[rouncer]

my life is hell and im feeling like I want to kill myself.

Its not that i hate life, but i just cant bare the pain anymore.

Now, im stuck with one issue.

Is this the cause of the a) illegal drugs, or b) the medication.

Ok, you know how brave I have to be to go against the entire world, and say the whole world is idiotic and stupid? get called arrogant? well im afraid its just unbelievable how obvious things can be and people still cant recognize the truth.

I can pretty much say its B... because i remember when my head first degenerated to the feeling like i have a pinhole soul, when i was about 25-26, after continual medication i couldnt refuse. it didnt happen straight away, i was 19 when i got my first bout of the destructive crap, and made me feel like i was on a cloud permanently, i remember i was trying to program on the little 486 at the hospital and i could barely see the screen.

do you think its healthy being drugged that much? and how much we get overdrugged?

anyway, im 33 now and i just cant take it, and i was wondering why noone else even can understand whats happening to me? or cant even say it happened to them the same as me? making me a little of an inuendo case. but you can think im lieing if you want, but I feel like I want to kill myself., and its because of the medication.

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your meds.

I'm 34 but I'm not on any meds but I probably should be maybe. But, I don't have the money for it.

If the meds are causing you physical pain and dizziness then you need to make this really clear to your doctor. Or, if you are taking illegal drugs, well, it could be those like you say. I don't know much about meds or drugs.

But, I know what it's like to be suicidal and I tell you that I fight with sucidial thoughts and have survived many attempts, starting when I was 12. It's a hard battle. It's not one that will go away necessarily if you have no meds. Suicidal thoughts are like a cancer. They live inside you and either you're in remission from them or you're strugglign with them. I've pretty much over come it in the fact that I can fight them off pretty good, but I still have them. You can't stop fighting them for one second or they will drag you down. I understand that and how hard it is and it's exhausting sometimes.