[faerie_moon_x]

I can't funciton at work. I can't focus on any tasks. My mind is such a whirlwind all the time. Even fun things at home. I try to focus on a fun project but I also have 3-4 pages open on my internet, the t.v. going, jumping from one thing to the next because I can't stay on one task for more than 1-2 minutes at a time.

I'm forgetting, struggling with everything from dialing.

Panic attacks, high anxiety, stomach in knots, irritated, aggitated, racing....

I feel like I'm stuck on a treadmil going at top speed and I'm running out of steam.

I don't know what to do... I'm in the storm... I have no one to call on this... can't even focus long enough to go through the list of Ts that the patient assistant program will give me...

I'm hanging on by my fingernails right now. I need a break.

[newtus]

take the break. u deserve it

[faerie_moon_x]

no break for me... crashing down.... thanks for listening.

Thanks, Newtus. You're a good friend.

[Gr3tta]

Is there anything you can get a break from? Can you take a break from work? Take a weekend away? Know there is never a break from the interior of one's own skull.

[faerie_moon_x]

If I could take a weekend away bymyself I could really use that. But I can't. I just want to get away and sometimes I think I never want to come back. Sometimes I fantasise about being a coma because maybe I'd live in a world far away where everyon eloves me and treats me like a good person instead of like I'm a piece of crap. But that is just stupid thinking. I swear I was put on this earth to be walked on an dkicked around.

Tell me if this is a lie:

"What's going on?"

"Somethings going on?"
"Nothing just thinking about Christmas presents."

"What did so-and-so ask you to get?"

"So-and-so didn't ask me to get anything."

-----
Later that day

"You drew $X.XX out of the bank?"

"Yes, but used $X.XX already out of my money."

"On what?"

"Used it to by medicine for So-and-so."

"I hate liars."

"I had already planned on getting this medicine, no one asked me to get it earlier today, was planned 3 days ago."

"I asked you what was going on and you said nothing. You lied."

"I thought you asked me if so-and-so asked me to get something today, which didn't happen."

"No. It was clear because you talked to so-and-so on the phone just before text. You lied."

"I didn't know you were talking about that."

"Yes you did, it was clear."

"But I hadn't just talked, it was 10 minutes later I got your text and was thinking about christmas presents."

"You're a liar."

------

Tell me. Is the person a liar or not?

[Gr3tta]

Well that person is very confusing, to say the least! This sounds like you did absolutely nothing wrong, and I do not understand the other person's accusations.
I can understand wishing to be in a coma. Although I realize it is an unhealthy thought, I have sometimes thought that comas were the only true rest I have ever had.
I hope you get a break soon. You need it, and I concur with newtus that you deserve it.

[faerie_moon_x]

The most rest I've gotten in recent memory is when I was in the hospital with pancreatitus. Even with the anxiety that I thought my boss was going to accuse me of faking being in the hospital (so I took lots of pics with my phone to prove I was there,) it was actually a break mentally that I desperately needed..... depressing isn't it?

As soon as my dad died we suddenly became the busiest my work has EVER been in the 6 years I've been there. I mean, insanely busy. He died on Oct 28th and I am STILL catching up from missing 1 week of work. And then so much other crap on top of it all like money stress and holiday stress and so on and on...

Thanks, Gr3tta, for listening.

[lil-angel-wings]

I use to walk a lot and when I was under a lot of stressor's I would think it would be so easy to just keep walking and never look aback... I think when you get to the point of wanting to be in a coma it is time to tell everyone to back off and take a break. you have to take care of you or you will be no good to anyone else. Even if that break is locking your self in the bathroom for an hour and soaking in a hot tub...

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Wish I had a good solution for you. Take care of you....

[DePressMe]

faerie moon, wow, your under a lot of pressure--a steam pot ready to explode. You need to find some type of a relief valve to let off some steam/stress. Does it help you to write here? If so, keep writing! Sneak away to the bathroom and just take a few personal moments to deep breath. I don't know how to help you...but, I know you have the strength to overcome this. Hang in there and fight for any bit of peace you can get. You deserve peace--we all deserve a little peace........D.