Roll Call 42

It may be uncomfortable but I'm not sure about very bad....I think it's healthy and completely normal to start being attracted to people who care about you. It suggests that you actually have a good sense about people who would be good for you instead of picking losers. That's my take anyway....

i have an iphone.

and yea ill look into it although havent been too interested in actually MAKING games but when i was 12 i took some coding classes for PC games.

<rant> I'm starting to realise, now that I'm coming back down to Earth, how self absorbed I've been over the past year and a half. I really don't have it bad, have amazing parents, a fiance who loves me very much and a handful of friends to get drunk with on the weekends. I think the self pitying has to come to an end, life just isn't that bad. I've stopped making big deals over little problems and start getting back to living my life!

Sorry </rant>

I'll have a look for that app, I'm on iPhone too.

That's cool you got some classes when you were young, I never knew what coding was until I was about 19 or so. I knew I was good with computers but never exposed to coding. I haven't done a tap in the last year but I'm planning on getting back to it in the new year.

Definitely look into it anyway

Thank you!

i will. i was mainly into the internet extremely since i was 3. i still am now. but anyway i was coding websites since i was 9. things have changed now tho with that. they have website makers with a WYSIWYG (what-you-see-is-what-you-get) format mainly. plus you can pay companies on the cheap now to code your sites. and a whole bunch of other stuff. i miss the 90s.

That's cool, you already have the basics down already so! I've never really grasped HTML and CSS and all that, I'm just not that creative when it comes to designing websites. Though I know you can buy fancy layouts quite cheap now as you say.

I got into making games because I always have these hilariously bad ideas about blowing things up. I believe my last game involved a potato shooting dinosaurs. It was fun and never intended to be distributed.

Great jobs out there for those who get their bachelor of science degree, I'm two years off the mark there. I will go back to it though, this is just a hiccup.

i was just thinking about how i went to a christian school 8th grade because i was bullied at public school. man i begged to change schools and my parents put me in a christian and then i begged to go back to public school after it ended. high school was just terrible...

anyway so i hated the school and the kids SO much. i was a loner and gothic in 8th grade and i remember i didnt fit in the goody goody christian kids but i didnt fit all too much in with the few troubled kids there. more them than anything tho. so they made everyone goto this christian camp. mandatory. if you opted out then you had to spend the whole week writing a book essay. which all the troubled kids except 1 opted out.

the only cool thing about this school was that at the camp they let us shoot guns for the first time at a range on our own. it was a shotgun. i had never felt so scared and liberated at the same time.

Have you heard of transference? That could explain why you think your attracted to her

I went to a public school and in 6th grade we went to a camp. It wasn't mandatory though. I got to do horse back ridding, clime a wall, pet bunnies, and sing around a camp fire at night. We did other activities but I can't remember.

i went to a public school camp in 5th grade too. i hated it. i just hate camps and stuff. idk if id ever go camping again. but in 5th grade there was a fire in the hills of the camp near the cabins so they bussed us back to school after 2 days on the back of this truck with hay bales for seats. i only went to private school in 1st and 2nd and 8th grade. i liked public school WAY better. im not counting kindergarten and preschool but i did goto a church school during those two parts of my life too. but it was like different because kindergarten and preschool is not like how you would goto a school for 1st thru 12th grade. not now anyway.

ive been forgetting what im doing in the middle of doing things lately. also when im talking i forget what im going to say next even if im in the middle of saying something long.

lol I just remembered doing square dancing at the camp too. But yeah... I don't think I can handle going to a Christian school or a Catholic school.

most of the kids in my christian school were like the goody-goody kids in public school but like times 20. they were SO COMPLETELY naive and didnt know that much outside of what they were taught in school. they DIDNT listen to mainstream music. they thought me wearing all black was because i was satanic (i never told anyone there i was gothic). they were so ignorant so much that they even said racist BS about black people. but i blame their parents and their upbringing more than them. i still blame them tho. they were so brainwashed it wasnt even funny. i was lucky for even having being able to be around a few troubled kids at school. i was told by the teachers that i should not wear all black or do thick makeup (cuz i used to). i almost got spanked there with a paddle for doing my hair like someone from the misfits or slipknot.

Me too, hence me being so quiet lately... Can't focus well right now.

My dog might have cancer she's at the vets now and they're doing an X-ray but she might not come home. I'm so sad :,(

I hope she's OK justme.

Let's hope it's not. We had an Irish Wolfhound when I was little & he had to be put down because he had cancer. Not nice.

good morning!

sorry about ur dog Justme. I know that stuff is really hard. i hope ur dog is ok

so i finally got internet yesterday. it sucked w.o it bc i dont have cable tv or anything. i watch stuff on my xbox with wifi. but the box finally came thru UPS yesterday. i was so excited lol. my friend said thats the most excited she's ever seen me.

i saw T last night. it went well. i had to wait in the waiting room with these 2 rambunctious boys. they were like "what is this place?" lol. T knows i dont like kids. when he came in the waiting room he just smiled. i told him i got there early and had to wait with those kids for like 20 min. he joked and said it was exposure therapy and that he was watching thru a window and saying to the client, "lets just give her 5 more minutes. she needs this" haha

T wrote me a letter for when/if i get paranoid when my shot runs out. i hope it will help to read it if it happens again.

i am going to my moms house today. i am getting some of my hair cut. my hair is really long so im gonna get the ends trimmed off and shaped around my face.

i love my new apartment and i feel so happy to be here and to be out of the scary one. i really think this change is good for me and everyone is excited for me . its a much nicer apartment in a more urban area so i dont feel so scared bc the other one was in a VERy remote area.

i missed reading ur guys posts and talking to u all!

so i have to goto my moms house today and spend the night.
we are gonna celebrate christmass tonight cuz my dads off tomorrow and thursday and my mom wont be home tomorrow anyway.
i feel slightly bad saying this but im not looking forward to this and i dont wanna go.

Glad the new apartment is working out for you JunkDNA and that youre back on the internet. being without it counts as a major crisis these days!

FOR REAL!!!

I'm really happy for you! I hope the new place will be everything good.

Welcome back! I go a bit nuts(well, more nuts, lol) if I don't have internet. I'm stuck at home a lot so the internet is one of the few ways I can connect to the outside world in a way that feels safe.(I have days where I'm fine and I can go out and socialize but when I'm in a bad phase with my sz I'm just in my bedroom alone...)

A very close friend of mine has bipolar I disorder and he's severely depressed right now and I don't have a clue how to help. Like, at all. It seems like everything I say or do just makes it worse.

If anyone has any advice on what to say and what not to say to someone who's depressed I'd appreciate hearing it.