Roll Call 53

Yay! lol

Sat outside and got some sun, this is a much better summer than last year when I was stumbling around the road drunk looking because of severe Lithium Toxicity and kidneys shutting down

Oh my God I have the worst anxiety when I try to sleep. It's from being forced to withdraw much too fast from Klonopin two years ago. I know how you feel Ody, I hate them for what they did to me.

I've had a good day today. I went out with my dad and I met up with a friend.

When I was at the dentist last week the hygienist was asking me questions about my meds and diagnosis I guess because she was curious

I hate that TaT doesn't have a hug button.

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me too. it sucks.

im not big on sports but im trying to keep up on the floyd mayweather vs manny pacquiao fight and they show the kentucky derby ugh. its because i dont have cable or satellite!

What do you do for your anxiety now? I'm still stuck on Klonopin and one milligram just doesn't do it for me anymore... I can't live like this. Even my therapist has doubts that CBT will work because it is obviously biological. I'm sure CBT will take the edge off the extreme ones but that's all.

They ask me that too because the meds can impact your tooth and gum health....but yeah they always ask what for which I think you're right is curiosity....

I told her the diagnosis and she's like "yeah that's not a fun disease to live with" and I almost said well my doctor made it up... but I probably would have sounded crazy if I said that.

I have to go back this week and get a filling and again the following week. I was shaking during the exam so I told my pdoc (technically psych nurse) and she had my dentist write a script for valium just to take before the appointments, hopefully it helps

mine do that too! omg i thought i was the only one here that they do that too.

I always find it hard to tell negative symptoms from depression, but either way it sucks

Unfortunately I was awake until gone 6:30 am - I was listening to Disney piano instrumentals to try to relax! It was good, but no magic sleepy wand for me lol - so I didn't get up when I was supposed to :/ Have been surprisingly productive this afternoon though, but am exhausted now.

Glad the house move went well. A good living situation is vital IMO. Glad the haloperidol is helping. Hope the side effects are ok? I know you struggle a lot with those like I do.

I'm sorry you can relate. I tried trazadone, but it did nada. On crazy meds it lists sedation under side effects about 10x (I love that site!), but it just messed with my visual accommodation so much that I was practically blind. Then my GP gave me lofepramine, which did the same thing and didn't make me sleepy at all, so I give up! lol

Yeah, I have an email friend too and they're basically the only person I've been able to talk to for months.

If it's helping and that's what you want, then that's great, but I don't think one relapse should ruin your hope for being med-free one day if that's really your goal. Maybe now isn't the right time, but we never know what the future might bring, and I've read a lot of psychosis tends to ease as you get older. Plus you never know what non-med techniques you might come across. There's always hope

*Willow*

Nothing, I just suffer. I have hydroxyzine but it doesn't work like benzos. It doesn't help much. I just have to suffer because everything causes me anxiety and I have anxiety/panic often for no reason too. I try to tell myself "I'm OK this minute" and also make my body go limp but that's not easy for me.

Listening to Sia - Big Girls Cry

i hate when doctors are like WHY ARE U ON ALL THESE MEDS. im like embarrassed about it that i have to tell them my diagnoses. it happened at the eye doctor i last went to. its happened at urgent care too. omg...i hate doctors.

also this young girl last night at work asked me how i can afford to live on my own and afford food and stuff if i only work at the grocery store. shes in high school but i was taken back. i mean like, thats kind of a rude question....i just said well thats a personal question and she said sorry. i didnt wanna be like well im on disability bc im mentally ill and also i have a trust bc my therapist ****ed me and then i sued him. that would be like verbal vomit and she prob wouldnt have believed me anyway.... no one believes what i say there. they dont believe im actually 28, one of them wanted to see my drivers license. then they didnt believe that i smoke cigs. wtf? so why would they believe that my life has been a hard road. maybe i just look too innocent and naive. ummm i think im ranting

hey willow was thnking about u the other day...glad you are back for now!

Do meds really have an impact on your teeth? I've noticed since I've been on meds I get a lot more cavities that need filling and even needed a root canal. Is it possible the meds are causing this?

In other news: any predictions for the fight tonight? I want Pacquio to win but the odds are going towards Mayweather. I was planning on staying up for it but it starts after 4am here so feck that!

It's worse when they don't know and you have to go through the list of all the different meds and they're looking at you all wtf like!

pretty sure i have an ear infection.....i dunno if i can see a doctor w/o medicaid...maybe my medicare would pay for it??? but like i was JUST SAYING......I EFFING HATE DOCTORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok im chill

omggg i know. theyre like do u take any meds? im like um yes. lots of them. they prob think like oh this girl takes like 3 meds. ummm nope. more like 10

Wow you guys talk a lot! Didn't weekends use to be slow around here?!

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope he recovers well from the surgery

Have fun! I saw that film in the cinema; enjoyed it! We made pizza using panini as the base last weekend (we've done it before with a french baguette base as it was nice), but the bread went soggy for some reason...it was not good! :/

Well done for going to group! I know how scared you were when T first suggested it. I have a t-shirt with a print of a cat wearing glasses coming out of the pocket Hope your ear gets better, but isn't hydrogen peroxide bleach?? Not sure that would be a good idea. Can you mum have a look inside the ear? Or you could try a pharmacist; they might have something OTC? It could be an inflamed ear canal or a middle ear infection...or sometimes my ears really hurt just because it's windy and they're really sensitive.

How is it so lax there to allow that? Don't they do random drug tests in rehab?? Search everyone's possessions for drugs? I just think it's sad that they're not helping you, or the others, by being so lackadaisical; makes it so much harder for you to recover

Panic attacks suck Sometimes I feel like psych meds are both a blessing and a curse. They're marketed as having almost-magical properties to 'fix' everything, but often they make things worse. Wellbutrin/bupropion is contraindicated in psychosis because it increases dopamine (my pdoc at the time did not know that!!!), but also it is known to be very activating, both for anxiety, and hypo/mania for those susceptible.

That sounds awful I've been enjoying our recent sunshine too...it's probably the only 'summer' we will have here!

That is why I don't want to take a benzos or Z-drug regularly, because I don't trust those *ahem* Drs not to screw me over in the future. When my friend was doing her GP rotation, she helped a woman reduce her benzo intake, but she did it RESPONSIBLY, not like what happened to you, which was quite frankly dangerous as well as cruel

I think therapy can help with anxiety and panic attacks, whatever their origin. Maybe therapy isn't helping you because even your own T doubts their ability to help you? I can't imagine that is helpful to tell you Maybe a new one would be better?

I went to the dentist last week and they always ask about meds. Most of my meds over the years have caused dry mouth and now I need 2 fillings and she said they were in a 'classic' position for dry mouth. We also have to put diagnoses on the medical questionnaire too...I debated about what to put for over a week (classic Willow overthinking!) , but in the end put SZA because I felt that was the only way to most accurately describe what's been happening without writing pages...and I figured she's a dentist so it won't make much difference (I thought 'Crazy NOS' would entail more questions!)

Sometimes it's best to keep quiet.

I have to have 2 fillings on Tuesday and I'm TERRIFIED. I've never had a filling before. It's weird though because I never used to be scared of the dentist at all, but now I'm just scared of everything. I had to BEG my ex-dentist to take me back because I refused to let the new one to do the fillings last year. I also have to have a wisdom tooth out because it's stuck, but she said the referral to the dental hospital will take months, so I'm not stressing about that just yet, but that will be even more terrifying because it will be a complete stranger and bone sutures eek!

*Willow*

@willow

hydrogen peroxide is like....umm.. like it helps infections in cuts and stuff. it liek cleans it out. its not bleach. my mom lives an hour away so she cant look in there. im gonna google OTC remedies. it hurts like throbs constantly and it feels really hot. i might ask a pharmacist... i know im weird but i dont want people looking in my ear...is that weird? umm i dont know why...it just feels...invasive. lol. yeah im weird

i looked online it said its common to get ear infection after a cold. and i just had a cold.

also, thanks willow , about the group. ya i was really nervous...but its turning out ok. im glad i decided to push thru my comfort zone and try it out

Willow,yes it was dangerous and cruel. I had seizures (and in fact they lasted a long time) was up for 10 days/nights and almost died. They didn't even book me into detox. Just left me high and dry. I had to say I was suicidal to get into the hospital which is insane. I couldn't care for myself at all. I was dying, I think.