Roll Call 44

Lets talk!!!

Chat about anything and check in daily!

I was on a depot too. Why would it start to come back after so long of being on them? Because I think it went away for a while and then came back even though I was still on meds.

I'm not sure. Have you maybe started something in your life that has been stressful or caused anxiety? When my anxiety is high I can get odd ideas into my head and sometimes think of the chip. Hasn't really ''come back'' for me though.

I don't know. I was just thinking this morning how embarrassed I am. Tbh I did have a flash of insight in December 2013 without any meds but my hallucinations pushed me back again into the delusion. It took a loooong time on the Abilify for the hallucinations to fade.

It took me about three to four months for the delusions to fade as well. Roughly how long did it take for the hallucinations if you don't mind me asking?

i actually had no hallucinations around fall of 2014. still had paranoia but it was manageable.

as soon as december hit i got really bad again (i mean it came on gradually. not like ON december 1st but you know what i mean). around late Nov and all of december - i started having very severe panic attacks and it just went downhill from there

Yes I started university which causes me a lot of stress. Do you think that could be it?

It's entirely possible as that's what happened to me but I don't know for sure, I'd ask a professional.

It's such a strange illness. It's hard to know why these things happen at all. Personally, I find it very hard to find triggers as well.

I still hear the noises he makes but now it's very quiet, not like a booming voice in my room, and it only happens a few times, not for hours and hours.

i remember having to take 2 of my xanax multiple times a day

does anyone else keep some sort of journal or diary? i have since i was 12 or 13. i dont write in it everyday. just anytime i remember. which isnt a lot but surprisingly i have quite a few journals.

I've only ever had a few hallucinations is this strange? I've heard things but not frequently. I've heard someone say 'what are you doing', 'stay there', and a screaming sound and my name being shouted. These are the ones I can remember. Is it odd to not have many hallucinations but have strong delusions and paranoia?

its not odd.
my hallucinations are off and on. they can be stopped by meds mostly. but delusions and paranoia are what i believe to be extremely strong. they have never stopped on meds and have been there since i was probably 9 years old. everyday 24/7. even in my dreams.

Thanks newtus. I always discredit what I go through because it's not as 'bad' as some other people.

The noise of the crows has started to bother me again. The screeching gets in my head. Like they're deliberately doing it at me to try and communicate with me

Yes, I do. I'll have to throw them all out. Now I journal on my phones because I can back it up digitally if I want. Mainly I do it out of loneliness now.

Man, I've not been around at the right time to make a roll call yet... maybe next time <goes to get sleeping bag>

my hallucinations i dont think have gotten me into trouble...well they can be paired with my delusions tho so idk. but my delusions and paranoia have gotten me into severe trouble. its usually the thing that gets me arrested or why i get sent to the hospital. theyve also gotten me into trouble online.

we gotta make sure to save the next roll call for Loial.
it might be 2-3 months but thatll go by quick.

My 'delusions' are the reason I was sent to hospital. That and they said I wasn't safe. Sometimes I've done unsafe things or have gotten suicidal because of my beliefs.

I'm worried that someone I know is reading everything I write on here.
If your reading this I know what your doing so leave me the **** alone!

I do, one is for everyday life and one is for poetry.

I'm pissed off. I've been pissed off since 10am. I can't shake it. Antidepressants cause personality destabilization and it literally pisses me off. I keep imagining different scenarios of me going off on a trirade because of how someone at some point did me wrong. This isn't healthy. Can't wait to see my lame duck psychologist. I've been seeing her for over a year now and her useless, lazy butt just sits there and listens. Or while im going through panic attacks she gives me things to read LIKE I CAN READ WHILE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK! NO! Make use of our time and teach me how to handle them while im there with you. Don't sit there and be useless. She doesn't even ask me about if im taking care of myself. I have to keep asking her to ask me those questions. "Okay, what questions should you ask me first?" I think she's an idiot who has been fortunate enough to not what what a mental illness actually is, which also makes her think that it's always a social issue. Yeah, my schizophrenia is a social issue. Try that one on for size dullard.

Last one was 18 days ago...so I think it will be sooner....we just have to talk a lot