Roll Call 36

hey guys

welcome back chickenfoot!!!

my recovery coach came over today and she put up my shade for me. yay!! it looks nice. and i can feel safer at night now.

I take both antidepressant and an antipsychotic. I've notice it affects my mood when I'm not taking either one or both. They work great for depression.

anyone else feeling paranoid

Hope you get it soon. What's the referral for if you don't mind me asking? I think the postal system is pretty good over there, from what I've heard. Maybe they've yet to send it?

Good to be back!

i keep thinking someones watching me in my house. i turned around real quickly thinking someone was standing over my bed wantig to stab me

i think theres a ghost or somethig turning lights on and off in my house

Congratulations, Erti!

I'm going nuts again

need abilify increased. My psychiatrist warned me

I dont have ...omg forgive me for saying this but i have superpowers and all the delusions are becoming more real WHY. THIS ISNT REAL. YES IT IS. NO ITS NOT. YES IT IS.

LOOK I KNOW THIS ISNT REAL BECAUSE IM A PSYCHIATRIC PATIENT BUT THATS SOMETHING THAT I MUST FORCE MYSELF TO BELIEVE FOR THE SAKE OF MY SANITY

WITH SCHIZOTYPAL I CAN RARELY EVER BE FULLY PSYCHOTIC. IM. STUCK. IN. THE. UNKNOWN.

STRESS WHY DO YOU TRIGGER ME AND GIVE ME ANXIETY

It's so easy to believe and let go but then the ..PARANOIA eats me alive.

i dont care what this is. Neither does my psychiatrist. All we care about is being mentally comfortable and abilify does its magic.

Why do some of us stop taking them why why why and then do it all over again when sworn that we wouldnt

Just a return of some of my psychotic symptoms... my GP told me that my record has me down as queried schizophrenia after my last dealings with them.

It's not as bad as my acute phase last time but still wearing me down a bit.

It's most likely that but it's been 6 weeks & I'm just getting frustrated. My referral the first time around took like a week and a half... in some ways I wish I was bad enough to go the hospital.

It's quiet in here today... what's everyone up to?

burger king chicken nuggets r gross

I'm at work - trying to find a different job.

Work actually I was reading about how rooibos tea extract might be able to substitute for something like metformin because it also activates ampk----in contrast though it's thought to help with diarrhea which would be nice and why I was looking at it. I work in a GI department....

I've never tried them but it doesn't surprise me...

I'm just drinking some green tea at the moment

i just got back from meeting with T. it went well. he said he needs to raise his fee for me. it's $25 now a session. it was $12.50. i said ok and then we said bye. but on the way home i felt somewhat hurt bc of it. i was thinking that maybe i am too much work for him. so when i got home i texted him:

me : i dont know why but i felt a little hurt when you said you need to raise your fee.i guess to me it felt like a rejection and i thought that i did something wrong or i am too much work for you. but im trying to tell myself that you need to make money with your practice so you can live. i guess i just want to know that it's not because you don't like working with me...

T : no. it definitely is not because of that. it makes sense that you would have an emotional reaction. it is because i need to make a living and am trying to figure out this private practice thing. we can talk about it.

me: ok. i realize my emotions arent logical bc i am aware you need to make a living with your new practice. but thanks for answering.

T : And don't forget: you still have a seventy-five percent discount!

me : i know. now i feel like im acting ungrateful. i am very grateful. i know the logic behind it. i guess my emotions dont.

T: of course! im glad you brought it up! very emotionally mature!

me : im glad too. i feel better about it now. thanks for explaining it.

sooo yeah.....i do feel better knowing its not because of me or something i did. he said he is still waiting to get approved to accept Medicare. i guess it takes a long time.

I'm always impressed by the way you're able to bring up difficult topics. My son's the same way. I'm more of a don't-talk-about-it-and-let-fester type.

aww thanks. i didnt use to do it at all. i let things fester so much for so long. and even now im not able to do it with everyone. but i feel safe with my T and i know it is safe to bring up these things with him bc he wont get angry or judge me. i am starting to work on bringing up difficult things to my friend. so far its gone well. i get my feelings hurt a lot by her actions and i read into things WAY too much. so i just check it out with her now. at first i was afraid she would get mad and tell me shes not my friend anymore. but she responded so well to it. i want to be able to take the things i am able to talk about or do with T and move them into my relationships outside of therapy.

Yeah, it seems like she and her T have a trusting relationship.

Question... how does one know they are delusional?

If someone like a psychiatrist tells you i think

Depends on your insight---sometimes things just don't make sense you know its wrong but you believe it somehow anyway----most of the time somebody has to tell you though if its a full delusion----my experience anyway...

Depends on how much insight you have... some will have no idea but for me I'll recognise I'm having strange thoughts, or think things are happening & react to them...

I sort of know whatever I'm thinking isn't true yet I can't shake the idea.

I've been fully delusional & not known in the past but eventually come to realise as I gain a little insight.

i told my mom and sister i wasnt taking my meds and i kept hearing stuff and saying like "whats that?" or "what is that?" and my sisters like "if youre your not takig your meds i dont want to hang out with you". but then shes like "well...i will i just dont want to see you in the hospital you know...cause its sad"

so im hearing lots of voices today and feeling paranoia.