[FireBird]

On April 2nd, I had to be rushed to the psych ward by ambulance. I was psychotic and hearing voices, so I took an overdose to quiet the voices down and calm myself. It didn't go so hot (of course). After I took the pills I couldn't walk, couldn't remember (everyone told me afterwards {cops were at my house and I don't remember being unable to walk}) didn't know how to use a bathroom, and other things. Luckily it wasn't strong enough to kill me or having the stomach pumped.

After I got out of the overdosing symptoms, the hospital itself had a lot of friendly people to talk to and get through the tough times. Went psychotic several times in there, as they say. I didn't sleep well for 1 of the 2 weeks I was there. Most patients were not that severe, except a few.

I never stayed at a hospital for 2 weeks though (except this time of course but never before), the longest I stayed at a psych ward was only a week. I got out of the hospital on April 15th, the day of the bombings. At times the voices at the hospital were loud and heard other people talking about me. Plotting against me. Saying horrible things about my intelligence or weight, saying that I should die. But at the same time I had insight because otherwise I would be talking to these people. I go to this hospital instead of the other BHR (my local Behavioral Health Resources) because BHR is for much more severe patients, yes I have been there once. It was horrible and the other patients were scary. Sorry if I offended anyone but they yelled at staff and things like that.

I am progressively getting worse. Each year I get more voices. Each year the "delusions" get worse. I put it in quotes because I believe my beliefs and don't like calling them delusions.

While I was in the hospital my dad dislocated his hip a second time, causing more stress. Then after I got home more stress because yesterday my mom had to be rushed to the hospital for a dangerous infection. Right now I have no parents at home, but I have my brother. My doctor was very nice and believed me for the first time. I had a different doctor. The only thing about this doctor that I didn't like was he kept extending my stay longer. I was desperate to get out of there because they had no connection to the outside world. I am someone who likes knowing all the news that goes on in the world. It was hard so I kept on annoying the staff about the news.

If the doctor has seen my journal he would have sent me to a state hospital for months or years. its not that I hide things because that would be wrong but I do tell the most important things for treatment.

There I got a different diagnosis, Bipolar 1 with psychotic features and schizotypal personality disorder. My GAF was 30. But my current psychiatrist said that I'm schizoaffective disorder bipolar type.

Thank God for the friends that I talked to at the hospital and I will always remember them and they gave me their numbers anyways. So now I have lots of friends and mentally interesting people get along with me better than the so called "normal" people. So I am under a great deal of stress right now since all the surgeries. I am scared I am going to lose my mom, right now my dad is doing fine as he can.

[Ash0198]

i'm glad ur hospital experience was a good one....its always nice making new and interesting friends hah.
im very sorry to hear your under a lot of stress with ur family and having to deal with ur own symptoms on top of that...im hoping for you that everything will soon become clear and the stress becomes bearable. one thing my T always says to me when im having a tough time is to take it one day at a time and reward yourself for getting through that day...easier said then done but its something to go by i guess

hope things get better for u firebird

[newtus]

sorry to hear too.

each year gets worse for me too.

glad you made friends though.

[costello]

Glad you're ok, FireBird. I'm also glad you made some new friends.

[KUREHA]

Hope the hospital helped a bit.

I hope your parents will be ok as well

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm glad you're back. That's pretty scary. At least you had a good experience at the hospital.

I'm very sorry about your mom being sick now. I know how scary that is. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

[a bland]

im glad ur out of the hospital now. i know eveytime i go in the psych ward time goes by so slow. and im sorry to hear that about ur family. i hope all is well soon.

[FireBird]

Thank you for responding. The best part of the visit was the friends. The worst were the symptoms being so bad. Also the stressors that I am continuing to have. Right now the stressors are overwhelming. I also got on Abilify. 7.5 mg. I am still hearing some voices and it was bad yesterday. I hope today is a better day.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I'm sorry you've been through so much lately. I was in the hospital in March, so I haven't been out for too long either. I can relate to symptoms just getting worse, that's how mine have been too. I hope you feel better today.

Sorry to hear you had to go to the hospital Firebird, and that you're under so much stress Hope the abilify helps. I took it and found it quite good for my voices, unless I was really stressed, then they came back. Hope your parents feel better soon

All the best,

*Willow*