Roll Call Four

My son's job starts tomorrow. He's really anxious and obsessing about all kinds of negative things - bad memories and stuff.

I'm ready to quit my job in England because I ****ing hate the people I work with, except for maybe one or two. I keep getting blamed for their incompetence.

I'm home today with the flu. I could barely sleep last night, because my sinuses stopped up when I lay down. Ugh!

My son went off to his job this morning. He looked good. I hope it goes well. He didn't sleep well last night either - because he's so stressed about this job. I really, really, really hope he succeeds this time.

Btw, he talked to the pdoc about some kind of medication to use PRN to help with the anxiety at work. The pdoc said that something like Xanax would be a bad idea while he was being trained (first 3 weeks or so). He suggested Ritalin during the training weeks! I was surprised. I thought it might contribute to psychosis. My son turned the Ritalin down. I wish he'd taken it - just to see if it would help while he was being trained.

He just texted me that he's on his first break at work.

He had a little trouble with getting there, but he left early enough that he wasn't late. He has a really bad sense of direction, so we took three dry runs this weekend, so he'd know the route. Getting onto the turnpike is a challenge, because it has one of those cloverleaf type things. So if you want to go east you have to turn to the west. Very confusing for my son who has serious spacial challenges.

I'm glad your son doesn't seem to be doing too bad!! But I hope that sinus infection goes away.

Well... First psychiatrist visit. She was the first to suggest that I see a neurologist & gave me a paper to take to my primary physician so that they place it high on the level of importance.

But she gave me meds. And I'm nervous. I don't know whether to take it, I don't know if the pros outweigh the cons. I just don't know. Ideally, I'd like to be able to stop lashing out & feeling paranoid & prevent my psychosis from going as far downhill as it was just a few months ago. But I'm really, really nervous. I've never wanted meds. I never thought I needed them. Do I? It's making me so stressed out & confused. I posted over in the Bipolar forum about the med I've been given to see how they've responded to it.

**** **** ****************************.

That's a hopeful sign!

Yeah, it is! I just can't stop freaking out. Over-analyzing. I don't know why I expected some pat on the back, that I was coping so well & they'd sign me a clean bill of mental health or something. Jesus, I need to relax. But it's difficult.

I'll give you a pat on the back for coping so well, Shay.

Sorry, I don't have the credentials to sign you a clean bill of health, but I think you're doing terrific under the circumstances.

Don't be afraid to accept help.

I'm still so sick.

It's day two of my son's job.

Thank you, Costello! I really hope you feel better soon. Are you taking anything for the sinuses? Mucinex was a life-saver last time I was sick.

[Repost]
Yeeeeeeeeeeeah, I'm not taking them. And it's not out of being stubborn... I think the psychiatrist is retarded.
She's so worried about the fact I might have epilepsy? Every single drug interacts in a way that could cause seizures if I don't already have them! And worse ones -- absence or grand mal. And I already have that I take Tramadol for pain on my chart, which would also interact with all of the above drugs...
I am going to risk the Ambien though, because I can't risk going sleepless at the very least. Sleeplessness = mania & psychosis getting worse. The benefits actually outweigh the risks on that note.

But seriously! The interactions are ridiculous, as I looked more into it to make an informed decision for my health.
Ambien & Tramadol, Ambien & Risperdal, Risperdal & Tramadol, Lithium & Tramadol all would probably cause seizures even if I didn't have them already. Lithium & Risperdal together bring an increased risk of Malignant Neuroleptic Syndrome. Lithium & Ambien as well as Risperdal & Ambien could give me breathing problems or dangerously low blood pressure because they repress the respiratory & nervous system. And Risperdal & Ambien could make me sleepwalk, which I'm not comfortable with because I could seriously hurt myself.

So... I'll reconsider medication after I talk to the psychotherapist on December 31st. Actually talk face to face with someone about how I'm REALLY doing. Not just my symptoms. And someone who will act more concerned that all of my medications could cause dangerous interactions. Hahahaha I love when my gut feelings are correct.

Ok, maybe this is TMI, but ... I used to love Mucinex. Then about a year ago I was taking it, and I started having a problem. I'd sneeze, and a little pee would leak out. But once it started, it wouldn't stop! I'd have to run to the toilet dribbling the whole way! Of course, when you're my age, your first thought is that you've graduated to the adult diaper phase. Then something made me suspect the Mucinex. Sure enough it's a side effect. No thanks. (Although I have to admit I woke up at 4:30 this morning so congested I was desperably trying to find what was left over of the last bottle. I must have thrown it away.)

I did limp down to the store today and bought some cold medicine. The kind that knocks you out at night. Hopefully I'll sleep tonight and wake up well.

When are you seeing the neurologist? I know you've been struggling recently, but maybe you can just hold out until you find out what the neurologist can tell you?

Take care.

I'm kind of worried. My medication is going to run out before I am able to see the doctor and the nurse again. Hopefully I can rough it out for a few days. This is do to my own carelessness. I passed out sleeping and miss my appointment.

Can they give you a sample to tide you over?

YIKES! Well, I'm glad that you're not taking that then.

Well, first I have to head over some morning this week to the insurance office to change my primary doctor... She evidently doesn't have a good reputation & I absolutely hate that I have to be out of the house between 7am & 9am to go over to the office JUST TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. So once I do that, I'll make an appointment by phone & then I'll see where it goes from there. I have two forms from people at the mental health clinic. One for them to give me blood work & one requesting a referral to a neurologist. I don't think the process will take that long... Hopefully the ambien will get me to bed faster so I can wake up to make all these appointments! Ugh. I hate that the rest of the world insists upon doing everything so early.

My son's the same way. If he has a bad night, he likes to have the option of sleeping in. Hope the Ambien helps you.

The medication I already get are samples. I get them for free.

Ah. So they can't give them to you sooner?

Yeah... I'm kind of stuck at the moment.

Well, I hope you'll be okay missing a few days.

i was in the hospital...........

Are you OK?

yes............i am........went looney

Glad you are out

I feel better today. Not great but functional. I think I'll try going to work.

Day three for my son's new job. He said they gave them a quiz yesterday, and he was confused. He said everyone else finished and left, and he was still working. I hope he succeeds at this job. I'm going to stop by his pdoc's office and pick up that Ritalin presciption today. I don't know if it will help, but maybe it's worth a try?

I would leave it another day.

I hope the job goes ok - I don't know, maybe he could try it for a little while and see if it helps any.