Roll Call 42

my dad wants me to take my medicine. i just do not want to. ive talked to my therapist as much as i could last time about my anxiety and panic but she just had this general...elementary advice that was completely unhelpful. im annoyed by her. theres little to nothing i can do about it tho. theres no other therapist at that branch and i cant pay for another one.

i kinda dont want to sleep.
i dont want to have another nightmare.
ive dreamt of my dad being sick and someone trying to kill me already...

Yeah, when I wasn't sleeping I was having horrible nightmares. In the hospital they put me on a nightmare med. I'm off it now. I have very vivid dreams. They can be distressing.

Anyway, maybe u need a nightmare med for a while.

whats a nightmare med?

Hey, congratulations!

So what do you guys think about this? I have a big technical interview on Monday for the first time. Other than a month or two of work-from-home, very flexible work, I haven't worked since mid 2011. That was when I had my second psychotic episode - both times I had psychotic episodes I had just started a really great job I loved in an office. So now I'm hoping to try working a third time in the New Year. Meanwhile I just asked my Dr to switch me to Abilify and he prescribed me Abilify and Latuda and said try either or both. I was on Zyprexa and Wellbutrin since mid 2011 and they seem to be working great, but diabetes is a big concern of mine along with obesity, and Zyprexa was making me sleep 12 hours a night. So I stopped taking it Tuesday and started a very low dose of Abilify Wednesday. Already the past few nights I haven't been sleeping more than 8 hours, but I sleep well, and I don't feel as foggy in the morning.

I should be good to interview Monday, but if I get an offer, should I

a) go back to Zyprexa at least for now since it has worked so far and this is a big trigger for my psychosis or

b) keep with Abilify as long as it's working ok

What do you think you would do?

I'd probably stay with the Zyprexa, because starting new meds along with a new job would make me very nervous. It also took several weeks for Abilify to start working for me.

I've been awake for 2 nights now

I stayed in bed too long. Almost since noon yesterday.

Still no sleep and it's morning now

I would not start the abilify, but don't just take my advice it made me crazy

Morning roll call,

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, and I thought I heard knocking... worst part is I wasn't sure if it was real or not. Usually when I've heard knocking in the past it's misinterpreting another sound but I've no idea what could make noise at 3am.

I did wonder if it might have been my window shaking in the wind... not sure though. I'm just going to see it as a small blip in what is otherwise an improvement on meds. Far from the worst additional symptom that could appear out the blue.

I hope it was nothing, Loial. I have been hearing stuff at times that I'm not sure whether it's real. Very annoying.

I'm so anxious. I had better take hydroxyzine.

I have no motivation today. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere. And there are people outside monitoring my every movement. I hate being stalked and I fear the police are in on it too. I'm not safe.

OMG COOL~~!!!! congrats!!!

Don't you hate having to question everything? When I hear something I ask people who are aware of my diagnosis if they heard it too.

I'm not sure it's something worse for me I get knocking as a really early sign before the voices.....kind of a prodromal thing....it could be you're getting better and this is a decrease in symptoms ie knocking instead of voices...now the waking you up part that sucks hopefully it doesn't happen again.

Hi all, whats shaking? hehe

Current status: ingesting caffeine.

Same Atypical, im hoping for a major boost im feeling sluggish.

How are you today?

I'm doing well. The haldol is doing its job as far as I know. Nobody's been telling me, "you don't make sense" lately so that's a plus!

How are you?

I took that too literally and checked to make sure I wasn't shaking-----stupid side effects----less though now on 7.5mg but not totally gone.

I'm trying to decide whether to be lazy now or change my schedule and be lazy more toward the end of the day.

Sorry just a little sz humour that i find funny Ive reduced my meds temporarily to stop the shaking, it was just getting ridiculous.

Do you normally work better in mornings or afternoons?

I picked lazy now-----it's Friday before a weeks vacation so my work load is a bit less just because I can't carry on into next week and we also had journal club cancelled and I'm literally the only one here right now. Today my schedule consists of lunch, tissue culture and looking at 3 sets of slides.

Sometimes did u get teh message i sent u last week?

My internet is super glitchy right now lazy now may have been a poor choice. Basically I work better with my brain and quiet thought in the morning, as in if I have papers to read but low key stuff like I'm doing today I normally do in the afternoon because it's the kind of thing I could almost do asleep and I'd get bored doing it now----plus I would likely want to leave too early if I got it all done which isn't cool.