[Eleora]

Lately I have had some problems with hearing the noise in my head. Whatever, that I can handle. It's harder to function but I can still work through it with some effort.

The thing thats bothering me is the fact I can't think. I have always been a very logical person, and very analytical, but lately it's just so hard. I am thinking things that don't make sense, and the things that should make sense just seem so confusing and wrong. I don't know if this is making sense.

What's worse is that I can't communicate any of this for some reason. It's hard to find words that fit this feeling...even typing this it just doesn't sound right. I feel like words, and sentences and language just aren't enough to explain this feeling. I don't know if anything really could explain this.

I guess my paranoia has been setting in lately too. Going outside is getting difficult because I think I am being watched, and just sitting in my house I have to close windows/blinds to feel a little bit better. I am just so uncomfortable in my body and mind right now.

I guess I just needed to rant. Or maybe to try and explain. I don't know.

[January]

Girl, have you thought about checking with your pdoc to see if you need a medication check? That might be the problem.

Your writing seemed clear and concise. Your communication skills seem strong.

Hugs,

Jan

[CompGeek]

The fact that you are having trouble with logical stuff and it not making sense to you can be explained by something known as poverty of content. Trouble expressing feelings/emotions with people with schizophrenia is not uncommon. Some severe schizophrenics (usually those with disorganized schizophrenics) will do something known as neologisms, this is taking existing words and putting them together to make a new word with a new meaning. They do this because they have trouble finding words that can actually explain the way that they are feeling. Having deluisons of persecution is also something that is common... though since you have symptoms that are sterotypical of various forms of schizophrenia i would assume that you have undifferentiated schizophrenia. Im sorry that you are feeling so uncomfortable lately... It must be hard to feel that people are always watching you...

I hope you feel better soon,
Jason

[Eleora]

I am diagnosed as schizoaffective... but I am finding I am having way more psychotic symptoms then I am bi-polar symptoms. It's sort of troubling.

My doctor is going to try some of the older antipsychotics now since seroquel and risperdal haven't done the trick.

[tapasia]

I started out diagnosed as sociopath/borderline psychopath. Then for a while I was psychotic. Then there were all the depressive diagnoses. Then came all the schizophrenic variations. Now the going opinion is anxiety-something-or-other with bonus ADHD. I've pretty much quit communicating with people for the same reasons you are talking about - but if I just wait a while, this will get better, for a time. I won't talk about my personal opinions on possible explainations, but I will remind you to be patient and stick it out, and keep talking to the p'docs. And tell them I said to come up with a diagnosis that includes all of them.

[Fire_and_Muffins]

i know exactly what you mean. i listen to other people having conversations some days and think it seems so easy.. like they have no trouble at all.. i always used to be really smart, level-headed, fun-loving, open-minded... i got 90's in school, and i was a really happy and warm person, which is why istarted freaking out so much when my mind went....wherever it went... i couldnt control my thoughts at all for a while, they would just go off on their own tangents about stuff and i could hardly follow them... it never made any sense.. then i started realizing how weird things were getting and i'd get all paranoid and selfconscious because i knew i knew better, and i wasnt stupid, so why couldnt i remember things, or figure things out, or concentrate, or talk like a normal person.. !? and i couldnt even form a sentence that made any logical sense.. i could never explain anything coherant... i always felt strange.. like i was on a totally different plane of existance than everyone else almost.. i know what u mean with the finding it impossible to put it into words.. i have one friend who was feeling almost exactly the same way, and we had a long conversation about it, and we both knew exactly what we were talking about, but i dont know how to make it understandable to other people. that's my biggest problem.. it makes me wonder if what i'm going thru is even real, or if i just think there's something wrong with me, like being a mental hypochondriac or something, and i was making myself crazy because i thought everything i was doing and thinking was crazy.. it was really confusing and overwhealming.. and i thought i could think my way out of it, and control it, because i knew i was a bright person and i should know better than to listen to stupid thoughts like those, constantly second guessing myself and hating myself and feeling like a total outsider.. but its impossible to ignore it and think rationally when your brain is racing in different directions from where i want to go.. so i think i know what you're talking about.. actually, haha i think i just went on a rant about something other than what you were talking about, but i cant read what your post said now so you're stuck with this :P
anywhoo i wouldnt mind chatting with you sometime if you like i dont know if i can offer much support, but i have found ways to manage it about 80% of the time now.. you seem like a really cool girl

well, even tho i havent helped you at all here, i hope you're feeling better.. take care of yourself
and its ok to be different. dont worry about what other people think of you. the only thing i've really learned from this is that your good friends will stay by you and try to help you and be understanding, even if they really dont understand at all :P and if they don't, you've still got everybody here so hang in there.

take care

-kate