[Axiom]

Not sure if anhedonia is the right word, anyway:

I think I understand now that some of my difficulties with life stem from not being able to feel joy over things in my past or things that are going to happen in the future. Like yesterday I had a very good time at a dinner party. I have no fond memories of that now. When I think about it I feel nothing positive, only stress. It's like that for all my memories, even the earliest ones that I have. And it's almost the same way when I think about the future. I can look forward to the end of things I currently dislike, e.g. looking forward till this vacation is over, or looking forward to not being around so many people anymore, or looking forward to not being awake anymore... But everything else feels either completely irrelevant or conjures up much stress. Like the way I am not looking forward to seeing my friends again, even though I feel lonely (i.e. if they were suddenly standing in my room I'd be really happy, but knowing I would see them again in 5 days, or maybe even 5 minutes, wouldn't make me happy at all). I just don't care about positives that aren't right here and right now.

I think the point of all this is that not viewing my future especially but also my past the way I feel I should, causes me to think much more negatively about future events and robs me of a lot of joy from remembering past events. I also think it might be why I try to avoid thinking about the future and the past - because it only leads to stress.

Does this resonate with anyone else?

I experienced anhedonia induced from an SSRI. However, people with severe depression experience anhedonia too, and most of the time an antidepressant will alleviate them from it. I hope you're able to find a solution to this problem. It's really like a jail sentence...

[Axiom]

Thank you. I don't think it has to do with my medicines, I think this is something I lost when I got schizophrenia. I'm not sure if it is anhedonia though, because I seem just as happy as other people most of the time. I just don't feel any happiness related to my future or my past... Might not seem like that big of a deal, but I'm starting to believe that this is really a big issue for me. I'm not exaggerating when I say I feel no pleasure at all related to past or future events. All I feel about the future and the past is stress and a longing for things to end.

[jaynedough]

I just did a search for anhedonia and your post came up. I have schizoaffective d/o and have had anhedonia for a few years now, maybe longer. It's awful. It doesn't matter how sunny it is outside, in my brain, it's grey and overcast.

Before searching here, I ran across this posting Anhedonia And Other Negative Symptoms : I Have Schizoaffective Disorder Story & Experience It's kinda long and I don't know how accurate the information is, but a large part of that article could've been written by me. Same thing with your post. I think what Odysseus said about it being like a jail sentence is such an apt description.

[Axiom]

That was a very, very interesting post, jaynedough! Thanks a lot!
I think I might have a little anhedonia "in-the-moment", realized this the other day. But it's not much and I guess could be a result of other aspects of my illness. I really like how this post describes the anticipatory anhedonia, it's very accurate IMHO. I have never been to a reunion, very rarely visit my friends, and I have severe motivation problems + issues with blunted affect. It makes a little more sense to me now. But I do manage to get past the blunted affect with many people when I'm not tired (I am usually tired). Some people it is easier with.

I guess when I do physical tasks, it brings me almost no joy at all. Like showering, chores, going to appointments or doing yard work... all such things. I'm not sure that's very abnormal though. But many social things do bring me joy. Like going to lectures if I have friends there. Or doing yard work with friends. But of course if I'm with strangers, I'm just stressed out. I didn't realize this until just now, reading this post!