[Sapphire2012]

Hi

I haven't been on the forum very long but have made a few threads. Basically I have GAD and generally manage ok until I am under extreme stress. My partner or ex as of Friday has schizophrenia and is having an episode. I've been with him nearly three years and do love him so much but sometimes he can be really mean and say some horrible things. He generally a loving guy and considerate and understanding but he just makes it very difficult to trust him. When he changes, he does whatever he wants, chats up other woman, swears at me, shouts at me and seems to not even care how I'm feeling. Then he believes I'm being unfaithful and that I'm on the side of the hospital and that I want bad things to happen to him. I mean I've done everything to try and show him how much I care and now he even holds it against me that I'm a support worker. Sometimes I just can't win. Friday he hurt my feelings so much that I ended it. At the same time though I do really love him and want to be there for him but he makes me feel like nothing I do is good enough. He doesn't think he's unwell he thinks the hospital want him to stay there so they can take is energy. Please tell me, has anybody managed to trust and have a faithful, successful relationship. How does it feel to go through these things? What could I do that would help if anything. I'm just so exhausted!

Originally Posted by Sapphire2012

Hi

I haven't been on the forum very long but have made a few threads. Basically I have GAD and generally manage ok until I am under extreme stress. My partner or ex as of Friday has schizophrenia and is having an episode. I've been with him nearly three years and do love him so much but sometimes he can be really mean and say some horrible things. He generally a loving guy and considerate and understanding but he just makes it very difficult to trust him. When he changes, he does whatever he wants, chats up other woman, swears at me, shouts at me and seems to not even care how I'm feeling. Then he believes I'm being unfaithful and that I'm on the side of the hospital and that I want bad things to happen to him. I mean I've done everything to try and show him how much I care and now he even holds it against me that I'm a support worker. Sometimes I just can't win. Friday he hurt my feelings so much that I ended it. At the same time though I do really love him and want to be there for him but he makes me feel like nothing I do is good enough. He doesn't think he's unwell he thinks the hospital want him to stay there so they can take is energy. Please tell me, has anybody managed to trust and have a faithful, successful relationship. How does it feel to go through these things? What could I do that would help if anything. I'm just so exhausted!

Sapphire-- i am an older diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. you will need to have a strong support system outside of your boyfriend or significant other, (for yourself.)if alcohol is involved, you may encounter the unpredictable behaviours as he may feel the need to defend his position again and again and men react differently when under the influence of alcohol. Alcohol affects judgement. The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill is an organization in the United States that offers up support groups for those who are diagnosed and those who love the one with the illness. However, They are heavily bias toward using medication as the only treatment method. Religious organizations (local churches) may also be of help. The fact is : He will feel abandoned and betrayed by you. and if you want to stay with him, you will need a support system in place in order to take good care of yourself first. Only you can truly decide if it's over.

[fishsandwich]

Originally Posted by Sapphire2012

Hi

I haven't been on the forum very long but have made a few threads. Basically I have GAD and generally manage ok until I am under extreme stress. My partner or ex as of Friday has schizophrenia and is having an episode. I've been with him nearly three years and do love him so much but sometimes he can be really mean and say some horrible things. He generally a loving guy and considerate and understanding but he just makes it very difficult to trust him. When he changes, he does whatever he wants, chats up other woman, swears at me, shouts at me and seems to not even care how I'm feeling. Then he believes I'm being unfaithful and that I'm on the side of the hospital and that I want bad things to happen to him. I mean I've done everything to try and show him how much I care and now he even holds it against me that I'm a support worker. Sometimes I just can't win. Friday he hurt my feelings so much that I ended it. At the same time though I do really love him and want to be there for him but he makes me feel like nothing I do is good enough. He doesn't think he's unwell he thinks the hospital want him to stay there so they can take is energy. Please tell me, has anybody managed to trust and have a faithful, successful relationship. How does it feel to go through these things? What could I do that would help if anything. I'm just so exhausted!

Probably the best thing you can do for him is make him feel believed and supported. Whatever he's going through, he's probably going to feel very violated by the hospital.
Of course, I don't advocate that you actually do that. Far too draining. Take care of yourself first. If he deserves someone so understanding and supportive as you seem to be, when he's of sound mind he'll understand whatever you've decided is the best way to care for yourself.

Mentally supporting someone with Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective can be tiresome, draining, & unpredictable. You DEFINITELY need to consider your needs. Even when you *are* taking care of him, he believes you are against him... So I don't think it's of any consequence to his perspective whether you take a mental break for yourself, because it sounds like his paranoia is pretty static. But you cannot sacrifice yourself for the sake of someone else... That is unwise & I am sure that, if he were in his right mind, he would not ask something like that of you. This is just my perspective, being someone who is trying her hardest not to be incredibly burdensome to her doting fiancee. : )

[Sapphire2012]

Hiya

Thanks for your comments, I appreciate the advice. I have had a rough couple of days with a lot of mood swings and my anxiety was getting on top of me but I'm feeling much better today. I have been trying to make sure I'm looking after myself. I had a good talk with my partner and let him know just how much he hurt me last week and also listened to how he was feeling why he's been lashing out which I think was good for both of us.

He appreciated that even though we had split a few days before as soon as he asked me I went get him from hospital and he said that made him feel like I still cared about him. This was his second episode since we've been together so he wasn't as worried about me judging him as he was before. Both of us have had support from his church (thank you for that suggestion). Now he's been feeling better he's been really trying, he's been meaning again when he says he loves me and hugging me much I have missed so much. I have been showing him that I do really care and now it seems he does feel like he didn't mean a lot of hurtful things he said and didn't mean to treat me that way. He's still not 100 percent but even just to see part of the way he used to be gives me some hope.

Sometimes the difficult part is I'm a planer and I get really anxious when I don't have a plan. When we start building and working towards things everything falls apart, it's almost like I go through it with him and then it seems we have to start from scratch again. I see how frustrating it is for him to have to start again. I do often wonder if it's possible from us to build. It's good to hear when people manage to make their relationships work against the odds.