Roll Call Take Two

Here. Happy Canada Day!

It's a smiling a maple leaf!

Here and tired. Didn't sleep enough. And worried about my son who seems to be retreating into his own mind. He's also not eating anything except chocolate chip cookies.

I'm sorry your son isn't doing well. All-chocolate-chip-cookies diet sounds very nice, though.

It's hard to know what's going on, because he's not communicating much. Mostly just sitting and staring.

I'm sorry cos.
I'm here. Okay day. Pretty stressed about trying to sleep tonight. Oh well.

Everyone in our family is so disabled. Oh when can she drive again, without the brother who argues every step of the way. Its just like hair of my stupidity. Oh my God!!! Artist away! I read another article that has a death effect. Another one laser pointed at my brainless head. Its echoing! Another thing that says I shouldn't do art as a so called "career." It is nothing more than a hobby at most. Blackness. Darkness. Confusedness. Mom has always been susceptible to realism, aka infections and illnesses. My brother is very much like myself, no job. What happens when the parents die????? Hm? I am increasing my fat because of my corpulence. Massive weight. I don't even eat much. My fattening poi. Simple tasks you ask? Can't figure it out. Its because I am a nescient person, lacking something that I can't possibly say. I am an ignoramus, unintelligent, unaware of brainpower. Oh, where am I? Who am I? I know I pretty much say the same thing (because of brainlessness) everyday but it keeps on going on obsessively in my head. Well, everything isn't proven anyways. Literally in my head. Psychogenic. That is the medical term for "in your head." In case you don't know. My brother failed (a word I am an expert in... unlike "success") to get SSI and now we are going through a lawyer because of it. You all know the "success" rate for that? 10% so 90% FAIL. Then I will have to take care of him that is if I still have my SSI by then. Disability. Literally the most disabled family in the world. Why I say that? I don't think there is another family that has 4/4 people disabled. I am FireBird, the master of stupidity. Realism for the win! Optimists like my brother, locked away in his unaware state, are delusional. I know that my posts are overly dark, but that is how I see this whatever planet this is. Ack! That means a response to loud noise, some people think its related to "acknowledge" which I guess is true since I am acknowledging the loud noise that suddenly scares me and screaming. Oh well. Screaming around. Piercing through my ears, shattering my eardrums. Guess that is it for FireBird News Network for whatever this date is!

Here and doing well. I'm taking the day off work.

I asked my son to lower his dosage a week or so ago because he was so depressed and unmotivated. It's been a mixed bag - for example he didn't sleep at all last night. But on the up side he actually lauged this morning. A genuine laugh. I haven't heard him actually laugh in months. I don't know how long it's been.

Oh, btw, I did get paid this morning. Yay! But the water leak seems to be outside of my house, so it'll involve digging up the line - which will be way more expensive. Boo!

I have cried whilst out in public five times in the past two days. I think it's time to accept that my life is on permanent hold until I get my virginity back, and stop trying to fight it. Fighting it just makes me miserable.

Hmmm... Not sure I agree. Can you define "getting your virginity back"? If you meet that standard and you still feel damaged, will you accept that getting your virginity back isn't the problem or will you move the goal post and define a new standard for what it means to get your virginity back?

I don't think you understand.

So now I have a head tic from my antipsychotic. Great. When I'm not paying attention to it it happens, but then when I become aware of it I'm able to stop it. I had noticed it a few weeks ago but ignored it. But yesterday while we were eating dinner and a friend was telling a story and then looks at me and says, "No?" and asks me why I was shaking my head "no". I then motion that I didn't mean to say "no" and could she please continue. So now I can't ignore it and don't know what this means concerning my medication regimen. And to think I was going ask to add on another antipsychotic for sleep.

This sucks.

Have therapy appt today. Kinda just want to call and cancel and load up on pills and puke and sleep and crash. I miss not having a child and having that option. Alas, therapy here I come in 1.5 hours.

You're right. I don't understand. I do know there are people who spend their whole lives trying to fix some preceived flaw in themselves, and they're actually focused on the wrong issue. I'm worried that's what you're going to do.

Nope, I'm going to get my virginity back and then go be a kickass barrister. And it's not MY flaw, it's . . . I don't have a word. A defect that was forced on me, like somebody dinged my car and I'm trying to get it fixed but their insurance is being annoying.

Ok, good luck then!

I get my call in exactly ten days, which means that my results will be posted tomorrow morning, but I'm freaking out about looking.

Happy America Day to all USians here!

I feel like the town crier (pun intended).

Thank you very much for the well wishes! Although I must say I hate Independence Day. The fireworks drive the dogs and me nuts! As an added bonus, I awoke yesterday morning to the air conditioner not running. So it's currently 104 outside, and 93 inside my home. I keep feeding the pets ice cubes and dunking my head under cold water. It's disturbing how quickly my hair dries in the heat.

Oh my, that heat sounds awful! I hope your air/con can be fixed soon.
I agree about the fireworks. Do you actually call it Independence Day? I've *always* said "America Day" but I've been informed that's incorrect. I had a hard time finding any graphics that we're epic eagles with weird Bible quotes on them, too!

The technically correct term is Independence Day, but most people just call it the 4th of July.
Just got my AC fixed! Yay!!! It even cost way less than I had feared!! Yay!!

Mom is slowly getting better but I am not sure. The inauspicious luck continues, however because our BBQ grill is failing and my computer even after getting a motherboard is still freezing. My computer is a crashing machine. Since I have gotten it, it has been unpropitious (bad luck, unsuccessful if you don't know). I probably have mentioned it before but when I first got my error machine, it was freezing constantly, then the sound went out and we had to get a sound card, then the monitor is slowly (my brother is slow) failing like a starving artist on the streets, then my motherboard went bad, and now freezing again. Is it ever going to work? That is the question of the day. World Peace!!! Reality check! I am a hyper-realist, meaning I am so in touch with reality that it breaks in half!! Hyper-insightful. I am absolutely terrified of next year because dad might retire in penury. Then moving to a dump, in a dangerous area full of crazed criminals. Rapists. Murderers. Drug dealers. Mom will need ANOTHER surgery next year with the fear of infections of realness. I believe mom has brain damage from all the high fevers she has endured. The fevers were as high as 106. Her speech patterns are highly distractible. Also thought blocking, although this is a sign of schizophrenia I believe she has lesions or other sorts of damage from the high fevers. Also forgetfulness. Before the high fevers she never had any of there symptoms. and with her things are absolutely proven without a doubt. With me its questionable and unbelievable. This means they suspect either malingering or factitious disorder. I am NOT a liar. Not mendacious. Mendacious people have a special place in hell. So, that is all for FireBird News Network for this particular date... whatever that is.

J'y suis. I have, in an incredible feat of logic only achievable by somebody with the most grievous schizophrenia, paid an eye-wattering sum of money for a haircut in anticipation of my call -- this despite having to wear a bloody powdered wig. Go me.

YAY for AIR/CON!
Honestly, I kind of like "America Day". It falls very nicely off the tongue.