Roll Call 70

Yeah it's scary! I seen the machine they use the other day at my outpatients appointment with my pdoc in the hospital. There were two guys wheeling the machine in for gyne in another clinic. The "wand" they use... that is feckin' scary. I'm 26 and keep getting letters to get it done. Also, my mam had cervical cancer and my sister got back an irregular test so I'm at risk. Crazy how stupid things can get in the way of our health but I don't know when I'll pick up the courage to get it done.

I just signed up for the affordable care act (Obamacare). I have to pay $101 dollars a month. Then there's the co pays. And they also said that with any specialized drugs I will have to pay 50%. All the rest are very cheap. What is a specialized drug? I hope it's not antipsychotics or epilepsy drugs that work for bi polar.

I heard I'm going to get 1099'd for being registered in it. Honestly, I don't know how much I'll save, and it looks like I might not get the same doctor either. That would suck.

I have to wait until march 12 until it activates. That's a long wait.

sigh

Honestly, I don't know how much Ill really save. Out government is too busy trying to be the most powerful country in the world instead of being the greatest. Nope, no universal healthcare for us. Not to mention our educational system.

A pap isn't so bad even for a virgin.

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I had a lot of hallucinations this morning. Mostly I heard doors opening and knocking. More than I've ever really had in my life. I took a double dose of risperdal and got some sleep. Now I'm doing much better.

I love being crazy. I don't like the pain or anxiety or loss of functioning, but I love thinking "out of the box" naturally, because that is how my brain is wired. I love being given access to other realities. I love hypomania, soaring high, feeling so alive.

I'm grateful that my meds still allow me to be crazy, while ensuring that I am not insane.

Now a rectal exam is the devil

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I was cleaning the cat box and lost my footing in order yto keep the litter in the box I held onto it and broke my fall with my face. I look awfully pretty with this huge mark on my forehead. And I'm sure I'll be feeling the neck pain when the Motrin quits. The life of a klutz

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I think I took 2 more Ativan than I needed. I feel all sorts iof ****ed up

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agh. im still scared tho.

door2015 bought scratch offs and won 5 bucks

I hope you'll feel better soon. I'm sorry you're having such a rough day.

I haven't had a Pap smear either though I probably should have
I had an std in July and I never got the Pap smear to make sure nothing else was wrong

Just the treatment alone for std was scary and painful enough

I'm going nuts lol but I think I'm getting better at keeping my grip and hanging onto reality with practice.

Or it's just a disease and I'm wasting my time and need to be drugged.

Btw Newtus I love your drawings you make more =]

Morning folks!

Good morning. Busy day today. I have a lot to get done but not before I get a nap in. I'm exhausted. Didn't sleep well at all.
I'm playing hookey from work today. I'm just not feeling it. I'll work the other 2 later today. I have to get to the bank so I can pay some bills. Blargh. Also getting a new caper since mine won't hold a charge anymore. I guess you get what you pay for lol.
What's everyone else up to today? I hope you all have a good day.

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Caper = vaper

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Hello everyone

Good Morning, it's morning again. I seem to recall it being morning yesterday too. Gosh! Deja vu. It's freezing in my house, (69 F) but I am fighting against putting on the heater. I get to wear my neat aviators jacket though. Today is going to be jam-packed with all the things I don't get to do whilst at works. I may even do laundry! Dun dun dun...

Hope things are interesting for folks today, in a good way.

Tweaky, something about your last post reminded me very much about one of my favorite songs about a grocery bag. It goes.. "Something, something...or I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do." Something like that.

Love you guys!

morning ! thru a happy accident the bagel shop made me 2 jalepeno cheddar chorizon sandwiches so i got to feed me And my dad this morning. but leaving the house early to get my bagel made me careless and i wrecked my chance to get to therapy on my own today. AM tricked me into forgetting my bullet journal on my desk and ive been writing all his bs out in it for homework. hes way too aware of me, hes made me forget the book other times too. so i got laugh tracked this morning. fvcker. so either i let my hubris waste a week and leave work on my own anyway, or i resign myself to having to take a ride from my dad again but at least i have the logs. the monotony is murder.

I feel like I don't really belong anywhere. On this forum, on that forum, in this section, in that section.

It's tearing me apart the opposite ends of my thoughts - I don't have any diagnosis or doctor to ground me and label me, but on the opposite end of my thoughts I feel like... **** the doctors and the meds I don't need that **** I'm fabulous and that **** is poison I want my body pure they just all want to hurt me or track me anyway I don't need that.

Torn between 'there's something wrong with me' and 'I can see the truth better than most'.

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cogadaid i feel this

ughh this pain in my left side is flaring up again. i thought id fixed it when i stopped purging behaviors because they said it was just acid reflux but, what do doctors even know? maybe my appendix will finally bust me out of this meat shell

I think we've all felt like this, in some way, regardless of a diagnosis or lack thereof. For the forums, specifically this one, if you want to be here, you belong here. As far as having a doctor to ground you, I know what you mean. The right doctor, can help I'm sure, so don't give up on finding one. I'm not saying find someone to shove pills at you, but someone that will listen to you and explain the things he/she recommends.

Anyone belongs here =]

Tweaky is one of my most used personas and tolerated by most.

*sleeps*

Got the cremation paper filled out, notarized, faxed and mailed out. I feel relieved that's taken care of. Got laundry in the washer, now to get to work on school stuff.

its a good day for contemplating gone girling myself. i want to disappear completely.