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  #351  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 12:44 PM
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Yeah, positive to think like that but the knocking was never a pre-cursor for me... it's not as bad as it has been though, I used to hear knocking every time a car drove past when I first got ill years ago.. took me a week or two to realise what was causing it. That was scary combined with voices telling me it was the police or people harassing me

Glad that I have the insight that when I hear it I think logically rather than irrationally now.
Yeah I can see how that would be scary---I usually think mine is spirits knocking of something benign like that....I thought they were helping me.
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  #352  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:07 PM
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im clearly not intelligent.
im dumb.
dumb ***********
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Last edited by TheWell; Dec 19, 2014 at 03:09 PM. Reason: Profanity edit
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  #353  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:18 PM
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im clearly not intelligent.
im dumb.
dumb **********
um newtus dont say that about ur self
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Last edited by TheWell; Dec 19, 2014 at 03:20 PM.
  #354  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:20 PM
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im clearly not intelligent.
im dumb.
dumb ***********
I disagree.
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Last edited by TheWell; Dec 19, 2014 at 03:20 PM.
  #355  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:24 PM
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why cant i be good at something in this world. im subpar.
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  #356  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:26 PM
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why cant i be good at something in this world. im subpar.
u r an amazing person!!!!!!!
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  #357  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:40 PM
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why cant i be good at something in this world. im subpar.
What are you talking about?
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  #358  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:41 PM
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What are you talking about?

im saying im not good at anything in this world. i dont have any talent or intelligence.
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  #359  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:43 PM
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thanks everyone I am really excited about it but also a little nervous!
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  #360  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:44 PM
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im saying im not good at anything in this world. i dont have any talent or intelligence.

yes you are youre a good and awesome person and you can accomplish what ever you want in this world
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  #361  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:45 PM
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yes you are youre a good and awesome person and you can accomplish what ever you want in this world

thank you lillybird
i just dont feel like am
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  #362  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by newtus View Post
im saying im not good at anything in this world. i dont have any talent or intelligence.
I've seen your art/photography you have talent there for sure and you seem perfectly intelligent to me based on our conversations....
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  #363  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:54 PM
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You know newtus I'm reminded of the wizard of oz when the wizard tells the lion and the tin man and the scarecrow that they really had what they wanted all along, courage, a heart and a brain but they just needed the outside acknowledgement....
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  #364  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 01:57 PM
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well ill rarely have outside acknowlegdment in my life. i spend most of my times in my room and have no friends...couple of acquaintances. i just have online friends.
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  #365  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 02:01 PM
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well ill rarely have outside acknowlegdment in my life. i spend most of my times in my room and have no friends...couple of acquaintances. i just have online friends.
Maybe that will change now that you're in school---you already got 100% on your first assignment
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  #366  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 02:07 PM
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Maybe that will change now that you're in school---you already got 100% on your first assignment
i dont understand? im doing school online.
i honestly...i cant stand people...i really cant.
id rather be at home than spending time with someone.
its bad enough my sister tries to get me to go places around people and with people and i dont want to. i mean i really despise people. but being picked on and threatened in high school helped mold the foundation for that.
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  #367  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 02:33 PM
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I did it! I applied to a job at a bookstore and I had my interview today and they hired me on! I don't start work until January the 5th because thats when the store reopens.
I'm know I'm a bit late to the party, but that's FANTASTIC news Lillybird! Well done!

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Originally Posted by hexacoda View Post
So what do you guys think about this? I have a big technical interview on Monday for the first time. Other than a month or two of work-from-home, very flexible work, I haven't worked since mid 2011. That was when I had my second psychotic episode - both times I had psychotic episodes I had just started a really great job I loved in an office. So now I'm hoping to try working a third time in the New Year. Meanwhile I just asked my Dr to switch me to Abilify and he prescribed me Abilify and Latuda and said try either or both. I was on Zyprexa and Wellbutrin since mid 2011 and they seem to be working great, but diabetes is a big concern of mine along with obesity, and Zyprexa was making me sleep 12 hours a night. So I stopped taking it Tuesday and started a very low dose of Abilify Wednesday. Already the past few nights I haven't been sleeping more than 8 hours, but I sleep well, and I don't feel as foggy in the morning.

I should be good to interview Monday, but if I get an offer, should I

a) go back to Zyprexa at least for now since it has worked so far and this is a big trigger for my psychosis or

b) keep with Abilify as long as it's working ok

What do you think you would do?
I probably wouldn't mess with something that works right before a big change, but I find that med changes make me quite unwell (physically) and I wouldn't want to cope with feeling ill on top of stress and change. Good luck with your interview!

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I've been awake for 2 nights now
Insomnia sucks! It's bad enough I'm only getting 2-3 hours a night - no sleep must be MUCH worse!

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Originally Posted by StarStrike View Post
I have no motivation today. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere. And there are people outside monitoring my every movement. I hate being stalked and I fear the police are in on it too. I'm not safe.
I can relate.

Normally I buy most of my Xmas presents in the January or Summer sales. I like to be organised and buy thoughtful gifts. Last year I had them all wrapped before I was sectioned in November. This year, Xmas is in less than a week and I still haven't bought everything! Trying to choose something that I think somebody might like is EXHAUSTING! I find it hard to decide what to wear and I don't even care about looking presentable unless I'm doing my voluntary work or going to T. So there's all this pressure to make decisions, which grows greater as each day passes and the deadline draws nearer. I was in Accessorise earlier and I forced myself to pick a necklace for my Mum because I need to give her something for Xmas, but I don't like buying stuff for the sake of buying stuff. If I give a gift, I want it to be special, not the best of a bad lot. But I can't even figure out what I want and make tiny decisions, let alone imagine what somebody else might want. Anyway, that's my bah humbug rant! I keep telling myself that the nightmare will be over in under 2 weeks, but that feels too long.

Also I'm really upset that Max's Xmas jumper didn't fit (the sizing was weird) and I couldn't get a larger size. And I eventually found one online that I liked and should fit, but when it arrived yesterday, it was too small. I don't know if I measured him wrong (sometimes I can't use rulers/measuring tape properly, or I write the wrong numbers down) or if they sent the wrong size (it has no tags), but whatever the reason, he won't have a jumper now for Xmas as I can't get his size anywhere. And I don't know why I'm so upset - I know he won't know/care! - because it's just a stupid jumper, but now I don't have anything to give him

*Willow*
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  #368  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by newtus View Post
i dont understand? im doing school online.
i honestly...i cant stand people...i really cant.
id rather be at home than spending time with someone.
its bad enough my sister tries to get me to go places around people and with people and i dont want to. i mean i really despise people. but being picked on and threatened in high school helped mold the foundation for that.
Grades are external acknowledgement from a person even if you never see them just like you never see us....
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  #369  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 02:54 PM
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thank you
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  #370  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 02:54 PM
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Grades are external acknowledgement from a person even if you never see them just like you never see us....

oh i see what your saying. i thought you meant making friends
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  #371  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23 View Post
Also I'm really upset that Max's Xmas jumper didn't fit (the sizing was weird) and I couldn't get a larger size. And I eventually found one online that I liked and should fit, but when it arrived yesterday, it was too small. I don't know if I measured him wrong (sometimes I can't use rulers/measuring tape properly, or I write the wrong numbers down) or if they sent the wrong size (it has no tags), but whatever the reason, he won't have a jumper now for Xmas as I can't get his size anywhere. And I don't know why I'm so upset - I know he won't know/care! - because it's just a stupid jumper, but now I don't have anything to give him

*Willow*
Do you think a tailor could handle it---maybe they could just add in some extensions or elastic or something I really don't know what they do exactly but maybe you could get it altered?
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  #372  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 02:59 PM
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oh i see what your saying. i thought you meant making friends
Well if you make friends that would be great but I just meant that you were intelligent and talented and maybe you would see that in your classes----do the classes have message boards or anything like that?
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  #373  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 03:11 PM
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Well if you make friends that would be great but I just meant that you were intelligent and talented and maybe you would see that in your classes----do the classes have message boards or anything like that?

yea but we can only post our discussion assignments on the message board
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  #374  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 03:24 PM
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yea but we can only post our discussion assignments on the message board
Oh I see....so can you get your entire degree online or do you have to go in person for some classes?
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  #375  
Old Dec 19, 2014, 03:28 PM
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Oh I see....so can you get your entire degree online or do you have to go in person for some classes?

you can only get your entire associates degree online here
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