Roll Call 44

Just wanted to say hi.





That is all.

hey guys work was ok

i have this feeling like something is stuck in my throat but theres nothing there. idk what to do it is really weird.

like really

wtf is it

Recipe: Authentic Chai | The Kitchn

Making this chai from scratch....the final touch on my fantastic pajama day...

Well only slept 5 hours. This isn't good...

I feel so guilty. I ate bacon last night. After I saw a video about how pigs are treated in those horrible overcrowded factories. I said no more pork. Idk, my sisters say to wait and hopefully one day I can have raised on an ethical farm meat. But for now, that's not possible.

And I'm really broke already...Ugh. Sorry for being such a drag...

If you like bacon the salad topping baco's are actually vegetarian and not bacon at all.

Anybody here using whatsapp? or is there a whatsapp chatroom for the group? Since im seldom here, i need someone to talk to. Pm me if any of u guys r keen.

Morning all...

There is inbuilt chat here... I'm up early... I'll add you as a friend...

Slept good, only slept for about an hour though. It's a little after 1 A.M right now here. Busy day coming up

The time difference is always a bit strange for me... most folks here are stateside so way behind. It's 06:25am here now.

Sorry you only slept an hour but you are sounding pretty positive about it - is it a good sort of busy day coming up?

Newtus I made a wordpress blog like 8 months ago.

I'll show people after my next pdoc appointment or never idk 0.o I didn't write much for months because I was doing well and also deleted a lot

Hi Loial, yes it'a a pretty positive day. I go to the mental health clinic for group in the morning for a few hours, we just talk and do arts and crafts stuff which is nice. Plus I get to pick up my proof of disability letter from my doctor to send into my college. When I get home I got a lot of school work I have to do, so I'm not sure how I'm going to do on this little sleep but it should be a good day how are you?

I always find productive days to be the best & it sounds like that's what you have lined up!

I'm good... I was a bit paranoid last night, first time in a while but I'm feeling much more grounded this morning. Not really got much plans for the day but I'm sure I'll find something to do!

i kinda forgot about mine. but will be posting in it soon. i like doing my youtube videos better though.

Glad your feeling better loial.
I have to go to uni and hand in work today and I really don't want to go outside. I then have to go see my sister and look after the puppy but I just want to be on my own. I'm finding it hard to force emotions, people keep saying I'm really quiet and asking me what's wrong and I have to force a smile and say nothing. I just feel a bit numb and emotionless. Does that sound strange?

Lol I had notifications on while I was trying to sleep xD

I had an anhedonia cure which was mainly to reduce positive symptoms which in turn, reduces negative symptoms. I was able to actually feel emotions a lot better as the abilify kicked in though

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

May 2014

So I’ll be doing this. Just some notes. I’ll be posting more. This was posted by a really smart guy that spend over two years trying to treat his anhedonia by researching on the internet and experimenting with his psychiatrist because it’s not well known in the medical community other than being a negative symptom of schizophrenia which can not be treated in the eyes of most doctors/psychiatrists/psychologists.

Everything that Is underlined was was wrote 4 months ago.

Everything in bold black is what I wrote during this time right now.

“NESTOR’S SUBSTANCE MANIFESTO
1.) Avoid states of:
Physical Ailment (check)
Confusion, Delirium, or Psychosis (99% check) – Not doing well with this at all atm It should get better once I increase my dosage of Abilify (An anti-psychotic).
Anxiety (In process) - Very little anxiety since the increase in Prozac to 80mg.
Depression (maintaining non depressive state) – Still maintaining. I don’t think that it is likely that I will ever be depressed again unless something traumatic happens in my life.
at all costs in that order always. – This is important

2.) Never use a chemical to replace something that is missing unless in the case of a psychiatric emergency – only to enchance what is there. (Risperidone *At lower doses now*, Prozac 80mg titrating up again for anxiety. Concerta will stay 54mg) Medications that I’m currently on are listed at the end of my about.me page

3.) Never use a substance that will cause detrimental rebound effects that are severe or that last longer than the use of the drug. (check. But not so sure for future psychiatrist sessions)

4.) Always wait until the body and mind are properly balanced before proceeding to use of a substance unless in the case of a psychiatric emergency. (check) – Very very true.

5.) Always use the smallest dose and the weakest/safest analogous agent that promotes the desired effect. (check)

6.) Never use a stimulant when in an anxious or worried state. Never use a stimulant unless in a very comforting and relaxing environment. Anxiety must be avoided in order to prevent escalation. (Stimulants don’t make me anxious) Only when off of Prozac.

7.) Avoid chronic use of any substance other than what is required to avoid a psychiatric emergency. (check)

8.) Never use a drug in such a way as to promote tolerance, addiction, or dependence unless in the case of a psychiatric emergency. (check)

9.) Use tapering over several days before any substance is added, removed, or changed in dose. (I will ignore this)

10.) Only use benzodiazepines (and only in small doses) to prevent intense acute panic episodes or in the case of total insomnia lasting longer than 2 days. Only use them for the time necessary to avoid severe psychiatric emergencies until stable on an SSRI. (check) Went off Prozac (SSRI) and stayed up for two days when going back on again, having a severe anxiety attack by where I was hospitalized and given Clonazepam (A benzo – Anti anxiety med) to sleep. Felt completely amazing in the morning because I wasn’t anxious.

11.) Only use stimulants very sparingly and in low doses to enhance social interactions. (Stimulants don’t increase mood – they cause greater mood stability or even depression)

12.) In the use of SSRIs, only use to prevent anxious states for a period of a few months (3-6), then taper off gradually at an established tolerability rate that is dependent on SERT transporter occupation over time. Never wean off quickly and always avoid withdrawal effects (at all costs). (Prozac no withdrawal) Staying on Prozac 80mg for a long time…

13.) Always carry around an attitude of acceptance of circumstances. Rejection of a blunted state leads to anxiety or depression. Rejection of depression or anxiety amplifies those states. Even in the case that rejection occurs, an equilibrium will be reached given an adequate amount of time (worrying or monitoring prolongs it). Always try to meditate or relax (relaxed, becoming “in tune” with the universe or whatever) wherever you go. If all else fails, return to a blunted nonchalant “not-caring in a bubble bath” state in order to prevent perpetuating psychological issues. I like the advantage of anhedonia. Good point. Always reinforce self with thoughts outlining why it is possible to come back to an equilibrium state over time (success stories of people you know or have heard of, scientific studies, etc.).

Magnesium can be used in SMALL AMOUNTS to reduce agitation or induce sleep. Fish oil is good to take I guess but nobody knows if it really does anything, and vitamins c and b as well as caffeine can be useful in SMALL amounts for mild stimulation”.

-MORE NOTES ON CURE FOR ANHEDONIA BY SAME GUY-

“When I say AT ALL COSTS I mean it – as in don’t go to school somewhere that will trigger it, don’t get a job that will trigger it, don’t live in a place that will trigger it, because it’s a downward spiral. Also, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, OR ANHEDONIA ARE PERMANENT STATES UNLESS SOMETHING IS PERPETUATING THEM such as drug use (including alcohol) or life circumstances (or you have been taking a substantial amount of neurotoxins). No, ssris and ritalin do not qualify as neurotoxins.

I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE CHANCES OF STAYING IN A STATE ARE DEPENDENT ON HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN IN IT. In other words, you can get better even if you have been feeling this way for 2 years or more.

I believe that the brain usually takes around 3 months to 2 years to reach homeostasis after a major disruption. (Evidenced by first hand accounts as well as from drug abusers and scientific studies).

Don’t believe me? Try finding success stories on BenzoBuddies or PaxilProgress. I also know many people who have been in prolonged anhedonic states (years) and got better (usually within 2 years). I am already seeing progress in my own state.

I BELIEVE THAT THE MAIN REASON I AM STILL IN A BLUNTED STATE IS BECAUSE I WAS ANXIOUS OR UNCERTAIN ABOUT FEELING NUMB, AFRAID, AND FELT HOPELESS ABOUT IT. I ALSO BELIEVE THAT STIMULATING MEDICATIONS SUCH AS NRIs, STIMULANTS, AND PARNATE INCREASED ANXIETY, THUS PERPETUATING BLUNTING.

Yes, BOTH depression AND anxiety perpetuate anhedonia/numbness/blunting. Another thing is I strongly urge the use of an SSRI of a longer half-life if one is to take the same route as me for ease of coming off of it (which is the end goal). Discontinuation syndromes and relapse are much higher in discontinuation of SSRIs of short half-lives like Effexor or Paxil. Try Prozac, Lexapro, or even Sertraline instead”.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Not strange at all... I had some poverty of speech & wasn't feeling emotions before I went on meds too but now it's a lot better.

I hope you have a good day anyway!

me 4!!!!!!!!

Thank you and thanks for the friend request too
So I went outside and there was two crows stood waiting for me. I then went to uni and there were hundreds of them all screaming at me. It makes sense that they would be there because that's where my hope and future is and that's what they want to destroy and corrupt.

Obviously the CMHT don't believe in the start small, keep it low.

I'm really pissed about the CTO still, I feel like I'm going to kick off.

im crying soo bad one of my friends died

Really sorry to hear that bean

That's awful. I'm so sorry.

Sorry to hear that, that's terrible.