One voice-Two Voice no other choice

I dislike the majority about all of this but I believe I was happier when I continually sought contact with other people. And one of the results of my isolation has been to rapidly progress a decline in overall esteem and mental health.

Ironically the only person to see that I hated myself was an attorney I had years ago. He almost went as far as to recommend psychiatric care over the incident.

Despite my self destructive behavior I tend to manage ok for the majority of most days. However things have begun a very rapid decline over the last several months.

I've never had much luck with making connections with people, but I don't think it's ever bothered me this much. Maybe I'm getting old enough to where I realize the gravity of my situation and how much harder it becomes as I age.

Regardless the mail bulk of my concern is on the voices I hear quite frequently regardless of where I'm at or what I'm doing. Most of it is as if my inner thoughts have manifested into auditory hallucinations. Almost always berating me or putting me down. Then a second voice started to chip in and defend me against the initial voice. While this could be viewed as a positive step it makes the chaos in my mind much more frustrating and difficult to ignore.

It's always worst at night, or when I am completely alone. For a while being alone was the only place I was comfortable but now I've lost that. I daydream about being a sociopath because I desperately want to ignore what I believe is a hyper sensitive to my own internal conflict which prevents me from reading the normal signals others put out. Every night I tell myself to get help yet by the time I wake I fell physically exhausted I want nothing to do with anyone. By the time this wears off I've stopped caring again.

I may or may not respond to this, while at the time I'm writing I know I want to this is probably the 5th time I've meant to talk about it and at least the 3rd account I created to this forum. (not intentionally)

Thanks in advance to any who read this for any reason.

Hi butler: Welcome to the forum. I hope you find someone to connect to here.

I can fully relate