Roll Call Four

feeling pretty good and blessed after the first holiday, wishing all a Happy New Year. Stressed out and sick before hand though, none of this an unusual pattern for me. Should be used to it by now. Prob some of you have had similar experiences! Take care!

How are you doing today, OoT?

I don't think it's paranoia to worry about what people will do with personal info. Even if they treat it disrespectfully - gossiping or joking about it outside of your earshot, for example - it's a violation IMO. Even if you never know. We're all a little vulnerable when we share our most private stuff with others.

Well, I hurt myself last night but bounced back this morning. Refuse to let one bad day knock me off the path of recovery. Today has been much better. Thanks for asking, costello. Hope all is well for you.

I'm sorry you hurt yourself, but it sounds like you have a great attitude today. There are definitely setbacks and pitfalls on the road to recovery.

I'm doing great today. It's snowing here. I don't have to go to work, so normally I'd just stay home. (I hate driving in the snow.) But I'd already decided I was going to go to town to swim. So I went, and it was great.

I bought some champagne to toast the new year tonight. Normally I buy some of that sparkling grape juice, but this year I decided to get the real stuff. I'm a teetotaler, so I always feel out of place in a liquor store. I asked my sister's advice, and she told me what to get.

Both working out and drinking are not things I normally do. And I always feel like when I walk into a liquor store or a gym (or a pool) that it's written all over me that I don't belong there. So I guess I was out my comfort zone twice today.

Maybe 2013 will be a year of taking risks for me. I need a different job. Maybe 2013 is the year I should push myself out there and try for something that's more satisfying for me.

Oh, no, wait! I drove in the snow today too. So that's three times out of my comfort zone in one day.

I hope this doesn't sound terrible but "Hooray" for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone! Would you do it again if you had to? Or should I ask, do you want to? We can leave out driving in the snow, though. Unless it's a snow mobile which actually is a lot of fun!

Feel like I'm going to explode or maybe implode (I can't decide) as there's suppose to be several people coming over for New Year's. I am soooooooo out of my isolation comfort zone it ain't funny! Perhaps I should have listened to T and waited till AFTER the holidays to lower my meds. My thinking was I'll compromise and only go down 10 mg. I mean, what harm could there be? I had no idea to what extent I had been numb all this time till now. Now I'd give anything to be numb for tonight because I'm not liking this stress.

I keep telling myself, "It will all be over at midnight. It will all be over at midnight..."

Here goes nuthin'. They're calling me to come out of my room. To battle I go! Onward! (really, I'm shaking in my shoes).

Hooray, indeed! It's something we all should do regularly. Sometimes I worry that I've become too comfortable. Then I remember I've had to learn to deal with my sons' issues. Maybe not so comfortable after all.

Sometimes I have to drive in the snow. Luckily I have a job that understands if I can't make it in. But sometimes it starts snowing after I get to work, and I have to get home.

The swimming thing I took up in January. I spent years wanting to go swimming but waiting until I lost some weight. Finally I realized I wasn't going to lose that weight. So I asked my mom to buy me swimming lessons for Christmas. I'm telling you, I was so nervous that night of the first lessons - not because of the water or anything but because I didn't want to be seen in a swimming suit. If it weren't for the fact it was a gift, I would have chickened out!

I'm glad I went. I really enjoy swimming - although I still feel like I don't belong. I went swimming on Wednesday. All the lanes were full. One woman noticed I was waiting for a lane and offered to share hers. I thanked her, then actually apologized because I'm not a very good swimmer!

Oh, well, at least I'm there. And I enjoy it.

Have fun, cyber!

Do you have something you can use at needed?

This is why I really think it's better for my son to keep his dose low enough that he's not completely numbed out. He needs to have some emotions to wrestle with. He can't learn emotion regulation or emotion management skills if he's not feeling any emotion.

I have benzo's to take for anxiety to be used as needed but I didn't take anything as I would be in bed before the ball dropped as they make me want to sleep but they really are great for reducing anxiety.

My moods can be extreme as I also have a mood disorder in addition to psychosis (schizoaffective; bipolar type). I agree with you in that it's not the healthiest way for emotion management skills. I've learned since my recent blowup that I need to learn how to not hold things in then blow. It's like the old pressure cooker's used back in the day that was a pot with a lid that had a valve that let off bits of steam from whatever was cooking in the pot. I need to become that valve and and release small amounts of steam and not have it build up to where I go off. I'm a stuffer. I keep forging on ignoring issues until one day something so innocuous becomes the trigger and all those issues come spilling out. I think the key to all this is acknowledging the stressor in the first place then learning how to communicate effectively to resolve that stressor. When I blew up on my ex housemate I didn't ask her calmly if she was going to get a gun, I outright accused her that she already had it in her head to get a gun by the mere fact she was just looking at pics of them on the internet, which I found out later to be far from the truth.

I think when mental illness is involved that consists of paranoia where the world is somehow out to get you/harm you every day situations can be easily misconstrued in that light. And then for me you add a raging temper as well as irritability and sometimes aggression (can be typical of a mood disorder) it's the perfect storm for things to get out of hand. I see all these components in hindsight in the aftermath but am completely blind to them as they are occurring. There are no stop gap measures in place other than my (at the time) somewhat rational mind to prevent things from totally getting out of hand. Being medicated to me is being able to not have to deal with mood swings as well as psychosis.

I want to help people on here and not be selfish, but everyone is older than me and they talk about real life stuff. Just... things that I don't know.

How am I suppose to know what to say to offer help?

My mom is saying that I'm condescending and full of myself, not caring for others.

But that stupid ***** is just talking out of her ***.

I want to donate blood, she ****ing says "no".

I want to help pack food for starving children she says, "I don't have time to be taking you everywhere, Mikaela."

I'm actually volunteering myself to go to Hell instead of Heaven when I die for community service. I need to be tortured and put to work. I don't care if I'm already a slave to my Demons already, I might as well be a slave to Satan (the great fallen angel).

Michael said that Hell only teaches you Sin as you get there, but I'm already sinful. I might as well belong there.

My son stuffs his feelings down too, cyber. It's little scary from my point of view, because I don't always know that's what he's doing - so I can't remind him not to.

Your problems are just as valid as everyone else's, KrasnoiZvezdy. Sorry your mom won't drive you to give blood or help hungry children. I can understand that she might not have time, but she should acknowledge that your impulse to help others is good.

I'm sorry I've been missing today. I'm extremely ill with a stomach flu. Unable to eat and everything I drink goes right through me. I was getting so dehydrated, I finally texted my sister to bring me some electrolyte water. It seems to have helped, but I'm still very dehydrated, and I slept most of the day. Ugh! I hope I can sleep tonight. I was supposed to go back to work tomorrow. I hope I'm better in the morning. I still feel awful - chills and muscle aches.

Hope you're feeling better real soon, costello. It's good that you're replenishing your electrolytes. Have you tried just having broth, like chicken broth? That would also help with your electrolytes if you could keep it down.

I would just stay in bed till the morning and see how you feel then on whether or not you should go to work. But being that it would be a day after a holiday you probably would have to get a doctor's note. And if so, I'd also ask the doc for a script for an anti-nausea medication if you still find yourself unable to eat. Sleep well and feel better.

Glad you are here too! would like to encourage you.... some times it seems others even Dr.s jut dont understand we just need to talk it out when It gets so bad... Hold on it will get better...

When you can't get someone off your mind...Pray for them. You may be the only who cares enough too.

This is my New Year....To pray for my enemies and all those who persecute me...

Thanks. I'm worried that I won't be able to hold it down. I'm just taking little sips of water.

I'm still having such chills and muscle aches. I think I'm going to try some Nyquil and see if I can knock myself out.

My employer doesn't care about doctor's notes. If I'm sick tomorrow, I'll call in. I just would rather not be sick.

feel better everyone

Aww thanks for this. You're right, sometimes we just need to get it all out and get a bit of support. I appreciate how nice everyone here has been.

(((costello))) I hope you feel better soon. Being sick sucks.

I called in sick. Not as bad as yesterday but still not well.

Feel better. Maybe try some soup later.

I will...

im having some issues..

i dont understand why NO ONE is replying to my ****ing posts.