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Old Mar 04, 2013, 11:25 AM
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faerie_moon_x faerie_moon_x is offline
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I think I am because of how my husband is responding to me. He is my reality anchor. The delusions are about if I'm doing better? Maybe. I'm not sure. They are about something.

On Friday we got Long John Silver for dinner. They forgot the hush puppies and fries, which is like really important, because there are so many of us (6 people) and so that's a lot of food paid for. And it was rush hour, but I had to drive back.

I was upset, but not like, really upset. And my husband said to me, "Look at you about to explode. You're always so angry now. Look at yourself, you need to calm down." I was surprised. I feel I've been doing a lot better with my anger. I don't know if he's just coloring it with his perception remembering me a few months ago, or if I am having more problems than I realize.

It's frustrating, you know? It's hard.

I was angry last week because my brother in law revealed he isn't really my friend and thinks I'm crap. So, I was angry about that. But, I did use all my force of will not to message him on Facebook or text him to attack him. I felt that was a success. Because that really hurt my feelings.
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  #2  
Old Mar 04, 2013, 11:42 AM
Anonymous37904
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It sounds like you handled the inconvenience of your family's dinner order being messed up extremely well, in my opinion. You even handled the situation on your own to correct it.
Thanks for this!
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  #3  
Old Mar 04, 2013, 11:45 AM
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That's a tough one, dark heart. It must be difficult to not trust your own perceptions of yourself.

As a person who used to have a really bad temper - and doesn't anymore - I can say that, yes, sometimes other people were better at seeing my own anger than I was, and, yes, after I got my anger issues under control, it took a long time for people to trust that I really wasn't angry. Sorry for the really long sentence. Hope it was clear.

As the parent of a son who has a psychiatric label and who becomes explosively angry sometimes (or at least has in the past, it's actually been a while since he's done that), I understand your husband's anxiety. I scan for signs of anger in my son too. It's stressful for both of us.

I think you're right to examine your husband's feedback. But if you feel like you genuinely weren't as angry as he thinks you were, maybe the two of you need to have an honest talk. My son has told me that he feels pressured to act 'normal' so he won't be perceived as being 'crazy.' This includes trying to keep from expressing too much anger - which is frankly counterproductive because suppressing it isn't any better than acting out.
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  #4  
Old Mar 04, 2013, 11:47 AM
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Well, but I think I didn't blow up because my husband pointed out to me that I was getting really angry.

I'm the only one in my family that drives. So anything that we need to drive to go get, I have to go. I always am the one handling the situation and I'm usually going by myself. Even if my husband is there, he makes me handle it. I think he has some major social anxiety or something. He doesn't leave the house very often. He goes to pick up our son from school every day (it's close so they can walk,) but that's usually all. Sometimes he goes to the store with me, but he doesn't like being out long. Sometimes he goes with me but just sits in the car. Sometimes he gets extremely aggitated, which causes him to get angry.
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Old Mar 04, 2013, 11:58 AM
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I think there's a good chance his perception was wrong. He may have been a little angry about the situation himself and attributed his own anger to you.

IMO the situation you describe is incredibly frustrating. It's the kind of thing that makes me mad too - especially if the place doesn't apologize. And they usually don't.
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  #6  
Old Mar 04, 2013, 12:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by costello View Post
That's a tough one, dark heart. It must be difficult to not trust your own perceptions of yourself.

As a person who used to have a really bad temper - and doesn't anymore - I can say that, yes, sometimes other people were better at seeing my own anger than I was, and, yes, after I got my anger issues under control, it took a long time for people to trust that I really wasn't angry. Sorry for the really long sentence. Hope it was clear.

As the parent of a son who has a psychiatric label and who becomes explosively angry sometimes (or at least has in the past, it's actually been a while since he's done that), I understand your husband's anxiety. I scan for signs of anger in my son too. It's stressful for both of us.

I think you're right to examine your husband's feedback. But if you feel like you genuinely weren't as angry as he thinks you were, maybe the two of you need to have an honest talk. My son has told me that he feels pressured to act 'normal' so he won't be perceived as being 'crazy.' This includes trying to keep from expressing too much anger - which is frankly counterproductive because suppressing it isn't any better than acting out.
I am the oposite. I used to be extremely mellow. I don't know if it was a response to the bullying, like "play dead." I never would defend myself or anything.

Ever since the bad time in the fall of 2011, I started having this explosive rage. I can't seem to control my triggers any more. The bad time was extremely traumatizing, I think. I still get panic attacks, which manifest as anger somestimes. But, they are a lot better and less often.
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Old Mar 04, 2013, 12:11 PM
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Originally Posted by dark_heart_x View Post
I am the oposite. I used to be extremely mellow. I don't know if it was a response to the bullying, like "play dead." I never would defend myself or anything.
My youngest sister and my son are/were like this. Especially my sister. I had no idea how angry she was. On the surface she'd be calm, placid, detached looking. Inside she was angry.

My son does have rages sometimes, but usually he suppresses anger too.

Quote:
Ever since the bad time in the fall of 2011, I started having this explosive rage. I can't seem to control my triggers any more. The bad time was extremely traumatizing, I think. I still get panic attacks, which manifest as anger somestimes. But, they are a lot better and less often.
I'm sorry.
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"Hear me, my Chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever."--Chief Joseph
Thanks for this!
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  #8  
Old Mar 04, 2013, 12:14 PM
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faerie_moon_x faerie_moon_x is offline
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Yesterday me and my 6 year old and baby were playing tickle attack on the bed. The baby's first word is "tickle" so, it's pretty cute. ThenI went to get lunch and I caught a glimpse of myself in the window of the car... My hair was standing up all over the place. I really did look like a crazy lady.

I get worried, too, that I just look like a "crazy" person. I understand what your son means when he says he tries to act normal. I've been doing that my whole life. Even as a kid I felt like I didn't belong anywhere.
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Old Mar 04, 2013, 12:22 PM
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Originally Posted by dark_heart_x View Post
Yesterday me and my 6 year old and baby were playing tickle attack on the bed. The baby's first word is "tickle" so, it's pretty cute. ThenI went to get lunch and I caught a glimpse of myself in the window of the car... My hair was standing up all over the place. I really did look like a crazy lady.
You looked like a beautiful mom who was playing tickle attack with your kids before going to get them something to eat.

Quote:
I get worried, too, that I just look like a "crazy" person. I understand what your son means when he says he tries to act normal. I've been doing that my whole life. Even as a kid I felt like I didn't belong anywhere.
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"Hear me, my Chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever."--Chief Joseph
Thanks for this!
faerie_moon_x
  #10  
Old Mar 04, 2013, 12:50 PM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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Originally Posted by costello View Post
I think there's a good chance his perception was wrong. He may have been a little angry about the situation himself and attributed his own anger to you.
I agree with this^^^^^

Also I'd just like to add, if you had no clue how angry you were, you would have exploded anyway. Instead you kept your anger in check.
Regardless of wether or not hubby pointed out your anger, you were aware enough to reel it in.

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