Roll Call 27

I wish I could associate the pills with candy lol I hate this gag reflex that I get after I swallow them there have been times where I actually did throw up.
I had people watching me again today I got some pictures of them and the vans but they turned out way to blurry even when I tried to enlarge the photo.I need a better camera this cellphone camera sucks.either that or I was shaking around too much when I took the photo.I was in a car after all.I wish I knew what they want from me its really scary.

She wants to find out if you can put yourself in her shoes. If you respond in a way that shows you can, then she will see it as a sign that you are capable of having empathy for others. She will then be more likely to react less strongly to things you might say that sound threatening. She's not trying to make you uncomfortable. She just wants to see where you're 'at'.

She sounds like a really good therapist

This is a picture that I took when I was sick...it was incredibly significant to me. The working together to keep you informed part...I thought I had to reintegrate the thoughts between the right and left side of my brain to stop hearing the voices ie that the right and left side had to work together for me to think normally. I still don't know where the reality of that begins and ends but as you can see this is just an advertisement for a local news station and not some secret code. At the time it had increased significance so sometimes you can see patterns where there aren't patterns. I can't say for sure that's what's happening to you lillybird90 but it's happened to some of us that things of great meaning and clear relevance become quite ordinary once you are feeling better.

I used to put my daughters pill in a little marshmallow. It worked great!

Thank you maybe I am just making up patterns but it all just seems so real I dont know what to believe.its just so hard to separate the reality from the fantasy.and everything that has been happening to me just seems to real to be just something made up or just a coincidence.

Well I just read the updated thing for my appeal and they are trying to kill my chance of victory, my hope has my been shot down in it's prime.

They've made me sound like some kind of psycho - when I'm not taking medication.

I'm sick of all these lies - everyone is ganging up on me, but I'm not having it.

She sounds sad and lonely to me. Working with the public is hard, though.

Zeke eats chicken poo. And chicken food. And eggs. A couple of days ago he stole 5 eggs off the kitchen counter. Now I've caught him twice sticking his head in the coop, trying to see if he can get the eggs from there. Devil!

He doesn't eat the chickens, though, thank heaven.

I didn't get enough sleep last night so I'm tired today. But I don't know... I can't express my feelings or describe them. It's weird. I don't know. Maybe it'll go away after a day and I'll be able to express myself again.

Yeah I don't see it as making things up because there are actual patterns there, it's just that some of them we think are meaningful in a way that's relevant to the outside world or something larger when no one else would see the same pattern.

So let's say I went to work and 3 of 5 of us choose to wear purple that day...that's a real pattern and I usually make a joke about not getting the memo for purple day but I know there is no significance. While psychotic I might think that there was some significance to the purple and try to decode it's meaning.

To give an actual example at one point I thought everyone wearing sunglasses was part of the group trying to recruit me or similarly that every car with one window rolled down was involved. These are real patterns but they probably don't mean anything. What happened was it was the transition from spring to summer when I got sick so these were actual changes that happened almost overnight....however normally they are so inconsequential I wouldn't even notice them.

Yep. I had an egg sucking dog too!
A yellow lab.
Tried injecting tobasco sauce into an egg in the coop once to try and teach her not to but she loved it!?!

punky

thank you so much for that!

i weigh 137 tho at the moment. i gained 10 pounds this month. now trying to take it off

Oh I didn't know...but you can just go to the main grid and click...

i guess im just really upset because BEFORE the forced injection i was 105. so i hold a grudge against what was done to me because i never really needed that. and then what really ticked me off was my doc said "you were just starving yourself before" and the nurse said "you need to gain weight anyway" UGH.they dont know anything. i WASNT starving myself before. now i am because of gaining so much. even to the point of purging my food NOW but not BEFORE. it took me two whole years to lose those 80 pounds and in a matter of months im gaining again. this is partly why i dont like psychiatry. they disregard your concerns for your physical health.

Yeah I know and these are the same kind of people who would freak if their BMW had a scratch...

I can relate.

I'd like to see these psychiatrists take all these drugs and gain a ton of weight and see how they like it.

Before being on antipsychotics I was on an antidepressant that made me lose quite a bit of weight. Lol when I started an AP I was hoping the AD and AP would even each other out. Nope. I ended up gaining and gaining.

yea and then they make excuses like "you need to gain weight anyway". ugh i DIDNT. no i dont!. they must be mental themselves!!! ridiculous...

it pissses me off how these girls on instagram are 90 or 100 pounds and say they are fat.

I think it's them fishing for complements. That or they have some sort of disorder that makes them see something else in the mirror.

who knows but believe me if i was even 105 again i would NOT say im fat.

I don't know...to me I think they are really sick and so it's sad...I don't know if it's delusional or what but it's not true and I think they really believe it...

this one girl said "91 pounds is too fat when i was 74 four months ago". but then think about it like this... most of these people are just teenagers. so they may not have hit a point where they are gaining weight in their life. cuz we all at some point gain weight right? well most maybe. for some reason or another. but they think 90 or 100 is too fat.

Isn't this pretty much what you're doing right now....to a lot of us 130/40 isn't that big and it's not unhealthy and you're contrasting it to your weight at a younger age. I understand it but I still think it's very similar...