Roll Call 69

Good morning
Angelique, I'm sorry you had such a rough night
Newt us, I hope you are able to relax and maybe take a nap?

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Thank you, valley! They're terrorists.

What's everyone up to today?
I have nothing going on. I feel terrible for not doing more with the kids over vacation. Anxiety is a *****.

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Playing skyrim with the bf. Went for a walk round the marina and to a nice cafe and had brunch. Now drinking lots of shots haha. He doesn't drink much it's just me.
I'm not taking medication anymore, I want to try live a natural life off the poison. I'm still guna see my cpn even though I don't want to. She isn't on my side none of them are.
I'm getting another tattoo appointment next week, complete the sleeve soon hopefully. I'm so looking forward to it! I know what I want done now.
Not been sleeping till late, well after bf, I blame not being on the mirtazipine. It makes me sleep. But I want to be natural so it's good.
Natural life. I don't have schiz. I am ME

I feel bad about not doing anything with my kids either but I'm also broke which is part of my anxiety. I'm always afraid of not making my ends meet and becoming homeless and barely scraping by to eat.
Sometimes it gets really bad and I can't sleep or eat. I do a lot of pacing. But I'm still overweight, go figure!

Watching the documentary series "Making a Murderer" on Netflix, it's interesting

@justme, awesome! I'm getting a new tattoo in the next month or so. A clover with the colors of the Italian flag to represent being Irish and Italian

You might want to reconsider and get a shamrock instead of a clover if you want to represent Ireland somewhat.

Thank you. Ill try. its hard for me to take naps during the day. im just so worried about my mom. i feel like shes going to die. one side effect of stopping on those meds shes taking is death at worst, hospital stay at best.

i feel the need to drown my worries with wine. or the like. thats the only thing thatll help me take a nap. or get any kind of sleep at this moment.

my stomach hurts.
probably from stress...

Thanks... that's what I meant.

Oh ok. Sorry I thought you meant like a four leaf clover or something! Your tattoo idea sounds class!

I'm getting an abstract heart and a wolf in a forest design. Guna book it next week. Very excited

I know it's hard not to worry.

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Then I'm getting a shadowy shading between my designs with abstract lines
Aiming to create sleeves and cover my scars

Driving to one of the cities to meet my half brother. Never met him before. Last time we texted, I was psychotic and talked really weird until my injection. He use to be a psychiatric patient but then self medicated.

It's a 6 hour drive on a straight road so a few Ireland's away.

I've been coloring mandalas, they're relaxing

Me too! I stop and go bc of my inability to focus. But it helps.

That's exactly what I do, I have trouble focusing too

My focus is so bad too especially when I developed negative symptoms and the disorganized part with ADHD. I haven't studied in a while and I have a fear that it's worse or the Abilify could have made it worse.

All I really need is the Concerta. I am however just toast without it. A lot of people don't need methylphenidate and it's over prescribed with 90% of it being prescribed in the United States but it doesn't apply to everyone. I feel like that 1 in a million that need it and benefit without side effects. I've been on it for 3 years and the stigma on stimulants is terrible and scares me. No one understands how harmless it is although taking multiple stimulants I'll stop doing that even though I think I'm an alien.

I wonder if I have schizoaffective under the Abilify because I swear I'm close to mania before I take the injection. Colours are brighter, etc and one thing that's weird is that I'm able to cry at will it's so weird. All those manic episodes with the risperidone abuse I didn't notice. Just a thought. I'm happy doing good on the Abilify but can't focus to save my life.

I feel like studying now in the car with all the stimulants I might as well take advantage of this rare moment..

Going to give up this stupid DBT group I'm doing. It's really a load of bollox. Sorry, I tried to remain positive about it and pretend it was helping but it's just complete shite. I haven't learned a thing and none of it relates to me in the slightest. There are other people with bipolar doing it but they don't mention anything about psychosis or dealing with mood swings like hypomania or depression.

Now they're wanting to expand it to two hours a week instead of one. They can barely fill in an hour without spending 20 minutes on one stupid topic that is complete common sense. For example, we spent at least 10 to 12 minutes clenching our fists and opening them again to notice that you felt worse when you had your fists clenched. I didn't partake because I'm not a bloody child and that is common feckin' sense. 10 MINUTES!!!!!! That's just one example of the crap they teach.

I mean The only things that have benefited me is the CBT I've been doing with my T. My psychiatrist actually laughed when asking me was I getting anything out of the DBT. It's like the have me doing it just to fill a morning in my week. I need a bloody job, not to be sitting in a stupid group designed for people with serious personality problems.

Sorry </rant>

chickenfoot,
my dad went to therapy one time in his life. he said getting a job after he got laid off from his job after 45 years was the best therapy he could have. he was a technician making parts for NASA and Apple and stuff. but now he just works as a janitor. but he says the job is good therapy for him instead of actual therapy. he was only in therapy for maybe a few months though out of his life.

my dad doesnt want me to get a job though. he says i need to finish my schooling...

Thanks Newtus, I've heard that from a few people. It's scary getting back into work after being out for like 2 years, but I've worked since I was 16, even when I was in college. I think it'd be really good for me.

I still get assured income with schooling and can work part time as well which is like any students dream so I'm thankful for that. I'd be making almost as much as the new mass wave of refugees.

My first therapist called me a loner and said I needed meds and I didn't like my first psychologist but my current psychologist is awesome. He's like "Lol you really like the Concerta don't you? xD". First psychiatrist didn't care at all and it was pure malpractice. Best psychiatrist was in the hospital. We had a good relationship but my current psychiatrist is good he reassured me like "Listen.. I want to help you, ok?? I will prescribe. *Gives a year of Concerta refills*".

Psychiatrists are really good at prescribing.