Roll Call 48

heyyy y'all

Hi Bean! Thanks for making the roll call. it will be Epic.

awesome Bean!

I forgot that I don't get 0.5mg clonazepam before I go to bed, just in the day.. Doesn't make sense. Maybe they are trying to teach me to deal with my agitation slowly?

That's really ****** and won't work I'll just turn back to alcohol of that's the case.

I took 10mg of zyprexa which I'm not sure if it does anything. In a few hours I might be very agitated and they'll give me Ativan or something.

I only have 40 minutes of internet left so there will be no update until morning :/

I hope you don't get too agitated and the medication works for you. Don't turn to alcohol.

Well so far so good. I got up at 2 am which is about 2 hours earlier than I'd like to but at least I'm up early. I like getting up in the wee hours and seeing the sun come up.

Hi Angelique, you are up early! How have you been?

Unlike you I feel I'm up way too early....will try to go back to bed.....

Although I am feeling fully rested and much better than yesterday.....

You two are up crazy early. i complain about being up at 7am...

OK, anxiety was worse yesterday and it was getting heavy again while I was lying down before so I decided to get up and have some coffee. How are you doing?

Glad you're feeling better at least!

7am is my goal time....

I've been up since 2am. Cheese and rice, that is too early for me! I'll be making some coffee for myself at 5am, maybe a PB&J or two too. Apparently my kitty is a morning person too. She's killing me with cuteness.

I'm up this early because I move today and I'm anxious and depressed. However, logically it makes sense. I just hate change and down-grading from my lake view to a ****** little room at my mother's that isn't even drywalled. However, I can always move back if I find stability or move to my sister's in California and start over there.

Either way, I need to find a better job. One that gives me a W2, health benefits and sick days. I have a college degree now. The only trouble is, I don't want an office job where I'm working on spreadsheets. The days would go by too slowly. I like my job but it's half the reason I'm moving out, the other half is because of my mental illness. Life really can kick you in the ***. I was on a flight path and then next thing I know I'm looking up at the stars, rubbing my bead, wondering what just happened. What a tragedy that those in the philosophy department couldn't forgive someone who clearly was not themselves. Why that department hires average joes instead of great people are beyond me. I think a great person would have found the strength to see it was the mental illness and forgive me. sigh, im still prickly about this.

My old biological panic attacks are gone and there replaced by existential ones. They'll go away once I establish a routine.

I hope your move goes smoothly. I hate moving but I want to move too. The place I'm in is a squalid mess. I know you're not thrilled with leaving your apartment and moving into a room at your Mom's but at least you have some future plans. I wish you a lot of good luck.

Good luck with your move...have we seen kitty pics yet? I may have missed them, if not I'd say that's an oversight on your part....

As far as not dry walled just call it industrial and you'll feel slightly better....

I'm sorry your profs didn't treat you right often the training they get is to protect themselves and the university and not students, for example I was always told to keep the door to my office open when talking to a student just so they can't claim something happened that didn't...we live in a litigious society so the rules assume the worst.

May I ask what you spend your days and hours teaching? I wanted to teach philosophy of mind, philosophy of psychology and ancient philosophy. However, I'm pretty well rounded. I took everything from cognitive neuroscience courses to the romantic rebellion. I was so picky about my classes and professors-- as I should be! I'm paying 1k for each course and giving a lot of effort.

I would always email the professor before the course started asking what the point and purpose of their course is and why is it so important that I take it. In other words, how will it make me a better person. The goal is self perfection after all... Or at least it use to be...

ugh man. woke up at 4am. this sucks.
ima try to go back to bed.

yes Ody just call your surroundings art deco!

thats like really good advice.

its like im tired but im not.
im eating twizzlers in the morning

Good morning guys. I'm about to go to work, unless I'm lynched by the cats first for not having fed them the moment I opened my eyes. I hope the day goes well for all of us.

not feeling well again. physically. throwing up. stomach hurts. i know better than the eat in the mornings especially spicy foods. and didnt get sleep. this really sucks. a lot...

Oh sorry I fell asleep but I don't teach right now becuase im not tenure track but I still have Interactions with grad students for example and I used to TA so undergrads....basic microbiology. It's only useful if you want to become a microbiologist or want to know more about being sick....

"People who experience psychosis have somewhat lower tested intelligence, with a higher proportion of psychotic individuals scoring below the mean score of 100 on IQ tests."

Interesting article on psychosis and memory. I've certainly noticed, since my first break over a year ago, that my memory and cognitive abilities has lowered dramatically. Assuming IQ tests are an accurate tool to measure intelligence, can anyone relate to this or even agree, this article makes some very strong points.

Memory and Psychosis | Brain Blogger

I swear my iq dropped 15-25 points but after a break from meds its like it repaired....my T said that I'd have to have structural damage to have a drop like that but I think the meds inhibit some sort of post psychosis repair process. All I know is the meds aren't decreasing my iq this time only making me slower. It may have also just been time and not the meds but who knows....all I know is I'm perfectly fine now.