Paranoid beliefs developed as a result of bullying

Sorry to post this if u guys don't mind....
It all began when i was 11, i was the quietest guy in my class, socially anxious, only made 1 or two friends...

i did a few silly things during my time in school like, confessing to a crush, failure to follow certain instruction during a certain physical exercise. From there, i got name-called numerous times, ugly, stupid, coward,
being laughed, pushed around and got into fights.

My behavior turned to the worst, i even started on a plan to vent my frustrations at those people, but of course things doesn't get any better. People already know what i'm up to, and they continue to gossip further.

I endured this for 6 years without seeing a psychiatrist, and in the subsequent years, its gotten worst with a series of incidents happening later on,
this is gonna take few big paragraphs for me to describe,

The most recent incident was a year ago, i was doing project with a schoolmate, and i found out that he was mocking and spread rumours about me because he find something wrong with my quiet and socially anxious behavior, he also thinks i'm offending him even when i'm not. This whole incident resulted in both of us has to be separated because i vandalize his belongings as a form of payback...

Not only that, i n my family hv to deal with whatever nonsensical mockeries & inconsiderate behavior that my **** neighbour put us through. Every hour or two, there will sure be youths walking past by my house, purposely uttering sarcastic words and sounds to annoy us.

I really have this idea that i'm being talked about by many people outside too..
for some reason, when they talk past me, they'll put up a condescending smirk or say out some words, "backstabbed", "ugly", "die" and they'll also purposely make a parody about it as well.
I'm really getting more and more paranoid & offended over things like that, and it's making me depressed for quite some time now.

Thanks for reading such a long post. Really hope to read your replies about this

I am truly sorry you have endured so much bullying. it is not fair, and it makes perfect sense that you feel anger, as well as fear about further bullying.
I am not for certain that this psychosis? But it is fine by me for you to share about it here.
I hope you can look forward to living and attending school or work in better environments in the future. You do not deserve such cruel treatment.
Please take good care of yourself.

As i'm writing all these things, i still kinda feared that the ppl who were gossiping and badmouthing me are checking this post, so i left out specific details.

i also thought this section would be more suitable since i'm diagnosed with schizophrenia during my late teens.
my symptoms are mostly paranoid thoughts about people trying to set me up, laughing and talking bad about me, etc... it all stems back from the past.

but these paranoia never really bother me until i realize that the situation turns out to be mostly true, like when some teens walked past or notice me, they purposely utter some sarcastic words, behave in a weird way to annoy me.

Thanks for the reply Gr3tta, at the moment i'm trying to get over it as best as possible...been taking xanax to cope with the feelings of depress and distress daily.

We had the same experience. I think mine is mostly psychosis but i have to go to a psychiatrist first so i can just feel relieved. I was bullied for 4 years ,stalked for like 2 years, and found on a online forum 2- 3 times in highschool because i posted pictures. Also had friends talk about me behind my back and stuff stolen from my house . So now I'm paranoid no matter what. I to also had people snicker at me all the time. Even when logic dictates it shouldn't happen i'm paranoid. It's like a 50 /50 thing with the convo being about me or not. Sometimes if i hear some words my brain tries to put it in a sentence where it is me. If i'm on like the subway the names get louder. It's always the same phrases to which had me to believe it isn't true but it could be. I then had a snap on a depressent called wellbutrin that caused me to get worse and it's calmed down 80% probably but i still hear things. The thing is it's like 50 /50 and has me ****ed up cause i can't distinguish real from fake. I really just want to live in another state or something

Welcome to the schi/psych forum MoodyZombie! We talk about a wide variety of things here, and I know a lot of us have experienced bullying. I think this is a great place for you to post this.

Yeah, like Gr3tta says, lots of us have been bullied here so it's safe to post. I myself was bullied in both primary and secondary school, and think that that's part of the reason behind my anxiety in social situations and my schizoaffective diagnosis.



*Willow*

I have had similar incidents occur to me too. Unfortunately, it happens to some of us a lot more than others. Hang in there, with proper medication, a good therapist, and a great support system like this site, you can get through this troublesome time in your life.

I believe one of the first things you can attempt to do is stop reacting to the situation. Do not let it get to you. It's difficult at first, but not impossible. Again, medication may help you do this with more ease. Vandalizing a classmate may have been a bit damaging to how some in your school may perceive you, but if you keep to yourself and do not make vandalism or other apprehensive actions part of your routine, but merely do your schoolwork and tolerate those whom speak ill of you, you should be fine.

I was also badly bullied as a teen and I still have a lot of issues concerning thinking people are talking bad about me, don't like me, making fun of me, plotting against me etc etc. I get very paranoid about people pretending to me my friends and then backstabbing me or ditching me later, and making fun of me for all they learned when they were pretending to be my friend.

It's always hard to know what's just in our heads, especially if people have talked about you like that in the past. I think most of the time people are selfish and honestly could care less about the rest of us and aren't really talking about us at all. But that's just been my experience.

I obsessively believe everyone hates me, or is just being nice to me because they feel sorry for how pathetic I am, etc. etc. Everyone things I'm fat, ugly and horrible, they just won't say it. I was made fun of a lot when I was a little kid, and at one point when I was 16, found out that a lot of my friends were making fun of me/insulting me behind my back. I was really depressed at that point in my life, and I guess I came off to them as really withdrawn, rude, and gave off the impression that I thought I was better than them or something. I don't know if I'll ever get that one.

On some level, I realize most of it is irrational, but any time anything even slightly confirms my paranoia, I can't breath, and I feel ill. Then I obsess about it more and more, and start finding 'proof' that probably isn't really even real. Rationally, I can point out everything that's wrong with my thought patterns, but I can't correct it completely. I don't identify as/have never been diagnosed or suspected of anything like schizophrenia, if that matters at all.

For me, this is the worst thing I have to deal with emotionally, or physically. It's comforting in a way, though, to know that other people go through the same thing. I don't know if that helps at all, but you're absolutely not alone, and this is as safe a place as any to talk openly about it.

I have the same problem of thinking everyone hates me.

So, how I deal with it is that I find people who are clearly genuine people. These can be hard to find but as you learn people you learn how to read their reactions. I can say who is genuine and who is not just by how their eyes and faces shift pretty easy. Genuine nice people don't get the "shadows" of distate that roll across their face. People who are fake can't hide that. Plus, people who are fake become uncomfortable in conversation pretty easily, especially when confronted wth someone as random as I can be.

^ Exactly.
The only positivity I can pull out of all of it is my learned ability to identify when someone is being sincere or not, and my low tolerance for being around people that are openly judgemental about those around them. I tend to see this everywhere, unfortunately. Whether it's because I'm over-sensitve to it, or because people really just suck that much, I may never actually figure out.
It means I have very few people I would consider 'close' to me in my life, but the ones who are, I'd trust with my life, and I love them fiercely.

Certainly it's possible to get paranoid traits from being bullied. But I was never bullied and in fact was a bully in school and can say I suffer from extreme paranoia. I don't think there is any one thing that can cause this or that we can attribute it too. Because everyone is different. Many who are bullied never have difficulties with paranoia. Many who never were bullied do. There is no way to predict this or explain it so easily.

Why it happens to some people and not others, I don't think we know for sure.

i was bullied. made fun of for the typical things. race. how i looked. how i acted. i was an extreme loner though too. i wasnt the average kid. by any means. i also had some fallouts there in high school from psychotic episodes.

I was bullied as a kid. Especially in middle school. People would put gum in my hair. They would kick and punch me. Call me names. One time I was sitting at my seat doing some school work. Then this bully kid snuck up on me and jabbed a capped pen directly into my ribs, bruising them. Because I reacted I was suspended not the bully. The hell would last everyday. I was terrified to go to school. Hell happened on the bus as well. Name calling and throwing things at me. Because of all this I would hear voices of the bullies making fun of me. I thought they wanted to kill me. Later on a kid did threaten to kill me and he has done some dangerous stuff before like stabbing a teacher with scissors and throwing a desk down a flight of stairs. I pulled out of school after that happened. I entered a deep depression and had to be hospitalized for the first time. I didn't know what to expect. And now the bullying hasn't stopped. I was cyber-bullied a few years ago and became suicidal because of it. It was across several sites.

wow firebird.

i was hopitalized my first time at 13 for depression from bullying. i was hearing voices from bullying too. but i had heard my name being called over and over before that time. though.