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  #26  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 10:14 AM
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i have to work today...4 to 9 30. and they are calling for 100% chance of thunderstorms at 4. so i will likely get caught in the rain. i miss T. i feel sad i wont get to see him today like i usually do. i guess i feel a little down. but im trying to be positive.
I think about you every time I interact with a cashier now, jD - or any store employee. I don't think I'm ever rude to people, but now I'm even more conscious that it may be hard for that person to be there.

And I think about faerie whenever I talk to a receptionist.
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  #27  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 10:21 AM
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I think about you every time I interact with a cashier now, jD - or any store employee. I don't think I'm ever rude to people, but now I'm even more conscious that it may be hard for that person to be there.

And I think about faerie whenever I talk to a receptionist.
awww that's so nice.... i wish more people were like u. some of them seem to expect me to be a machine with no emotions while im at work. i try my best to be friendly and ask how they are doing and stuff. but after a while it sounds so rehearsed. like telling everyone when they leave to have a good day. i can just tell it doesn't sound genuine anymore after i've been there a while
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  #28  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 10:25 AM
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awww that's so nice.... i wish more people were like u. some of them seem to expect me to be a machine with no emotions while im at work. i try my best to be friendly and ask how they are doing and stuff. but after a while it sounds so rehearsed. like telling everyone when they leave to have a good day. i can just tell it doesn't sound genuine anymore after i've been there a while
Wow, that's pretty unfair. When I go shopping and stuff I make a point to be considerate to the people that work there, it's not easy to deal with the general public for hours on end like that.
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  #29  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 10:33 AM
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yeah. i think i mentioned a while ago that a customer called and complained about me. they said i was mean to them. i dont think i was mean to anyone. im not that dumb. but i remember that day. i had just started my period for the first time in like 8 months. and it was really heavy. and i was PMSing and irritable. just not a good day to be at work. i wasn't mean to people but i prob looked like i was in a bad mood. i know i should suck it up and mask those feelings at work. but sometimes it's just really hard. i was mad when the bookkeeper told me that someone called and complained. and i was embarrassed. i didn't get into trouble though. she just told me to make sure i look people in the eye and smile a lot, but that i don't have to be "psychotically happy"....i thought it was weird that she put it that way...
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  #30  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 10:37 AM
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yeah. i think i mentioned a while ago that a customer called and complained about me. they said i was mean to them. i dont think i was mean to anyone. im not that dumb. but i remember that day. i had just started my period for the first time in like 8 months. and it was really heavy. and i was PMSing and irritable. just not a good day to be at work. i wasn't mean to people but i prob looked like i was in a bad mood. i know i should suck it up and mask those feelings at work. but sometimes it's just really hard. i was mad when the bookkeeper told me that someone called and complained. and i was embarrassed. i didn't get into trouble though. she just told me to make sure i look people in the eye and smile a lot, but that i don't have to be "psychotically happy"....i thought it was weird that she put it that way...
Ugh that sounds horrible. There's a huge difference between being irritable and being mean. I'm glad you didn't get into trouble, if you had that would have just been wrong on so many levels. Not everyone is going to be happy go lucky all the time. "Psychotically happy"... that is weird. Nobody has ever used that expression around me in my life!
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  #31  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 10:45 AM
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yeah... i remember thinking "if she only knew...."
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  #32  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 10:47 AM
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awww that's so nice.... i wish more people were like u. some of them seem to expect me to be a machine with no emotions while im at work. i try my best to be friendly and ask how they are doing and stuff. but after a while it sounds so rehearsed. like telling everyone when they leave to have a good day. i can just tell it doesn't sound genuine anymore after i've been there a while
I think many people don't think about clerks, cashiers, and receptionists at all. They're just part of the furniture.

You sound like my son saying it feels phony and rehearsed. It probably sounds that way to you, because you've been with yourself all day. To the customer it sounds at worst like a social convention.

Have a nice day.

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  #33  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:18 AM
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my therapist called my dad and said because of my continued psychosis shes cutting down my therapy sessions to 30 min because theres no real therapy going on. that hurt me.
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  #34  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:21 AM
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Yeah last week at the grocery I had meat for the first time in forever and they asked me if I wanted a separate bag for it and I was like yes please I'm a microbiologist so I know how gross it is plus the cashiers have told me some people don't wash out the reusable bags that they get meat in even if it leaks and they smell terrible. Anyway they asked me what university I worked at and I told them and it turns out the cashier graduated from the same school I'm at now and the bagger (they hire people with special needs for this job) said he had 5 brain operations at our hospital and I just told him it was a really good place to go because it is. We also talked about the mini-orchids I bought that only need to be watered with an ice cube once a week---people have this misconception that they are hard to take care of. Anyway point is if all you're getting is the same thing day in and day out it's just as much about the customer not offering up something interesting. I mean if all someone has is fifty bags of green peas I mean do you say something like what are the peas for or hold your words because they might get offended?
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  #35  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:22 AM
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my therapist called my dad and said because of my continued psychosis shes cutting down my therapy sessions to 30 min because theres no real therapy going on. that hurt me.
I don't think that it's because of your psychosis but you did mention you only talked in the last 10 minutes----those 10 minutes will still be available in a 30 minute session right?
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  #36  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:29 AM
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my therapist called my dad and said because of my continued psychosis shes cutting down my therapy sessions to 30 min because theres no real therapy going on. that hurt me.
I'm sorry to hear this. I wonder what would help you be able to be able to use the time you do have with her constructively?
  #37  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:30 AM
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I don't think that it's because of your psychosis but you did mention you only talked in the last 10 minutes----those 10 minutes will still be available in a 30 minute session right?
yea well she left a long voice mail on my dads phone about my behavior and using these new 30 min as a way to monitor my med compliance and behavior.
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  #38  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:31 AM
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I'm sorry to hear this. I wonder what would help you be able to be able to use the time you do have with her constructively?
idk i think 30 min is too short.
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  #39  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:31 AM
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yea well she left a long voice mail on my dads phone about my behavior and using these new 30 min as a way to monitor my med compliance and behavior.
I'm a bit confused, why was she calling your dad and not you? You're the client after all. Maybe I'm missing something?
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  #40  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:40 AM
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I'm a bit confused, why was she calling your dad and not you? You're the client after all. Maybe I'm missing something?

yea she called my dad
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  #41  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:46 AM
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I feel so out of it right now like Im not all there/here right now I am finding a hard time focusing on what I am saying/typing so that what I say makes sense
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  #42  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:46 AM
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yea she called my dad
But why? You're an adult, I think she should have called you instead.

It sucks that she cut down your time with her.
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  #43  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:47 AM
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yea well she left a long voice mail on my dads phone about my behavior and using these new 30 min as a way to monitor my med compliance and behavior.
That totally sucks its like she doesn't want to do any therapy at all and I agree with atypical why is she calling your dad and not you that's totally disrespectful and if she felt this way why couldn't she just talk to you directly while you were there. This well I really hate this clinic and you know that but I also know you like this therpist and I respect that but I don't understand why they keep trying to monitor you rather than give you actual therapy....it actually sounded really good the one session that you had and now its back to monitoring again...
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  #44  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:48 AM
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I feel so out of it right now like Im not all there/here right now I am finding a hard time focusing on what I am saying/typing so that what I say makes sense
I can relate to this. When I was sick I had a very difficult time typing in a way that made sense. I often failed miserably and my posts came out as word salad. For what it's worth you're making sense right now though!
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  #45  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 11:55 AM
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I can relate to this. When I was sick I had a very difficult time typing in a way that made sense. I often failed miserably and my posts came out as word salad. For what it's worth you're making sense right now though!
Thanks I am trying I have had to go over it a few times to make sure it comes out right though.Im wondering if this mental fog has anything to do with me skipping my meds 2 days ago
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  #46  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 12:02 PM
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That totally sucks its like she doesn't want to do any therapy at all and I agree with atypical why is she calling your dad and not you that's totally disrespectful and if she felt this way why couldn't she just talk to you directly while you were there. This well I really hate this clinic and you know that but I also know you like this therpist and I respect that but I don't understand why they keep trying to monitor you rather than give you actual therapy....it actually sounded really good the one session that you had and now its back to monitoring again...

yea i was about to say that 1 session was good and now its back to monitoring. like you said. its just this whole clinic is twisted and every person that works there falls into that twisted category. im not really even sure myself how to make the best of therapy. she brought up things to talk about like my mom which i dont want to talk about. because i have nothing to say really anymore because im past those events in my life unless something comes up. then she wanted yestterday to talk more about my MRI but what more can i say aboht it? and then thats it. idk what to talk about im so bad at therapy. but this isnt about what idk what to talk about. SHE SAID she wanted to monitor my meds and behavior. so idk
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  #47  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 12:02 PM
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Thanks I am trying I have had to go over it a few times to make sure it comes out right though.Im wondering if this mental fog has anything to do with me skipping my meds 2 days ago
It could be, if I miss a dose with my meds I feel foggy for a little while until the meds get back in my system properly again.
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  #48  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 12:05 PM
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yea i was about to say that 1 session was good and now its back to monitoring. like you said. its just this whole clinic is twisted and every person that works there falls into that twisted category. im not really even sure myself how to make the best of therapy. she brought up things to talk about like my mom which i dont want to talk about. because i have nothing to say really anymore because im past those events in my life unless something comes up. then she wanted yestterday to talk more about my MRI but what more can i say aboht it? and then thats it. idk what to talk about im so bad at therapy. but this isnt about what idk what to talk about. SHE SAID she wanted to monitor my meds and behavior. so idk
I'm bad at therapy too, notoriously bad at it. I just quit again because it wasn't working out for me.

It sounds like not knowing what to say is a big problem for you, have you considered perhaps writing out things you'd like to talk about ahead of time so you'll have something to work with when you actually go? Just a thought.

I find it unfortunate that she seems more interested in monitoring you instead of talking to you and meeting you where you're at. Monitoring meds and behavior is a psychiatrist's job in my opinion, not a therapist's. Sure if a behavior concern comes up in therapy then yes they should deal with that... but otherwise? I don't know. This just doesn't seem right to me...
  #49  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 12:17 PM
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Y I mean if all someone has is fifty bags of green peas I mean do you say something like what are the peas for or hold your words because they might get offended?
ive seen people who buy like 50 of one thing. sometimes i say something and sometimes i dont in fear that they will get offended. like if someone is buying a lot of cat food i make small talk about cats cuz i love cats. but if someone is buying like 50 frozen dinner dishes im not gonna ask about that cuz its pretty obvious that they dont cook. i try to go by what i would want a cashier to bring up to me. if i was a customer and a cashier mentioned things i was buying (which has happened) it embarrasses me. thats why most of the time i go to the self checkout. i guess thats social anxiety but when im doing my job i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable
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  #50  
Old Jun 27, 2014, 12:19 PM
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I'm bad at therapy too, notoriously bad at it. I just quit again because it wasn't working out for me.


It sounds like not knowing what to say is a big problem for you, have you considered perhaps writing out things you'd like to talk about ahead of time so you'll have something to work with when you actually go? Just a thought.


I find it unfortunate that she seems more interested in monitoring you instead of talking to you and meeting you where you're at. Monitoring meds and behavior is a psychiatrist's job in my opinion, not a therapist's. Sure if a behavior concern comes up in therapy then yes they should deal with that... but otherwise? I don't know. This just doesn't seem right to me...

this sort of doesnt seem right to me either. i want to bring it up that it should be a psychiatrists job but im too scared because shell know i heard my dads voicemail. or that maybe shell quit therapy with me. which is not likely but who knows.

but ill give writing things down ahead of time a try thanks.
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