Delusions or not delusions? Schizotypal PD, or Schizoaffective? Or none of the above?

I was the same way until I was sectioned. (That's British for 'put in the hospital against my will'.) Did that place ever put the fear of God in me.
I don't do any of this stuff because I really like it. I do this stuff because there is no way in hell I am ever allowing doctors to torture me (and it was torture) again. This is not a fun, successful, or proud place for me to be. A lot of it is done out of sheer terror.

I still have a tendency to be unmotivated, too. My therapist says he has seen it in quite a few bright people. When everything comes easy, you don't feel the need to do anything at all, I guess.

I am terrible at maths myself. It does beg the question, though -- why would you decide to be a doctor if you dislike both maths and most sciences?

This suggests to me that maybe maths just isn't your thing.
A dear friend of mine wanted terribly to be a professor of maths and natural sciences, but the problem was he is absolutely terrible at both those things! Now he's doing his PhD in the philosophy of science and he adores it.

Oh lord, how many majors did I have before I settled. Let's see. I went in to uni wanting to study modern languages. Then I realised that it's stupid to study modern languages when (like me) you're already fluent in four. So I studied to pass the national Greek Language exams and went in for international relations. I hated every second of it, so I switched to philosophy. When I didn't like that so much, so I went to art history and then classical history and then plain classics. There was a spell of archaeology in there somewhere, I dug **** up for a while and everything. Translated graffiti of pot sherds, stupid crap like that. Then I went back to philosophy -- but only classical philosophy. And all that in three years! Lord, I don't know how I ever managed it.

Then I got a degree and realised that there is absolutely nobody in the ENTIRE WORLD who wants to employ somebody with a BA in classical philosophy :P I worked for a while as a translator/interpreter . . . then I went nuts, and then I went to law school.

Point of all this being, you're young. You'll sort something you like in time. The great thing about US universities (and I assume you're in the US here) is that you have the general requirements, so you can play around a bit with what you study in the first two years. We don't have that in Europe.

I want to be an academic, actually -- it's just that first I need money.
I'm becoming the kind of lawyer that talks and argues because I abhor paperwork even more. Also, we get to wear wigs and gowns every day we're in court -- which means I never have to do my hair or fix my clothes up before work.

A.S. Those arent my quotes.

yea its legal when police are involved and you make a public disturbance
amongst other stuff.

Oh my, that's a terrible spell of luck! If you were so ill, that might also explain why the maths and sciences coursework was so tough for you.

I was diagnosed with coeliac disease a while back. When I cut wheat/gluten out of my diet, my mental clarity improved like nobody's business. I don't imagine it would have that effect for everybody, but it was nearly miraculous. In Chinese medicine, they say that your gut is like a second brain; medical science is starting to catch up on that, documenting incredible numbers of neurotransmitters in the digestive system and such.

Randomly poking my nose in to say I have always struggled to be able to handle school. However, I don't let that stop me from independently learning about things that interest me. Won't result in a degree or anything, but still results in knowledge.

Sorry hun, I fixed it.

lol... You annoying people!

TL;DR. I'll work on that later when I have more patience &/or compassion... I've been having a difficult time constraining my inner jackass today, so I'll have to be forgiven.

I often have a great deal of assorted delusions. But I'm always within the strange blurred line between reality & my psychosis. I am in half realization that it is fallacious, but I cannot help but be consumed within it anyway... I suppose I'm abnormal in that respect. Or maybe just mild. Perhaps my fascination with philosophy/reality-testing before my issues became "active" have protected me in that way. Not being entirely consumed with the concreteness of anything, because everything is subjective to an extent.

*shrug* Just find what works for you. If you need to talk to someone & get diagnosed officially, do it. Save yourself some of the effort... It's never going to be easy, but at least you won't run the risk of having it destroy your life if you are self-realized & less confused on the whole ordeal! : )

Weird you say this, I've always thought the same thing about myself. Especially the part in bold.

That's uncanny!! But, I mean, it makes sense. The transition to unreality is easier if you already have one foot in... At least on a theoretical level. I started reading Plato, Descartes, & Bertrand Russell at around 12. Lol. Weird ****.

Lol, I read Charles Dickens (Great Expectations) when I was 7? 8? That was bloody weird. I think the book may have been bigger than I was.
Then I had a Machiavelli and Marquis de Sade obsession around 11 . . . so wholly inappropriate it astounds me my mother let me near those books . . . she probably didn't know what they were
Now the only philosopher I'll tolerate is Hume. So bloody sensible, him.

Oh De Sade... I still have a pretty solid collection of his works.
And 'the Prince' remains one of my impromptu bibles. For understandable reasons...

Dickens bored me for some reason & I've always gad a hard time focusing on fictional books. My brain sometimes shuts off my comprehension if things aren't somehow linear. Narration trips me up.

****, I haven't read philosophy in ages! Save for my Aleister Crowley research. Mainly I stick to my science ********. Science is just as much philosophy, especially when you get to theoretical physics & quantum mechanics.

Hehe. I can't handle Sade any longer. I'm keen on Hobbes a bit, though . . . and Hegel for being a complete mind****er.

Dickens is bloody boring. I think I picked the book when I was a kid because it was the smartest-looking thing I could find in the elementary school library. The rest was all Babysitter's Club stuff.
Now I like, live in his world. Seriously yo, I'm a (land-type!!) lawyer in London! We go down the pub after work, and it's the pub he used to drink in. They've got one of their old insurance policies framed from well over 100 years ago, and he's signed it. The Curiosity Shop from one of his other books was on the campus of my old university. But I find his books soooooo damned boring, they do my head in.

I just wrote a jurisprudence exam so I fully intend not to read philosophy for ages!! I like that theoretical physics stuff too. I also like theory of maths, but not actual maths. I've been reading a lot of Stephen Hawking **** lately. I met him once though and he was kind of a jerk, so it put me off reading his stuff for a long time.
I like popular history. I've been reading a lot of Bill Bryson. And I need to get money so I can order a bunch of French books from amazon.fr; I loooove contemporary French fiction.