Roll Call.....#30

You're welcome.

Yeah, meds help but I'm still... an irritable mess. I feel like I need to crawl out of my skin, I feel so uncomfortable! This room feels too small, I feel like I'm suffocating... nothing I can do seems to relieve the feeling. I don't even know if it's a feeling, it's just this weird state of mind that I get in and it always happens when I'm PMS'ing... though, honestly it seems like there's more going on than "just" PMS... this is hell. I don't know what the **** is wrong with me.

yes i did not mean it in bad way

the half sister i rarely see and the half brother i rarely get along with so idk what to think. the relationship is superficial. idk if id call it a relationship really idk.

Do u have a prn u can take? Also chamomile tea helps and ibuprofen.

I don't have any PRN's unfortunately. I meant to ask about that at my pdoc appointment this past week but I forgot of course. When will I learn to write this **** down? Lol.

Tea sounds like a good idea though, I'll do that.

Don't be hard on yourself, I'm just now learning to write stuff down. And I don't always remember.

Thank you. I'm not being too hard on myself, I just feel kind of silly because I forgot to remember to write down stuff I needed to remember... hahahaha.

Well then....

Well we drove up to my bro's baseball tournament today. My mother played pop music the whole way. I don't understand why she would allow us to become brainwashed like that.... No wait.... Maybe she is brainwashed to do that..

I had a really bad night at work, the patient was up all night because he wanted me to touch him. I want a new job so badly.

I've been exercising lately and the suicidal thoughts have ceased. Also, risperdal was increased and I rarely hear voices now

I talked to my boyfriend about it and he said that's sexual harassment so now he really wants me to find a better job soon because it happens every time I work. I don't even wear makeup at work anymore so I wouldn't get weird compliments anymore, but I can't change anything else.

Good morning!

I hate people, I hate people, I hate people! Today I was going shopping, I came out of the shop with my shopping bag when all of a sudden a boy in his late teens shouted out. "No, I'm not going to ask if she's a girl or a boy!" And you want to know why people are being so offensive? It's because I'm wearing a t-shirt I really like that I found in the mens section of a shop. Just because I'm wearing a t-shirt a man would wear, doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman. But no, some people can't see that clothing doesn't need a gender. If I want to wear a t-shirt with a skull on it, then I'm going to wear a t-shirt with a skull on it. Argh! I'm fuming.

Very irritable today, can't stand these people...

well i feel a little paranoid today. i keep hearing ppl outside my apartment and i look out the window. im not hallucinating cuz there are actually people out there and one of them was my landlord. so that made me nervous. i thought she was gonna come to talk to me. she makes me so nervous. ugh. my new neighbor was gone for a while and i saw him coming back into his apartment so i guess he is back now. but every time i hear a car door or hear someone outside i get up to look out the window. i dont know if thats paranoia or what but it's making me anxious.

other than that i feel ok. looking forward to seeing T at 3. might hang out with my friend and her sister today. i didnt feel like it yesterday but i have nothing to do all day cept meet with T so i think it will be good to do something with my friend.

I still get this kind of thing----the worst are tones for text messages or voice mail----some of them especially the ones that whistle---they come from nowhere and people ignore them entirely. I have most of them memorized now but occasionally someone will have a new one but like if people are talking they won't answer the text so it can just ring out of no where and they have no facial response to it at all. This is especially bad when it happens somewhere people shouldn't have phones like in a meeting or the bathroom or whatever but even on the bus or train it will be dead quiet there will be this noise and then dead quiet again. Freaks me out....

Are you sure he was referring to your t-shirt? Is it possible that you were feeling self-conscious about it, so you thought he meant the t-shirt? Are you sure he was even talking about you? I can't imagine anyone mistaking (or pretending to mistake) a woman for man because she was wearing a t-shirt with a skull on it.

I can relate. Whenever someone is talking quietly, I worry that they are talking about me and that I did something wrong, and from there I feel very nervous.

omg amish mafia is on netflix. lol. i watch weird stuff

i feel like this too , mostly at work. a couple times a customer talks quietly to the person thats standing with them at the register. so it makes me think they are talking bad about me. same with coworkers or managers who are standing together talking . i think they are talking about me . it makes me nervous and distracted so i try not to look around that much .

Boyfriend hasn't eaten or drunk any liquids since Saturday... I know this should make me sad because he's depressed but I just feel frustrated... Told him to eat and I'm going to keep telling him to eat until he does. I sort of feel guilty.

So my cpn is using me not having the depot as an opportunity to transfer it to fortnightly rather than every week. So she's turning a negative into a positive. I think that's good it means I won't have to have it every week so it's less intrusive. I'm trying to be mature about it my bf had a massive talk with me about ruining my uni chances if I don't take it so I'm really trying to go along with it

Sorry your bf is struggling, it's hard to be supportive all the time sometimes people need a bit of tough love I think

The eating part isn't great but the no liquids part is pretty scary---if he get's too dehydrated he might even need an IV which is not fun....