Roll Call 25

I felt so unheard in my appointment today. I didn't realize how angry I am about it until we started talking on here. Eventually I asked, "are you even bothering to listen to me?" She said yes but I'm still not convinced. I feel like she's treating me as some sort of inferior and there is no faster way to piss me off than to do that.

Yeah I have to say this psych nurse thinking I had sza and that I've been in a delusion about that abuse I went through.

It wasn't until I said, I've never hallucinated before. Then she's like, but u have that delusion. I was like, no no no I WAS abused in this organization. She was like oh, ok. I'm sure she still thinks I'm deluded, I'm gonna take in the book that has what all is happening in this organization as well as websites exposing it.

Idk, it may not be worth it. I just need her to get my meds, really.

Okay.
I think I will take 1/2 of a .5mg pill tonight then and stay at that for a couple of weeks then do 1/4 pill for a couple weeks.

Should I do that or just ride this out since I have been off them totally for a week of hell already?

punky

Personally I'd go back up and taper off slowly because your withdrawal should be a lot less bad if you take it slowly however even for a fast taper its like 6 weeks per dose reduction....at least with my pdoc it was the fastest he would go even with an AP.

I'm not sure. Sometimes should have a better idea.

I felt really sick yesterday going off my Zoloft. So I increased it to half the dose. Sexual side effects ya know. I'm gonna be getting some shortly I'm sure.

Newt, have u thought about doing okcupid again. And not include ur sz until they know u well.

yea i can redo it

I just went for a little walk, until pain hits. I've got to get back into shape again...

Well if u don't want to don't do it. Just a suggestion...

no i am going to do it. i want to.

I think it will be good. Just tell them as u get to know them.. maybe say something like sometimes I get anxiety or I struggle with depression.

I've been single so long I was getting annoyed with talking and texting with this guy all damn day. Luckily he sensed it and has backed off. I need my alone time ya know?

i feel like crap. sometimes i wish i was my cat. that we could trade places. one time i told T i wish i was a cat. he got all analytical about it. he said what about a cat makes u want to be one? the lack of responsibility? the being taken care of? i was like what the hell

i definitely feel a lack of motivation today and apathy. i slept til noon today. its like im depressed or something.

Yeah it's probably the benzo withdrawal. You could feel like this for months I'm afraid. I would suggest going back to the 1/2mg for a week and see how you feel there (which is ½-¼ of your original dose and may still be too low and you need to go up higher) I found this which may help:

benzo.org.uk : Benzodiazepines: How They Work & How to Withdraw, Prof C H Ashton DM, FRCP, 2002

The best advice is to go slow. I know it's frustrating but after taking it for years, stopping it is going to give bad withdrawal symptoms and could also cause rebound anxiety. In severe withdrawal, it can cause seizures, so it's best to be cautious and careful about this. It's not a case of riding it out for a week or two, as you could feel this awful for months

It is completely wrong in this day and age that drs are unethically prescribing benzos without telling people about their addictive nature or keeping prescriptions for short-term use only.





Yeah I hated the thought of being dependent on anything other than myself too.

Most pdocs are incompetent and psych nurses are even less trained!! :/



I personally still think that's too low. If you go from 2mg/day to 0.25mg/day, that's a huge reduction. Even 0.5mg/day is a ¼ of the original dose! I wish I could say keep going and you will feel like **** for another week and be done, but it doesn't work like that. Plus you've still got all the stress with Bean being unwell and whatever else you have going on e.g. ?moving, finances etc, and ideally you would only attempt a withdrawal when stable/stress-free. Try googling benzo withdrawal and there will be LOADS of info to help you decide what to do, but you also have to monitor & trust yourself and go back to a higher dose for a bit longer, or stay on a certain dose for a few more weeks depending on how you feel. All the best

*Willow*

So is it possible to hallucinate words in the voices of people who are currently speaking i.e. a person is talking about A, but I hear them say B?? Has anyone experienced this?? Or am I just imagining this?? I feel like my brain is playing tricks on me

It's weird cos whenever I heard voices before it was always obvious that they weren't real: there was no one around, I recognised them as voices, they said random words that real people wouldn't say, or complete nonsense words...but now I don't always know if they're real or not :/

*Willow*

Well, the usual was 1mg at bedtime for sleep and anxiety. I will try at .25mg and see if it makes me feel a little better. I think it will. Then I will see from there. Geez....this is horrible.

Thank you lovies!

punky

5 Subtypes of Auditory Processing Disorder

Could you have an auditory processing deficit...maybe due to the tinnitus?

Today was extremely good. I was even cheerful when they shut off my phone. I think I threw off the phone company lady because I was so happy on the phone and she probably doesn't get many happy people.

I hope things stay good. I hope things aren't TOO good.

Well I just had something scary happen. A cab driver came to my apt trying to find out my apt number. My landlord called me and he met me in the stairs. He was like, u called for a ride, right? I was like that was days ago. Then he's like well I was up here and thought I'd stop in. I was like I gotta go. Called my landlord and told them not to give him any info about me. Then he called. I called the cab company and they said if he bothers me anymore to call the police. My hearts racing...

im having hallucinations of bugs right now bad.

me too newtus I have been having them worse this past few weeks that is why I made that thread about them.I am hallucinating hearing beetles flying around my face and even seeing them then they are gone.they are always gone they dont exsist I cant tell my pdoc because he will thinks its drugs and I dont take any drugs at all.I have to see my pdoc tomorrow very nervous.I am going to attempt to record myself and replicate what the voices in my head sound like then I will upload it to youtube.I have to get a camera first though.I need a pet not sure what kind of pet to get but I think having a pet would give me something to take my mind off this stress I am under.

i am going to make a blog of my daily thoughts i might post it on here eventually.it sounds like a good idea transient suggested it to me.it would help me clear my mind of these dreadful things.

i might get a pet lizard or a pet cat hmm decisions decisions.im not really a dog person and i have never wanted a pet bird mainly because birds are supposed to be flying free and having them imprisoned in a cage all their lives seems a bit cruel to me.