I was talking to dr today, and he is trying to convince me that I blame myself too much. I don't know how to let go of this. Any thoughts?

[Shoe]

M.Scott Peck starts his book Road Less Traveled with the line life is difficult. That book is supposed to be the most popular self help book ever sold. He was a psychotherapist and he stated that people that take too much responsibility are considered neurotic and people that take too little responsibility could be labeled as having a character disorder. A character disorder is much harder to treat he stated so at least you got that going for you.
You might want to check out these two sites on self compassion
http://www.self-compassion.org/
http://www.mindfulselfcompassion.org/
Also check out this Rick Hanson you tube video about taking in the good and filling the hole in your heart.

[costello]

Does your therapist have any ideas?

I would be inclined to redefine it as a problem of excessive guilt or shame. Then I would use mindfulness, CBT, or DBT skills to deal with these emotions.

My son has issues with blaming too. I think he blames himself for negative things, then he feels so bad about himself that he pushes the blame onto someone else.

We'll be having argument. He'll give his side. I'll give mine. Then he'll say, "So it's all my fault?" I've asked him to drop the idea of blame. If we have an argument, it's likely that we share the blame. But it's so much more complex than that. Maybe the guy who cut me off in traffic earlier that day is a little to blame too. Maybe the person who was rude to my son at the store that day is a little to blame. It would be impossible to totally tease out who all is to blame and to what degree. We'd have to know everything about everyone all the way back to the beginning of time to decide who's to blame. Maybe if we could know all that, we'd just decide to be kind with ourselves and everyone else and relax in the knowledge that we're all doing the best we can under the circumstances.

I like that costello. Are you a professional Therapist? It is good advice, thanks.

[costello]

No, I'm not a therapist, professional or otherwise.

I've thought that I have creepy bad luck.

[glorp]

No one's blameless, and therapists are trained to dissuade you from blaming yourself. They're biased in your favor or at least have to give the impression that they are, even if you're a thoroughly wretched person. Obviously, no shrink is ever going to tell you "Yeah, you're pretty much scum for even thinking that. If you don't feel terrible about yourself already, it's time to start..." It never happens. So, no, you can't trust a therapist who tells you you shouldn't blame yourself, because that's what they have to say, no matter what. Nor should you blame yourself, regardless.

There are other people you hold in low esteem, right? If you have low-self-esteem, you could be one of those people, and your analysis could be spot-on. Most people who enjoy the fruits of western industrialized civilization do not really deserve the level of material comfort we enjoy relative to the great unwashed.
The thing is, it does no good to blame yourself. It only makes things worse. It makes you into a bitter, toxic person who brings down other people and causes additional harm. All you can do is forgive yourself and move ahead from where you are.

Also, your perception of yourself is to be trusted less than what others think of you, if for no other reason than majority rule. If you think you are thing A and everyone else who knows you tells you (really, literally tells you out loud) you are thing B, you are probably thing B and you are probably wrong about yourself. (And even if you're not, you might as well be.)

And no, I'm not a therapist either, I'm a crazy person who is going to the doctor tomorrow to get help. But not in the form of counseling. Talk therapy for psychotic depression is rather like taking a strong bridge hand to a machete fight...

That is some of the best most honest advice I've heard in my life.

merci boucoup messier(sp)