organize/sort events. It's the best equivalent we've managed to devise to spatial reference, i.e., direction. But it's concept, not physical. Only the present has reality in the sense that north has.

Two, as far as we know, animals live in the present. However, they do have some sense of past and future. How else could they learn that when you tear open that certain package, a treat might be had? Or when those certain tires round the corner, you are coming home? They don't think past/present/future as we do ... but their minds have also organized before/now/later for their own purposes.

I think this relates to the discussion ...

Okay. Cap off. Fun though!

Thanks roadrunner. You brought up another topic I've often thought of, animals. First let me say thank you, you are correct (in my belief) that time is something that we in the human body have created to organize and plan out our time here in the body.

I've often wondered though, does "time" speed for animals or "slow down"? Or is it the same? A dog aged 7 years per human year correct? So dogs sleep more and nap frequently during the day. Eat frequently drink water and use the bathroom like 3 times as much as we do on a daily basis. It makes you wonder if perhaps not only they age faster but if "time" itself is passing faster for them than it is for us?

Time can stretch out and seem like an eternity or a week can seem like the blink of an eye. I've had moment of "slow motion" and had moments where it seemed everything around me was accelerating at a very fast pace. Does this show that time is only what each person experiences it as? What each persons idea of it is?

Do animals pass time much more quickly than we do? Perhaps that is why they are so quick on their feet, because to them they are just jogging when their "time" is faster passing than ours. But to us they are extremely fast because our time passes more slowly...

Another one of those "food for thought" topics

People and their trivial ramblings. They really annoy me sometimes. I know it's bad. As mentioned on another post, sometimes your illness makes you feel like a bad person. But it's rather frustrating. I do not wish to have a 2 hour long conversation about your baby daddy and why you are not applying at the local restaurant. I don't want to listen to you try and write a letter and help you with the spelling I learned in the fifth grade.. Ok I'm being mean now but I really just want to be left alone.

I've had friends throughout my life. As a child not really but once I hit the teen years I was able to put a cover on my thoughts with alcohol. I made many friends and many bad choices with those friends. I've had many friends along the way. At this moment, I have none. But I want it that way. I can no longer force myself to have meaningless mind numbing conversations, they make me want to pull my hair out. The only things that run through my mind when I'm putting on my "happy professional" face at work is "I want these people to leave, their dull sorry excuse for conversing is making my ears want to bleed"

At home I'm fine. Around people in my "comfort zone" I'm alright. They too aggitate me from time to time I wont deny that. But not all of the time. I can't count how many times I have sat there thinking "I can not believe I am being forced to listen to such sound polution"

So here I am at work ready to rip my coworkers hair out because they want to have a "friendly" "light" conversation with me. I will of course refrain because I don't want to hurt anyone.

Last night I kind of lost touch I guess. I started questioning my reality. Started wondering if I existed, if any of this was real, mostly if I myself and the things I have experienced have been real. Or perhaps I am not real, a ghost maybe? Nothing at all maybe? My soul in the very least is something. I guess the fact that I go straight home after work and never really interact with anyone outside of work and my very close family, perhaps this self inflicted solitude is the reason for me questioning my reality.

I'm still not quite sure just how real I am, or if I am what everyone else is. Perhaps my soul is different from the rest, or perhaps my body has already gone but my soul is too broken from that to accept it. Perhaps I am just imagining the things that surround me, the people that surround me. But I am not. I must remind my self of that..

Something stopped me again last night. It seems something doesn't want me to get the answers. When questioning my validity I hit the wall. When wondering if not real what exactly I would be, something kept me from getting that answer. It seems to be a somewhat angry force that does it as often when I hit this wall of sorts I feel as if I am jerked away forcefully and am afraid and begin to develop a headache after. Of course this could be due to a mix of my dissociation and schizo there really is no telling...

It's a wonderful recipe of many difficult ingredients that make a wonderfully insane girl... Fun fun...

Angry today I guess. Or perhaps everyone else is just out to irritate me today. I have these days. I'm sure it's the childlike part that believes they are all out there to irritate me intentionally but every word that comes out of oevery persons mouth today makes me want to never speak to another human again. So irritating and shallow... I'm sure your hair will matter when you've passed into the next life so yes, please continue to complain to me about your terrible hair cut

I guess this would make sense but eck... I never thought I was a narcisist. I still don't think it's fully accurate, the "explouitiveness" part. I would never hurt anyone to gain anything, my past has given me too much of a big heart to see anyone suffer over anything, even if it was to save my own life. The rest though does sound kind of like me... Wonder if it has to do with the schizophrenia, I'm pretty sure it's a common thing to think you're superior and on a different level than the rest of the world right? So are all schizos narcisists? If so, or even if the majority were, wouldn't that just mean it was a symptom of something? Confused... Anyways yeah I'm bored and would much rather indulge in my mental obsessions than talk with anyone at my work

I've been kinda in a tailspin lately from the questioning reality and the validity of anything around me. For me it's more a fear that anything and everything, including memories, could just be halluciations, the only reason I've been able to recognize any things as hallucination were because they weren't logical, and then I start to question what logical even means. Maybe I'm the sane one and everyone else is crazy for not sensing these things. I'm scared that I'm going to blink and something will dissappear because it was never really there to begin with and I just never knew. My friend helped me get grounded a little, focusing on the feel of objects, but still I have to rely on faith that anything is real. I'm just having a hard time combating these feelings right now.

That's rough, sounds like we're in the same boat. I think I have to try to stop this thinking for a little bit. Let my mind take a break. See how long it lasts, not sure if I can even make it through a day but I need to try...

I hope you start feeling better soon...

Did the daily schizo test today... My score jumped from 26 to 41... Interesting... Makes me wonder, do all people feel this way when they hit a "rough patch"? I can see why others would call me "crazy" but really, I am thinking they are more blind than I am crazy. Is this how the psychotic phase begins?

New theories, new ideas, but who is to say they are false? Saying the things I believe are untrue would be just as outrageous a statement as saying they are true am I right?

I kind of don't really care if I'm labelled "psychotic" this thought worries me, no I take that back, it makes me want to worry but I'm so deep in thought I don't care. Wish I could worry about this, perhaps I should but it keeps sucking me back in. I have to give it all up or give in to all of it, there are no other options...

hi. Umm realize to other people your a light in their eyes and to their third eye you give them a little "blink blink" LIGHT bulb to them. *ideas. Moreover you make life what it is...i do too. The black outs are simply that when it does occur just pause take in your sorroundings and GO! don't really try to do anything else. Life happens gravity energy chi Only we are on earth the only thing really to do is work it and live. We cannot live alone either...NO one CAN. O and as a past that brush on your hand from touching the doorknob thats the past or how about the way your hair is now brushed is that not in the past too! No one comes into this world fully grown! LOL that'd be funny and a little weird but anyways...the disillusions or illusions are just that don't let them be just realize what they are! ANd then move on! They cannot control this world! IF you cannot realize what they are just say whatever or ignore it dude, live. NOW....um moreover to rid the voices you must do two things and there is two ways to go about this. 1st when you hear a voice bring your attention to yourself immediately this will totally distort them both inherent and not. then your free to focus do what your doing! 2nd step talk to people it is important to commune in your environment to cohere and do things again! No one is born with this disorder it comes naturally. my second method is; 1 surge emotion when you hear voices it will distort them too! then interact with people...With enough energy and time spent doing this you will be cured!!!! It works but you must commit at least for a couple of weeks...You will realize how normal you and people are and interact normally!!!! well I always said "say what you mean and mean what you say, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!" Good luck! Lemme know how you are, later.