Roll Call Twelve

I just came home and my exotic pet's face has a tumor now. He probably has cancer because before the tumor his face was just a bit puffy and I sadly ran out of funds for any medical care because of my cat. I can't even afford my oral surgery and have to live with the pain for a while. My pet is very exotic and barely any vets specialize in his breed. The nearest vet that could see my pet is in a different state that's over 150 miles away. I can't surrender this animal because he has aggression/domainance issues and is not sold in stores. I didn't mention what my exotic pet is because I'm paranoid about someone reconizing me. I'm trying to stay strong, but life is really tolling on me. Something positive will happen, I just have to keep hoping and trying.

Newtus: Your pdoc is a top notch *****. To tell you to blend your food... wow! Is there any way you can switch to a new pdoc? I know your area there isn't a lot of options. But, really, it's super important to find a pdoc on your side and that works with you. That's true of any doctor. I won't go see a doctor again if I feel they are pushing their agenda on me or don't take me seriously as a human being. I once had an OB with my first son. I saw her one time. I told her I wanted to do natural child birth called the Bradley Method. And she said to me, "That method is for farm animals. You're not a farm animal, are you?" I never went back to her. I found a lovley group of OBs and midwives who treated me with respect instead.

I think pdocs are like all docs. Some of them have that god complex. They think they know it all. I work with a lot of doctors and some are pompus jerks, some are so dumb you wonder how the hell they got through med school and it scares you that they are in charge of people's health, and then there are those that really do care and those the best doctors.

I think the most responsible thing is to make a "doctor interview." Write down a bunch of questions about things that are important to you. Then, before you make an actual appointment, have an "interview" appointment and see how they do. You may not find one that's perfect 100% but you can least find someone who fits you better.

Gr3tta: I'm glad you like your new co-worker. That's good news! I'm glad you like working with the patients. We have a few patients who have dementia. We have one whose husband thinks she just needs to try harder and she'll "get over it." He sends her out driving and everything on her own... When she makes an appointment she usually calls 5-6 times before (forgetting her appointment is made,) and then even after sometimes wondering if she forgot to come. It's really, really heartbreaking to see.

Kureha: That's so cool you got that CD! Pretty awesome.

Medicalfox: I'm sorry about your pet. I hope it's not cancer and something easily treated.

Saw bird drones - well one , don't they have enough surveillance.

I want to cut their throats - straight across 1 slice

I don't feel ok at all, I've took my meds and diazepam and In still anxious about being murdered and now they put thoughts into my head.

Do you have anyone you can call for support? I'm sorry you're having a bad day.

The crisis tean are coming tomorrow.

im trying to lose weight. idk whats causing it specifically. haldol or what. they took me off the risperdal. so thatsgood. i was only on it for 3 days or so tho. so idk if that was the cause. or if long term haldol use is the cause.

im going pass 120 now. im actually really scard to gain weight. so i bought diet pills.

on another side effect news: my hands been trembling slightly

i want off meds so bad that its not even funny anymore.

@medicalfox, I am not medical personnel, I have an administrative support role. And I am so sorry for the affliction of your pet. so sad. So unfair right after your poor cat. I am truly sorry.

Hey everyone. Just dropping on by to say hello!

My psychiatrist called me this evening to talk about what happened yesterday. We ended up discussing it for over an hour. Eventually we sorted it out and determined it was due to miscommunication and my reluctance to get over my misdiagnosis. At first I was hesitant to talk with her, but I decided to bend and listen. I couldn't say no because she made the effort to call, something she did not need to do.

I misunderstand her comment about my depression. I thought she was blaming me and attacking my personality.

Sor far still the same this morning... didn't sleep much... and fitfully... still mind going too fast and feel shook up. Preeety sure I had an epidose last night but not a over bad one I don't think Maybe. But moterate. But feel still off today. no focus still. uhg...

Hey, Erti! Good to see you.

Where is everyone? The quiet is making me paranoid, I'll admit it. I hope you're all okay today.

Fell a little depressed today. The new med Zonegran is a total poo poo. I was taking it at night, but it was activating and I couldn't sleep even with the seroquel. Doctor moved it to the morning, and it makes me tired. Now we're going to probably move it to 3pm and see how that works out. Other than feelin a little depressed all is well.

ibought my christmas presents for my mom sister and my moms boyfriend. i got my mom 2 nailpolishes some starbucks sumatra coffee and a starbuscks travel mug. i got my sister a soft blanket and i got my moms boyfriend a box of chocolates cuz he is a chocoholic. i also bought T a gift . i got him magnetic silly putty because he has a lot of weird cool toys in his office and i thought i would add to the collection.

dill: seems annoying that the med at night is activating and in the day it makes you tired. That would be frustrating. Hopefully you get it sorted out and your depression lifts.

junk: those sound like some good gifts. Magnetic silly putty sounds extra cool. I think I'm going to get my MIL some new pajamas. She loves pajamas adn they have this nice black and pink set at Walmart.

I haven't been posting like I normally do because I am struggling with depression. The last thing I want to do is depress people. I do read through Roll Call everyday so I know what is going on. I am also reluctant to post because I don't want to infringe on other people's conversations.

My despondency seemed to come out of nowhere. Usually I get sad in the winter months and can get through it without much problem. I am not sure why it is really bad this year. All I want to do is sleep and do nothing. My head also feels really weird.

I got two exam deferrals, which is a relief, since I am in no shape to write. I am thinking about taking next semester off. My mother thinks it will make my mood worse, unless I find something to replace class with.

I'm here, I just haven't had much to say. I'm going through a lot as per usual. I've backed off a lot too because my thought disorganization is downright humiliating and you can't edit your posts here after four hours or whatever it is so ugh... figure it's better to just keep to myself.

I know you go through a lot. Don't be embarrassed by your thought disorganization. Actually you say some pretty deep and beautiful things in the midst of it all. I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

Atypical I have to agree with Faerie...a lot of what you type is beautiful despite being considered a symptom.

Wow, thanks guys.

Atypical_Disaster, your writing is really beautiful. Some of your posts have a poetic quality to them and are a joy to read.

Thank you for this. I have a hard time seeing it as poetic but appreciate your kind words none the less.

I know it is frustrating when your mind doesn't work the way you expect it to. But just know that here we don't look down on you for it, AD. we know you go through difficult things and we all do, so no judgement.

In fact, your posts often make me feel better and less alone in what I experience, which I really appreciate since I always feel like the odd one out on most things I have happen to me.

When I asked if I could take my 'emergency' dose of Abilify, my mom told me that 'something worked you into this state, and you'll never get healthy if you don't figure out how to work yourself out'. Uh...sorry mom, psychosis doesn't work that way. Did my hysterical laughing and chopping off my hair in a panic not tip you off?

She wouldn't even let me cut the pill myself when I eventually demanded it. Instead she just wanted me to take xanax. That's better -how-?!